Category: backpacking

Out there

October 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

I actually found a to-do list that is nearly finished. Granted, this particular one (I have many) only had about 3 things on it. Still. šŸ˜Š Some semblance to progress.

Over this past month, as one closet seemed empty and a bit neater, one room became more jumbled. Yet, progress can sometimes appear a bit messy and not exactly how you would envision it. My intentions and actions began with some type of order but not much could stay neatly in place as the more I reviewed items and the more I had to dismantle furniture and areas of my place, the process took on a life of its own, depending on my job work load, other commitments, desires and peopleā€™s responses to what I was selling and giving away. To get to the point I am in now, I could control the overarching momentum of this move but not everything. Both sides of that led to my liberation. Still, I also made sure I had my very necessary social time with friends and family. I leaned into the peace and laughter they give me.

Still, I am a bit surprised at myself as I walk around my soon to be former apartment now starting to echo but I wonā€™t stop being anxious until my nomadic plan starts to seem real again, not until Iā€™m in that flying seat to San Juan, Puerto Rico, with only virtual matters in my head, like online banking and my new Traveling Mailbox.

It’s comforting to think of the freedom of not being tied to this particular spot, yet I will have some very small storage I expect to downsize and eliminate in the coming year or two. Iā€™m thankful I finally found a guy with reasonable pricing and a very strong physique to help me with this last part of lifting these items and doing it ever so quickly. I will remember that he made the last few days of my time here ones with more ease. I take it as a sign of people reminding me Iā€™m worth this and how much community is necessary.

I really am grateful for a lot. I appreciate how there are people who like my offers and there are people who didnā€™t break my bank (like the gentleman above) and who were genuinely enthusiastic about working with me.

My hiccups have been ever present so knowing I could overcome some has fueled my energy. Other moments, I imagined giving up or perhaps just giving in and trying another route I do not actually think I want.

I like the sense of knowing a lot of this is directed by me already. Sure. I want to relinquish the plan-making to someone else now and then, but there is also a lot of encouragement in knowing my whims could lead to very real dreams. We will see.

Why We Follow

September 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Those Aspirations. I see why we cannot secretly let them go. I see why, if we seemingly talk ourselves out of them (not naturally just changing them), we canā€™t always forget.

I felt some weight lift off my shoulders yesterday as I imagined visiting new places again while submitting my 30-day notice. I gradually became less tied to how this could also be perceived. I took a little break from the warnings to be careful in ā€œstrangeā€ places and talking me out of going.

This may just look different. Though it does feel good, admittedly I also feel odd and also know I can again intermittingly get tied to those perceptions above. Unwittingly.

It may look like giving up stability. Honestly, it is giving up one kind. On the other handā€¦

I also see being a digital nomad as having a lot more potential freedom and choices to explore before deciding on what stability means again.

That weight off my shoulder was just one benefit. I could also sense the physical and emotional wellbeing of letting go of the stress that comes with maintaining a lifestyle in this cosmopolitan area (though I loved this area!) Having more time with friends and family is more necessary and welcome to my wellbeing now.

I felt less rancor creeping in at what I could be missing by working harder and longer and only playing part of the time.

My energy feels better directed, not just aimed at meeting goals that are no longer right for me.

Each timeframe is different.

I feel a growing grace and empathy, knowing how scared many of us can be, at any stage, to give up what we know for things not promised. However, we have come this far because of our capabilities. We have proof more is possible.

We have permission to get information wrong and view missteps and unforeseen circumstances as the chance to redirect.

We have permission not to have all the answers. We have room to commend ourselves. We can tread carefully, take our time, or take a leap. We each get to seek out the goals best for us, increasingly reminded to also give ourselves peace.

made me do it

September 27, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Finding a home for my Cuban cigars was one thing. Giving away 1 end table out of 2 was another. Securing my virtual mailbox was just completed this morning and giving away my beloved bookcase is in progress.

There is still so much but spaces are clearing. My hope is growing and so is my uncertainty. I hope for the best but naturally I canā€™t squash the fear. I can fantasize about what is on the other side of picking up and traveling again but I can also feel my nerves taking over from time to time. The fear, the anxiety and the excitement have to live together for now. Itā€™s helpful to know people are doing it and itā€™s being done all the time. Still, wish me luck and thanks for always cheering me on.

Now that I have started, I canā€™t stop.

I started in August this year. Likewise, I started back in 2010, played with some getaway moments. I dived in during the past but had more of a safety net to dive back into (but I do have to remind myself I was extremely nervous then as well). I have to remember how now that I have experienced it, I have a better picture of how to navigate new surroundings, happily. Yet, I also know how uncomfortable life can be when one is just getting their footing. Additionally, we know there can be some issues. There can be moments we donā€™t particularly care for and ones we absolutely dislike.

Sentimentality too. I really like DC (a reminder that this was another part of my fantasy life realized).  Hearing the musician on the metro platform last night particularly made me pre-nostalgic for my second home. I will miss that. I will miss a lot but as they say, you donā€™t know what you donā€™t know. There is even more to experience. I never could have imagined how much I would have fell for the landscape and culture of Peru, much like I fell for the nuances of DC. I can only imagine what a place looks to be like. How a space makes you feel is a whole other matter.

Like my previous somewhat dares, I am again more excited about the prospects than fearful of what I canā€™t even imagine discovering.

Now, I have started, I canā€™t stop. I canā€™t imagine.

August

August 31, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

2006 to 2023. Have I been here a little longer than I expected? I suspect I am just surprised how much time has passed. I was open to different professional and personal outcomes, but I see most experiences lead me back to the same clarity.

August 1st: I completely accepted that I am again ready for another setting, more interested in connecting with friends and family more often.

Similar to yesterdayā€™s reflection, I am fairly set on how much I am just going to look forward to visiting here.

August 4th: Downsizing proves to be just as much effort as I have been forewarned about. Naturally I did not want to see this as daunting for my own wellbeing. Couldnā€™t this just be extra busy work? Couldnā€™t this still be seamless?No. Not at all. I also need a lot of other aspects to fall into place like the availability of people and their interests in acquiring more stuff along with me having the time to deal with all such circumstances. Also factor in unexpected events like todayā€™s impromptu dental appointmentšŸ˜Š (Enter August 31st).

August 12th: Feeling reality. Iā€™m feeling confident and uncertain. These two exist together, somehow. I dismantle some furniture and clean out my end tables. I go through old mementos. I remove unnecessary items from my bookcase. With so many details, I push my trip back (admittedly with some procrastinating comfort). I canā€™t push back my desires. This could get messy. This is also okay.

The month flies like so many with me determined not to forget my everyday demands.

August 26th ā€“ DC United Soccer ā€“ My good friend and I spend the evening at the home game and hanging out. Perfect timing for a nice outing. There was the thought of how long ago it had been since we watched the game in person, so much so, we were just now getting to enjoy the new Stadium. I was reminded of my younger more impressionable years when I first arrived here. I was reminded of the now defunct stadium we once cheered in.

Everything was welcome in its own time.

August.

The challenges remain.

The goals do too.

Pending

August 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

This city (district) doesnā€™t exactly feel like mine anymore. I was imagining a near future in which I would now be a temporary visitor here. I was imagining myself as a tourist who knows all the ins and outs of this place. I would still navigate it comfortably.

I have lived here since 2006.

Different times, different occupations, different favorite spots. Now some of those favorite spots are closed. A lot of really nice places have remained. I donā€™t imagine the museums and galleries ever disappearing, just changing somehow.

I know this place well. Another home.

I worked in neighboring Virginia during my initial years here while living in adjacent Maryland, enjoying the MV of the DMV, but of course always hanging in DC and spending most of my last years living here. I have been fascinated with DC neighborhoods like Dupont Circle, Georgetown, U Street, Le Droit Park, Gallery Place, Farragut North, all of downtown and some more and it is funny how various subchapters have unfolded where I ended up spending part of certain years or several months frequenting the same spots. How interesting it is to be drawn to certain venues and paths making the way back to various apartments or hanging out with friends in intriguing or simply cozy destinations.

Of course, there is always the monumental backdrop. There is always what naturally draws tourism like the Reflecting Pool, like Abraham Lincolnā€™s statue towering even though his position is seated surrounded by his most notable speeches and quotes. There are those cherry blossoms refusing to simply stay put in the Tidal Basin and therefore sprinkling themselves into everyday corners and neighborhoods yet remaining most breathtaking and full at their base.

Experiences: Happy Hours. Giggling over dinner. Failed romantic dates. Unforgettable kisses. Random lines. Overpriced brunches. Surprisingly underpriced happy hours. Favorite dance clubs. Crowded bars. Some random fun. Convenient subway/metros and early-to-late buses. A district/city so ready for the influx of Uber and Lyft. Green spaces amongst the buildings so conducive to outdoor events like the World Cup on the Jumbotron, Screen on the Green, 2008 Inauguration, Embassy Open House weekend and free cultural festivals. Sooo many free museums.

Certainly, D.C. I will miss you. So, maybe I am stalling for an additional reason other than simultaneously attempting to sell, give away and discard my things. Amidst excitement, this place has left me with a familiar bittersweet feeling in my admitted propensity towards sensitivity (both good and bad). I want to stay and at the same time, I am insatiably excited to leave. It has to be stated. You were very much a part of my growth as much as OHIO and the international stops here and there. You always will be.

So while it will be different not settling back in here again, I can lean into my own reflection of Ours to Claim. I am now more excited to more readily see friends and family in my new mobile life, fortunate DC was a vision I also came to see.

Not That

July 31, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Realizing we are not simply what we do is eye opening.

We often can be expected to show ā€œwhat we bring to the tableā€ for work and when partnering up in romance.

From another perspective, we may not realize how we can better and more naturally be characterized by our passions, disposition, temperament, how we treat others and how we treat ourselves.

Achievement and attainment do not completely tell the story about who we are and how not to succumb to feeling like we cannot do or be enough.

Naturally showing up at the table: This can be a different side of my crumbs observance. There is a danger of being overly demanding of ourselves, overly evaluating outside objects and objectives. Marketing preys on that, asking or telling us what we are supposedly lacking, and how we can be filled up with what is being offered. Of course, items and experiences can add value to life and meet our needs and wishes. Achievement can add ease and innumerable benefits to our own lives and others. Getting there is just not the everything it can present itself to be. You begin as everything and expand from there.

We naturally influence others by our personality, passions, concerns, doing or nothing-doing and they influence us.

I credit the vaycarian group I follow for highlighting this for me too, reminding me of tiny whispers I had heard of this before. Achievements are not what makes you worthy nor exactly what can make you valuable to other people. Reaching objectives is noteworthy. Going towards them in the way you do is inspiring. Still, your life can prove influential no matter what. All the good intentions, hopes and attempts are exemplary.

Achievements can be tools for more service and fulfilment for us and others. They do not subtract from our inherent value when we are not fulfilling or have not fulfilled them.

I would be lying to myself to imagine how giving up goals is a complete answer or correct. They matter. I enjoy a nice challenge and the celebration as well. I enjoy witnessing that energy from others too. Ā Still, I lean into this realization and reminders. The objectives do not need to be a complete substitution for who we naturally are, nor for all the experiences on our way to Point B.

Stretch

July 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

More space made it easier for me to fight the idea that I need to declutter. My spacious 1-bedroom apartment (a special gift to myself versus my younger days in studios and of course much younger days in the university dorm) means I have been able to keep clothes in a couple different closets and important papers put away that probably are not all that important.

I would think I was leaning towards the ownership of a home. After all, that is an accomplishment I also hold in high esteem. Ironically, however, I find I am currently in a chapter where it is time to do the opposite. I cannot exactly say that I am minimalist or trying to become a minimalist. I cannot say that I am going backwards. Perhaps, I could be just a bit. I am definitely taking a step back from the current view. Alternatively, I am continuing on but finally ready to do so in a different setting on a more permanent basis. So, the effort is not so much minimalization as it is that I just canā€™t take all this on the road/in the air with me.  

Additionally, what a relief and what freedom to be reminded I do not need to make a final decision yet about my next home. What relief and exactly the kind of freedom I need to pick up long-term wandering again.

Being both restricted from travel and trying to come back from my initial long term trip to settle down was a bit halting for me, although at first I did not realize how much so. I guess it was a tiny bit unnatural though I enjoyed moving to and living in DC and staying in the area to advance some goals, enjoy friends, scenery, food, museums, festivals, art, history and everyday experiences. I settled here enough to mature even more and learned it is okay to tweak my dreams. As Ā they say, it is time to move on.

Soon to be the Districtā€™s visitor, I am excited to share my next stop with you in the next few months. I narrowed it down to a couple of places, just for a start and a light workcation, which I am pretty sure is on my eventual way back to Peru. We will see. How nice to not have to make up a mind sometimes. Iā€™m glad you are here and that I found the Vaycarian community especially. With you and them, I feel a little firmer about my footing. Knowing many others share my thoughts is encouraging. Imperfection is going to happen. My fears and excitement are wildly intertwined. Thank you for letting me know this is all okay.

Save yourself

June 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Who knows you better than you know yourself? I was speaking to a friend recently (who was innocent of what was happening in our conversation on all accounts). I realized he was talking about his future vacation spots and his idealized romantic future as if I shared the same outlook. While I was excited, it was more happiness for him, rather than vicariously. The places he wants to go and the career goals he has set for himself are not my own. I was realizing this more and more as he expected me to share a wistful moment. I did not. I could not and I was happy I snapped out of it. 

Similarly, I recall when I was asked about what I had done previously, traveling solo to a place that my aunt in Alabama thought was dangerous. She followed up with  ā€¦ ā€œyou wonā€™t do that again now, will you?ā€ Just prior to that, she had referred to me being brave, but maybe not with the most complimentary tone. The ā€œwonā€™t do that againā€ frightened me more than being alone in an unfamiliar place. It occurred to me that it threatened to take away my dream. It was just a different angle that left me thinking twice.

Her fear was something unspoken that had caused me not to travel sooner. Getting the courage to do that and even to move to my current location took some convincing of myself. I still find it hard not to hear the contrary thoughts, the possibility of failure and some implication to how strange some of what I may consider is.

Odd how someone can speak an affirmation on another personā€™s behalf, including the scenario in which a friend sought for us to be on the same page in our dreams and whether we were reaching them or not.

If I did not trust in myself better (even on my low days) or if my imbalance did not give me clues that I am unsettled and still growing,  I might think I could be satisfied with what they told me. I could tell myself I can go those routes which they would find most acceptable and most comfortable.

Though I may not be sure of everything, I am also okay. I know the passions that have lingered for me even when I am wondering, and I need an eventual reminder that my space is not to be filled with another personā€™s ā€œappropriateā€ plans for me.

This happens a lot for some of us, I notice. With fear and uncertainty, we could falter. I remind myself I cannot plan from a place of both my own fears and the fears of others. We do know ourselves best, even in confusion, sometimes even in my temporary delusion. Still, no one can replace our truest thoughts. At the beginning or the end of our process, we have to be real with ourselves or remain dissatisfied.

We are the most familiar with all the interests and needs we require to be happy and secure, without harming others of course. No one could thoroughly guess or be so inclined to give you what you need or will they necessarily be driven to do so, despite the greatest intention.

Not necessarily selfish on anyone elseā€™s part, the call just gets louder to pursue personal interests, limiting the regrets. Every individual can envision an enhanced path. May we have access and the will to explore it.

Paradise is Less

June 28, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Other than some of the logistics for temporarily volunteering abroad, I could never have clearly imagined what all the time in between would look like. I had fantasies of tastes and pretty landscapes from my research, but nothing can compare to the actual experience overtaking your senses.

I knew what I should see around Pisco, Ica and what more I would like to see. I wanted to visit the Afro Peruvian town of Chincha, about an hour bus ride away. I also knew I wanted to leave the desert town after a while to make sure I did a mini trek to Machu Picchu.

Still, there were more ruins, historical sites and architecture I would experience through Arequipa. There was still the nightlife. I had planned for a substantial amount, hoping to make it to every desired stop.

I would reach many milestones. I was determined and inspired by my National Geographic travel guidebook. However, what I did not expect was so much more abundance coupled with a true sense of peace. I did not know how naturally we would be on the beach, down by the water where the Peruvian fishermen were (some of whom we knew from working together). I did not know the city ofĀ  Paracas was also going to serve up some of the best ceviche I would ever have on a one-day trip with four other friends and I did not know that just across the street from our shared volunteer hostel, there would be a home doubling as a delicious Peruvian cuisine spot. This could be any day abroad then and yet it was the food I would find especially sought after back in my new DC home.

Taking a tuk tuk ride into the market area also greeted us with some delicious Peruvian and chaufa (Chinese food) options. ..ā€¦ and the town of Huacachinaā€™s reasonably priced dune buggy rides and sandboarding were an easy 1 and a half day weekend away for most of the group. We took an abbreviated mini break from hostel living to this oasis before jumping back into our weekly routines. I recall the epicurean pasta and other cuisines still being reasonably priced although the activities and views could have made our stop much more costly, especially since we were beginning to touch upon a touristy area. Ā 

The cities of Havana, ViƱales, Trinidad, Cienfuegos, and Matanzas in Cuba each had their own luxury as well. Tobacco fields and honey harvesting farms. Staying in private well maintained homes with local people through casasparticulares.com. The popular Coppelia ice cream parlor. Chatting and getting tips from local people while mixing in official tourist activities.

It is ironic how finding something special and equally relaxing has gotten to be more allusive back in the States. Whereas sometimes I am homesick for certain comforts where I grew up in Ohio, where I attended college and where I now live in DC, I am often more easily distracted by the picturesque landscapes and breathtaking sights like Colca Canyon. I am more ready for the easy access to sandy beaches, savory foods and dancing. Even more, I am not surprised to get this satiation at a fraction of the cost. I do not readily expect the same when I try a new state-side spot.

In another instance, I was so busy adjusting to my new position at my last in-office job (only side-freelancing at the time) that I let the IHVQ organization choose my accommodations in Puerto Rico. I had wanted to do something in relation to Hurricane Maria for some time and once I got all my requirements in, IVHQ offered some discounted accommodations. Relief. I didnā€™t have to exhaust myself in a detailed search this time. Immediately not lost on me was the beach just up the street. Restaurants spanned the block and there was a chance to enjoy coincidental events and island activities.

True enough, I have not always ended up in simply enjoyable spots or the safest areas. My accommodation were in a nice location, however, and I knew a beach within walking distance would have hit my wallet so much more back home on vacation and/or in touristy/getaway destinations.

Guayaquil, Ecuadorā€™s Ā boardwalk was also easily accessible and lined with restaurants leading to a cool museum while facing a breathtaking view of the Guayas River. I walked along the boardwalk to the amusement park area and to the artsy cultural neighborhoods of Las PeƱas. I wandered down to the market and Iguana Park, where the animals roam freely, sheltered in their selected spot.

It is also duly noted that higher price can complement luxury and I have enjoyed such venues mostly due to my previous work. Ā Still, I am struck how much the scenic routes and the vibe of community and serenity can also be so much less. The views, the food, the weather, the water, the people relaxing, playing. Trading in my fast-paced schedule for a co-touristy and local vibe is an unexpected part of the exchange rate. Paradise can be less. Some parts are free.

How About Us

May 31, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

How much of our outlook is adapted to outside influences? When we are competent at our jobs, and skillful at our passions, how much do we enjoy or appreciate it based on ourselves? Based on the outlook and acceptance of others? When do we appreciate praise yet know for ourselves that we can celebrate ourselves too?

This is a reminder for those people who, like me, enjoy a compliment, enjoy an achievement or a unique trait or hobby about themselves but pretty quickly think about how relatable we are to others. Naturally, we need community and acceptance, but I am sure we have been notably shaped by those first and repeated times when we were faced with disapproval. Getting messages and implications in our everyday encounters and beyond did not help us feel forever comfortable in our skin and certainly not with our interests.

I know we have all had chapters, perhaps in different surroundings and with different groups of core people with whom to socialize. What I think about mostly now is how even when our environments change, even when conversations change, and we move in and out of social circles (sometimes quite literally), we have to remember ourselves.

Seeing how the outside changes, (you may feel this too), I sometimes see myself give a little more importance to how I am perceived rather than what I still really enjoy about my personality and my attributes. We have to remember ourselves and like I noted in That Nothing is Better Than Something, we have to be aware of what we really want. Checking in is reaffirming and a true piece to how I am better achieving my goals.

The gloomy days can go ahead and come, but I rebound a lot better when I know more about what I like, what I want and what my real personality is, including the ā€œweirdnessā€.

Ironically, the more comfortable I am with expressing my interests or being okay with just being quiet taking in other peopleā€™s experiences and how they express themselves, I meet so many more kindred spirits.

I sometimes forget to stop and appreciate a lot of how unique I am while I can appreciate other peopleā€™s tastes, forgetting those hairstyles I created, that joke I landed, those awkward mistakes I madeā€¦ Ā Maybe you also more easily recognize in others what you may dismiss in yourself.

Nice how much they know about that sport or gameā€¦, how interestingly he sings, dancesā€¦ tells a storyā€¦ That person is good at taking notes. This person finds the cutest matching clashing outfits. Of course, the list goes on, intricate as we are.

As I walk that a step further, I know the importance of remembering how good we are and how flexible we can be as people. We can do more. We do not have to settle on one preference or another. We can be good or attempt to become good at something. We can live our lives and we are definitely okay to simply celebrate how unique we are.

Buy Me a Hot Chocolate