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Being Digital. Being Nomad.

August 31, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

The ups and downs. I think my sanity has been saved by no longer having to report to my second to last boss. I realized part of the struggle was not just proving myself to her, but increasingly more apparent, proving myself to me.

I realized, after several years, at a few different jobs, that attaining 100% on a performance review was designed to never be attainable. The deeper problem with such a scenario is how many people can either get buried while unsuccessfully trying to get there or ultimately just feel defeated. I am sure there is a healthier way to look at this as well as a healthier work environment where this is not a thing. Unfortunately, the luck of us landing in a healthy environment with good management may not be as attainable as matching our geography with our skills and who decides to hire us for the right amount of money? Also, will that end up matching our passions?

My second to last boss was daunting, and perhaps me having more credentials than her played a part in her reminding me/reminding us that she was on some imaginary upper level rather than our equal level. Then… she increasingly toyed with and finally crossed the lines of bigotry from the time I worked for her from 2015 through 2019, and even after I changed departments in my final year at the company in 2020, I felt the target on me. In the moments I instinctively countered her, I awaited the revenge *whether it be from the COO we both reported to or from her directly.

The fight I had in me to remember my credentials and all the praise I got from the members and customers we helped was really a fight to remember that I was good enough and not always just as good as the last thing I did. Some good coworkers also really encouraged me through those days. We found it mutually necessary.

There was a struggle to remember all the hard work I put in as well, because as usual, sometimes life gets in the way  (we do not just have work to contend with but a whole array of items we need to survive and be a happy healthy person). Life plays out differently at different times. Look at any one of us and each person’s insecurities and vulnerabilities present uniquely and again vary depending on the moment.

So there I was with her and that structure and here I am without it. Being digital and being nomad has saved me from aging ungracefully (lol) and I have likewise been saved from feeling indescribably perpetually less than her or others.  I also see myself as more capable than I knew. I forget. Life reminds me. I see how okay we should be at owning our accomplishments.

Thinking of the boss even back then, I found it better not to carry a grudge, because I noticed that anger blinded me more than acknowledging the concurring sadness and hurt I felt at being disregarded and dejected. It is easier and more stereotypical to be deemed an angry person (that made it somehow easier for her to double down) than it was to give me the raw despondent feelings of being human and heartbroken at poor treatment.

I remember a guy once ghosting me and reappearing to the tune of a text and email that simply stated: “How mad are you at me?” Within those moments, I realized it was easier for him to face an angry caricature of me than the true person he had disappointed. “…mad…?” How about “How sad and/or disappointed are you?”

There seems to be a lot more I know about myself. There also seems to be so much more I could uncover. Being nomadic, I am possibly learning more about all of life than I ever thought I would.

Community Continues

August 30, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

I have a better definition of my criteria for moving abroad (which by the way, I am finishing this post from a point of recovering from an illness so it may not be so thorough).

This is more of my recent thoughts combined with  previous rough drafts plus remnants of wild dreams while I slept and recovered.

My more considerate definition for moving abroad seemed to be taken shape before I came back to Cusco. I guess I should have known that after about 3 months revisiting and living in Lima, I, of course was getting more accustomed to that city lifestyle.

Primarily, my heart did fall heavily for Cusco as it my second time here. On the other hand, I completely underestimated that how I once dealt with the extreme altitude about 11 plus years ago was completely different than how I have been dealing with it now.

I chose an AirBnB that seemed rather safe and nice but got my wind immediately taken away when I attempted to take my first walk around the steeply inclined neighborhood. Since,  I was not in the main square and not in a more tourist-like area, I felt the much more steep drop offs from the surrounding sidewalks were seemingly created out of function, more convenience that rather called for us walkers to make the necessary adjustments. I noticed some people seem to have quite a rhythm to it. I also noticed others breathing heavily, especially those who shared the aparthotel like building where we must have all been renting the AirBnB space. I suddenly wondered how long 10 days in this particular area would seem. Fast or not soon enough. This was not the dream apartment (Air BnB) I rented in the Surquillo neighborhood in Lima for one of those 3 months. It also was not that among the convenience of the Lima hostels.

On the upside, I do think this was a good beginning for Cusco, so that once I checked into a hostel (okay, 2 days earlier), I was incredibly grateful. I was grateful for the very hot water the AirBnB did not have plus breakfast and other amenities that were a given. I could literally be warm and have community. 😊

Community is really what I have been getting to here as I have made this journey. I realized that the major part of my criteria has not only been about becoming more in tune with my material likes but also appreciating the connections I make and the connections I have already had for so long. I more readily see how I underestimated how much easier it was to navigate abroad while spending time with other people volunteering.

Sure, I needed my moments of solitude, but I simultaneously must have taken the built-in camaraderie for granted. For as long as my volunteer time in South America the first time around and for as short as my half week volunteering in San Juan, there were people to connect with. Going back and revisiting those places has shown me how natural it became to find a couple or 10 people here or there to spend a lot of extra time with shooting the breeze, eating out, sharing stories and listening.

I have enjoyed connecting with people here in between just working as a digital nomad. I just want to admit to myself how less fluid I have been. It is especially less fluid for me when staying solo in rentals. I have to put in more research, more time on the next move I make. Notably, the goal gets even easier when sharing a hostel and though not the same, I now can see even more why having the expat and traveling groups online is helpful during and prior to travels.

What I have done can be done successfully. I know people who do. It seems just getting so sick and reflecting on some rough patches had me realizing how much I appreciate the community I have already had and the people I have been able to meet during my progress now.

So as I come to focus on how much I value community overall, I know it includes the one I have had for so many years including my family and friends back home and whoever I may add this way. I am thankful for the peace and support that goes with my brothers and family as well as the friends I have enjoyed while I was in DC and Ohio. I am thankful for the people who genuinely enter my circle too.

An additional plus, I must note, is that being more travel ready has helped me see some friends and family more often but overall, there is a tinge in my heart in which I continuously wish they were all no more than just 10 minutes away. Still learning.

The Grass Being Green

July 30, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

Simply Green. We could spend a lifetime imagining that the way someone else is doing their life is better than ours or just imagining this person is so lucky and blessed to be with this partner or to have so much of some material items. Of course, the coveted life we imagine is infinitely amazing, because we cannot really feel what they are living. What are they actually going through and what are they longing for? 

What I Want to Share: As I am having more gratitude for different layers to my life like the ability to travel while working, I am reminding myself not to think about not making as much money as before. I can make enough money and more depending on my translation work and side hustles.

I can be grateful that I have close friends and family who support my ideas and support my decisions while I can remind myself not to be hard on myself for the negative judgments aimed at me from some others. I can remind myself to remain as accepting as I am of all people, despite being sometimes rejected.

I can be happy with my achievements while I can remind myself that I am learning what I need to learn when life ultimately reveals my lessons to me. I can remind myself not to feel discouraged about not getting to this part of my path as soon as I think I would have liked. I can be pleased to be in the spaces especially forged for me.

78 Dance Partners

July 29, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

I was looking for live music. I was looking for DJs. I was looking for the occasional cocktail but mostly I was panning out for camaraderie and a chance to continue dancing.  Another part of the life plan decided: Dancing will continue to be my natural high, my ready escape and relaxed synchronicity between my mind, attitude and body.

Navigating my way back through Peru tells me what I need for a healthy life, or I guess, rather for a considerably healthier life. As noted here, I have reintroduced one element which comes through dancing. I really got to feel into this during college. Sometimes, I forget because of circumstances. I was last in DC before starting to travel again and there were times when everything added up: Right places, right music, right price and willing friends.

The combination was not as easy as it had been during university which seemed readily conducive to more divey bars/clubs and or upscale-like venues and dancing events. Still, there was definitely a time, in the middle of my DC life when a group of us were frequenting one neighborhood or another like U Street or Dupont Circle. I was in my element. Later on unfortunately, this was not so much. I could understand why. A lot of schedules, logistics and motivation (in which others additionally feel self-conscious while dancing) were present.

Then, coinciding with my first trip to Pisco, Peru, I unexpectedly found myself in the company of many people locally and from various countries who I would accompany to discos and bars on nights and weekends. Music and dance also permeated our volunteer home/headquarters.

As I started my third time back in Peru, I was not so sure about getting to enjoy music and connect with people. This time, I had picked up travel again in San Juan and then spent some time in Mexico. Notably, Puerto Rico was very satiating since there is a big dance scene, but I did not get this immediate fulfillment when I moved on to Merida, Mexico (though I love this place). Coincidentally, I had not danced much in Mexico, my time more so playing out with friends in places without ideal dance floors or music. (I like a variety but hanging out plus dancing was not coming to me).

Then, these last two weeks happened, and it was a mirror of my co-volunteer time back in Pisco and Cusco, but this time as a digital nomad trying out a much different lifestyle. Splitting my time between hostels, hotels and Airbnb apartments in various Peruvian neighborhoods played a good part. Getting time to regroup and switch up neighborhoods and go back to community in hostels helped me connect with more travelers and residents.

Having a bar upstairs in a hostel is particularly helpful. I met a few people from Peru along with a Colombian doctor. Though I have connected with various people while walking around and hanging out, considerable time would pass without me finding people who in addition to the fun treks and sight-seeing, also wanted to relax with music and dancing. This second to last hostel was one answer. Some people naturally have a way of making me feel at home: In addition to these four local people, I clicked with an Italian traveler and her friends, leading us to another ideal club, where we could dance with each other and others from Peru. The scene reminded me that I had also connected with an American guy and Venezuelan expats similarly, about a month prior to this.

Once I started college and imitated the dance moves I saw in pop culture and improvised with my own, I recalled how I had likewise done so in my childhood. During those previously shy phases, I would simply dance alone in my room, in our basement or when I was home alone.

There seems to be some added meditative element. There also seems to be a release like a sigh of relief and joy complementing the expression. My dancing inhibitions also come and go. I can very much understand motivation being based on mood and other elements. My wavering confidence has the potential to reappear.

What strikes me now is appreciation for my recent dance partners. There is also cause to appreciate all the partners that came before whether we were in a club, home, dorm room, restaurant, open space outside, etc. I am more pleased now to think back over a lifetime of so many meeting of the minds under good beats, soothing rhythms, shared smiles and connections in a multitude of glances.

Chances

June 20, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

Safe travels. Risky travels. They go beyond the hikes, treks, finances and living outside of my home country, away from some creature comforts and to what I am accustomed.

There is more. There is the extension of social risks as well as psychological and emotional vulnerability connecting with people, being accepted and being culturally cognizant. Also notable is the overarching need to be accepting of myself – ourselves. 

Travel seems to naturally set the tone for possibilities and the result is both scary and fascinating. When I travel, I am reminded how much I can experiment and now I am acclimating between tourist, (former volunteer), and resident, while also working.

Therefore, I find myself out here as quite readily the walking contradiction – a people-person who enjoys being introverted, enjoys hanging out with other travelers and local people while also solo traveling. 

I knew I wanted to get back to this. I am welcoming change, taking the more social and personal risks, while also understanding I need my introversion and comfort. Touring plus working plus grocery shopping is more my new normal. 

In the vulnerability, there is also the promise of greater confidence and a healthy mindset, and in my case, substantial healing.

As I shift to find my best balance, some days are more innate, and I easily get lost in the experience of all my surroundings and connecting with others. On other days, no matter how much I am a patron, dining and enjoying or maybe just feeling awkward and doing similar, I still have that feeling of how it would play out nicely with another person or a few people, (as it has). Interestingly, this also makes me realize how much I appreciate my solo time exploring as well. As I noted in How To Go, being willing to experiment with and without people adds to my choices. I could not say then or now that I would or will always feel encouraged, but just ever aware that I am free and capable to try a lot more.

Imagined This

June 18, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

Surprising clarity about my preference for living in Peru strikes me repeatedly. It hits in different ways. Beginning as a feeling of belonging when I first stayed for months in parts of 2010 and 2011, staying with me when I returned to the US, played with when I revisited in 2019 and here again as I experience the main city instead of the others I was in before.

I could live elsewhere, yet the current decision has seemed to narrow down to choosing between Lima and Cusco. I picture myself enjoying both long-term. The key may mean trying both again, but this time, just as a digital nomad rather than a volunteer. 

I was trying to consider Mexico. I enjoyed Merida, but perhaps more to visit. I enjoyed Oaxaca, yet my mindset was very much wrapped around touring and relaxing there. I was momentarily considering relocating to other Mexican cities (not Guadalajara) as well, but being back in Peru has reiterated my initial desires of living here. 

With further thought: This also does not have to be final, but very possibly some part of my final choices (living in 1 or more countries, including the US).

I am reminded I can change my mind. I can also still try what I am drawn to, what I was dreaming of, mark one experience off the list, fine tune this one or the next one, or set it aside altogether.

Experimenting brings some fear but less daunting vibes, knowing I have been here before and even what I have not done is just a compass for what to try.

Traveling Gratitude

May 31, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

Since Guadalajara was tepid to cold, I appreciate having Merida before and Oaxaca after, all the much more.

There is the possibility I had situated myself in the wrong Guadalajaran neighborhood in a mismatched hostel. There is the possibility I was there at the wrong time with standoffish co-guests and staff. They seemed friendlier to one another. Fortunately, I had not experienced such a feeling before nor have I experienced similar, following this one, save a few people who don’t click or clash within the transient groups.

There were the intermittent nice people in the city, but the overall feeling of being in the way, while doing what anyone else was doing, seemed to be a running theme. I had to suddenly realize how my usual experience abroad had spoiled me with kindness, warmth, and excitement. Other places were not without awkward or tense times. Those times were just so far from the norm.

Nice encounters could certainly be nice throughout my visit to Guadalajara, but I still missed some typical courtesies, which I extend as well in my interactions. I am glad Oaxaca reiterated my good and even flattering experiences in Mexico and that Peru is cementing my affection and joy of continuing my travels.

Was this Guadalajara or the city-particular reception to me or just a coincidence to the spaces in which I found myself. Maybe? There were moments I even felt like some of the truly kind people looked somewhat concerned or particularly attentive to me.

I acknowledged my excited expectations had finally waned and coupling my accommodations with a final hotel stay gave me some needed reprieve, for I could hibernate for a day, doing what I wanted to do indoors plus the staff was friendly. I picked up my personal city walk a day later. I opted out of the Tlaquepaque and the Tequila train tour to put money towards my next good times. I am open to doing both later.

I was momentarily concerned that my own energy would shift into a single bitterness. I am eternally grateful for Merida, Oaxaca, and Lima currently. (I may revisit Cusco and the Ica region of Peru again soon).

I do not want to judge or accept only one 7-day stay as my final impression of Guadalajara so I will leave this here and enjoy the time I have traveling now, while continuing to be thankful for all I have been able to do, including the tough lessons learned along with the beauty of the places and the pleasant people who continue to dwell there. 

OAXACA

May 29, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

So much to say but mainly speaking to the energy, I sit in my recent visit to Oaxaca city of Oaxaca state, Mexico. I was mainly swept away by the city’s presence and the immense welcome I encountered.

Primarily, I was bracing myself after not such a great stay in Guadalajara, which followed a great experience in Merida (which no doubt had its obstacles but was overall pleasant).

Now, I am glad that reversing the flight order and visiting Guadalajara first made more sense. Based on the flights available, this was the best choice and my overall Mexican stop ended up being sweeter, having Merida as a soft opening, and Oaxaca close the curtain. Guadalajara was a harsh note. Just the same I would not trade the days. I learned  some lessons there.

Oaxaca, how insistent was it that I fall in love and right away, third city of this tour-go-round: my heart was captured within minor seconds. The city, locals and other visitors held me close until the end, and in parting ways, there was another insistence for me to come back and share you again and again.

OAX – International Airport – I got here fairly early and in all added fairness, even GDL could redeem itself via its outgoing flight from here (Guadalajara, sorry I will limit my experience to the few neighborhoods I was in and try you again later though I have to admit I’m not very tempted … maybe later).

Well, right away, the friendliness at Oaxaca Airport transported me back to the accommodation and encompassing hospitable feelings I found throughout my stay in Merida. The taxi from the airport did not feel so unfamiliar. Flirtation from an Uber and/or Taxi Driver has not been too unusual in and out of  the  States. Flattering? Sure. Yet, to be self-assured, I typically have a “boyfriend”. However I am open to dating and new friendships so I discern through the vibes of situations (not that this always goes well). The Oaxacan taxi driver’s interaction felt sweet in between ideas and notes about his city.

Hotel – It was simpler than the one I booked in Guadalajara (better still). Morning began with a complementary Mexican breakfast and a pleasant staff. “I love your hair” (in Spanish) was one of the first greetings I received as I sat down to enjoy the view and food. The place became more like a cozy apartment throughout each of my 4 Oaxacan days. It was funny to realize the first day, I had actually walked the opposite way of the Zocalo and rest of the city’s historical center after dropping off my bags and wandering away to eat up time before my 3pm check-in. After all, my hotel was conveniently located near the Zocalo area.

I tentatively spontaneously had a walking tour planned (if I could find the meeting point) so the main goal was a veggie place before or following a tour and as I explored, I found a city bus tour company instead. I inquired inside and found out it was just 100 pesos, but the company associate also informed me the next tour would not be until 6 pm and she would have to have a certain number of people. Understandable. She asked for my number and said she would give me a call if it was still going to take place. I had some time before then, so I decided I would go ahead and look for the vegetarian-recommended restaurant. 

On my way there, I saw a Oaxacan homemade chocolate store (making a note to myself to visit later) ). I had been a little lost, but I recently learned a way not to get so turned when this happens like I did in Merida. (I can attribute this new-found knowledge to my time in Guadalajara).

Now, let’s just have a moment for my meal. My veggie taquitos smothered in jamaica (ha-ma-e-ka) were mouthwatering before and after (I dreamed of them later and I dream of them now😊). I dined in but took the vegan mousse to go. I knew the place was going to be eclectic, and the best ones seem to also include a reading material area. This one had a reading and children’s play area. You immediately get the familiar abroad feeling of being able to relax and enjoy your meal before and after – there was not going to be any rush to turn over my table for another customer. There was space and time to savor. The restaurant is Calabacitas Tiernas.

Still taking my sweet time after I left, I strolled back by the chocolate store while noticing I had a missed WhatsApp call. I correctly assumed it was the tour company. I was touched she had taken the time to update me. I was convinced I wouldn’t make it back in time (it was already almost 6 – I pictured the bus leaving) so I visited the chocolate shop Villa Real. There were artisan objects to buy as well as well as a natural multitude of chocolate treats. The storekeeper offered me a chocolate tasting to which I, of course agreed. Easily. He was skilled at this, offering them to me in varying degrees of bitterness and giving me a chaser after the last one so I wouldn’t be left with a bitter taste in my mouth. (I a deliciously so glad I made it there).

I bought my favorite chocolate from the tasting. He chuckled before we began the taste testing when I told him I like all chocolate types. He had given me history and experience. I asked to take photos and gave him a tip because I really felt he didn’t have to do any of this. I thought I would just be exploring the precious store on my own. He didn’t have to do this, nor did he expect the tip.

I started the walk back in the direction of where I thought the tour bus station was located. It was easy to find. I expected nothing but as soon as I popped my head in, the tour associate began preparing my ticket. Although it was about 5 minutes after 6, the bus had not taken off yet. Several ladies (who I later found out were visiting there from Chiapas), were sitting behind me as she took my pesos and printed my ticket. One of them inquired if I was single and/or traveling alone, solita -(affectionate alone). For some reason, instead of my usual “yes” in Spanish, I answered “For now” in Spanish, to which she and I started laughing. She relayed the message to her friends and said the same was true for all of them.

The Oaxacan tour guide was so thorough including the instructions to intermittently duck, as we were in the top of a double decker and some of the tree branches dipped low. I thought that was clever how he inserted the warnings, between the details of the history, gastronomy, buildings and neighborhoods passes us by. Every moment was in Spanish. We stopped at a hielo stand and encountered another docked tour bus that was notably English tour-guided only. Apparently, the hielo-stand stop was baked into the tours so we could try this local treat. I said hi to my fellow country people already in line (well, they were hardly in line), but I graciously let them make up their minds and gather themselves together (after all, they were there first).

Recommended independent coffee shop in Oaxaca: Marito&Moglie’s Cafe. While I do go to Starbucks quite often due to the freelancer-work-conducive vibe, I like a local indy coffee shop that also contains books, art, history and no doubt: inspiration. For guidance, I completely lifted the Marito&Moglie’s recommendation from Google Pictures and ratings. If I was there longer, I would also try others. I took my laptop, ordered my mocha. Familiarity cushioning new experiences. There is certainly a feeling that accompanies finding a specific treasure.

There is another feeling that matches stumbling upon a treasure: I stumbled into CANTINITA and tried not to stumble out of it. 😉

I knew I wanted to enjoy a drink at the bar. I thought it would be a margarita, but suddenly Mexico and specifically Oaxaca’s other libation seemed most appropriate. Cantanita and its mezcal focus was ideal. I went to the bar and was greeted by a very tall bartender who I later found moved from another Mexican city and state to Oaxaca city of Oaxaca state. I ordered the ensemble of agaves which I did not know much about  – which was served with a shot glass serving of water.  He poured that first. The mezcal is strong. I enjoyed the moments, taking it in, tasting the special distilled mix. I felt so calm, invited in by the other patrons who welcomed me in. I followed up with the non-alcoholic kombucha. The bartender and I chatted. He gave me a token for a free shot later that night when there would be live music. Naturally this must be redeemed in a few hours. I knew I would be leaving soon.

I searched for a specific library on another day (I like to visit a local public one). This relates to my first hobby as a human, new to Earth. I am transported back to my childhood fascination with reading and my original home state of Ohio. I’m transported to the days I frequented the library and escaped. I am immersed in the creativity and community which readily emanates and like the chocolate tienda, a local gentleman gave me an impromptu tour. He and other Oaxacan students had been a part of a program that studied in the US, and he was working here now. We were in the room of resources for children with disabilities. He also showed me some English language resources. I wandered to explore some more before heading out, we discussed cultural aspects of our respective countries, and I thanked him before heading out.

I was fortunate my short visit also featured some free local performances in the main center. I did not stay for their entirety, but the energy and excitement exchanged between the artists and the crowd encapsulated the almost indescribable uplifting spirit of being in Oaxaca itself. People, art, spirituality, music, food, drinks. Hope to meet these moments again. Thank you, dear Oaxaca. Dear Oaxacans, Thank you.

Intermission continues

April 30,by Cassandra Johnson

I deferred to Starbucks at first and Starbucks can be easy because it is set up to a certain ambience and convenience but I also like if I can get the same convenience and comfort at a local coffee shop (I like cafe mocha and hot chocolate especially-shameless aside: I got that convenience today when I started my day at “The Coffee Legacy”, instead, right across the street from Starbucks. (They know what they’re doing with that location.

I was unfortunately not getting the most excitable vibes from my first neighborhood experience here in Guadalajara so I am so happy that I stumbled across a nicer more welcoming picturesque neighborhood, more like Merida today, doing more of what I like and more of what I am used to and it makes sense that it was going past a cute little local bookstore, major parks, a commercial center, Asian restaurants, Mexican restaurants and American restaurants. I feel so much more satiated today and a lot of it has to do with the combination of being more welcomed, being accepted, and being appreciated for my differences and the joy of getting to be a guest here. I have many pictures to share but deferring to yesterday’s explanation, due to my computer problems, I am going to stop here and let you know again how much I appreciate you letting me share with you.

Intermission

April 29, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

I went on to Guadalajara instead of Oaxaca first and now I can’t tell if I am seeing Guadalajara through the opposite of rose-colored glasses because I had so many immediate visions of what it would be like to be in Oaxaca seeing as it has been described as such a mecca of brilliant cuisine and artistry. There was this in addition to seeing the reminiscent expressions or longing looks on people’s faces when I mentioned I wanted to go there after Merida. Oaxaca will be third now. I think.

I am interested in Guadalajara as well, but I am not as in touch with what I might like to explore. I have some general ideas. Nothing written in stone. I just arrived yesterday from my layover administrative trip to Houston which also gave me something extra to wonder about, like why did that feel like another type of needed vacation in addition to the week in which my computers were out of commission in Merida.  No computers meant I could actually just focus on hanging out with people, sight seeing, leisure time and my self-reflections there. Houston was a different break.

I have to stop here for a bit reluctantly, only because my computer issues persist and I want to be able to freely share a lot more details. I will add another post tomorrow and following another electronics purchase, I will add to these blogs. Thank you for bearing with me and sticking with me. I always look forward to sharing with you.