Category: travel

Being Digital. Being Nomad.

August 31, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

The ups and downs. I think my sanity has been saved by no longer having to report to my second to last boss. I realized part of the struggle was not just proving myself to her, but increasingly more apparent, proving myself to me.

I realized, after several years, at a few different jobs, that attaining 100% on a performance review was designed to never be attainable. The deeper problem with such a scenario is how many people can either get buried while unsuccessfully trying to get there or ultimately just feel defeated. I am sure there is a healthier way to look at this as well as a healthier work environment where this is not a thing. Unfortunately, the luck of us landing in a healthy environment with good management may not be as attainable as matching our geography with our skills and who decides to hire us for the right amount of money? Also, will that end up matching our passions?

My second to last boss was daunting, and perhaps me having more credentials than her played a part in her reminding me/reminding us that she was on some imaginary upper level rather than our equal level. Then… she increasingly toyed with and finally crossed the lines of bigotry from the time I worked for her from 2015 through 2019, and even after I changed departments in my final year at the company in 2020, I felt the target on me. In the moments I instinctively countered her, I awaited the revenge *whether it be from the COO we both reported to or from her directly.

The fight I had in me to remember my credentials and all the praise I got from the members and customers we helped was really a fight to remember that I was good enough and not always just as good as the last thing I did. Some good coworkers also really encouraged me through those days. We found it mutually necessary.

There was a struggle to remember all the hard work I put in as well, because as usual, sometimes life gets in the way  (we do not just have work to contend with but a whole array of items we need to survive and be a happy healthy person). Life plays out differently at different times. Look at any one of us and each person’s insecurities and vulnerabilities present uniquely and again vary depending on the moment.

So there I was with her and that structure and here I am without it. Being digital and being nomad has saved me from aging ungracefully (lol) and I have likewise been saved from feeling indescribably perpetually less than her or others.  I also see myself as more capable than I knew. I forget. Life reminds me. I see how okay we should be at owning our accomplishments.

Thinking of the boss even back then, I found it better not to carry a grudge, because I noticed that anger blinded me more than acknowledging the concurring sadness and hurt I felt at being disregarded and dejected. It is easier and more stereotypical to be deemed an angry person (that made it somehow easier for her to double down) than it was to give me the raw despondent feelings of being human and heartbroken at poor treatment.

I remember a guy once ghosting me and reappearing to the tune of a text and email that simply stated: “How mad are you at me?” Within those moments, I realized it was easier for him to face an angry caricature of me than the true person he had disappointed. “…mad…?” How about “How sad and/or disappointed are you?”

There seems to be a lot more I know about myself. There also seems to be so much more I could uncover. Being nomadic, I am possibly learning more about all of life than I ever thought I would.

The Grass Being Green

July 30, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

Simply Green. We could spend a lifetime imagining that the way someone else is doing their life is better than ours or just imagining this person is so lucky and blessed to be with this partner or to have so much of some material items. Of course, the coveted life we imagine is infinitely amazing, because we cannot really feel what they are living. What are they actually going through and what are they longing for? 

What I Want to Share: As I am having more gratitude for different layers to my life like the ability to travel while working, I am reminding myself not to think about not making as much money as before. I can make enough money and more depending on my translation work and side hustles.

I can be grateful that I have close friends and family who support my ideas and support my decisions while I can remind myself not to be hard on myself for the negative judgments aimed at me from some others. I can remind myself to remain as accepting as I am of all people, despite being sometimes rejected.

I can be happy with my achievements while I can remind myself that I am learning what I need to learn when life ultimately reveals my lessons to me. I can remind myself not to feel discouraged about not getting to this part of my path as soon as I think I would have liked. I can be pleased to be in the spaces especially forged for me.

78 Dance Partners

July 29, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

I was looking for live music. I was looking for DJs. I was looking for the occasional cocktail but mostly I was panning out for camaraderie and a chance to continue dancing.  Another part of the life plan decided: Dancing will continue to be my natural high, my ready escape and relaxed synchronicity between my mind, attitude and body.

Navigating my way back through Peru tells me what I need for a healthy life, or I guess, rather for a considerably healthier life. As noted here, I have reintroduced one element which comes through dancing. I really got to feel into this during college. Sometimes, I forget because of circumstances. I was last in DC before starting to travel again and there were times when everything added up: Right places, right music, right price and willing friends.

The combination was not as easy as it had been during university which seemed readily conducive to more divey bars/clubs and or upscale-like venues and dancing events. Still, there was definitely a time, in the middle of my DC life when a group of us were frequenting one neighborhood or another like U Street or Dupont Circle. I was in my element. Later on unfortunately, this was not so much. I could understand why. A lot of schedules, logistics and motivation (in which others additionally feel self-conscious while dancing) were present.

Then, coinciding with my first trip to Pisco, Peru, I unexpectedly found myself in the company of many people locally and from various countries who I would accompany to discos and bars on nights and weekends. Music and dance also permeated our volunteer home/headquarters.

As I started my third time back in Peru, I was not so sure about getting to enjoy music and connect with people. This time, I had picked up travel again in San Juan and then spent some time in Mexico. Notably, Puerto Rico was very satiating since there is a big dance scene, but I did not get this immediate fulfillment when I moved on to Merida, Mexico (though I love this place). Coincidentally, I had not danced much in Mexico, my time more so playing out with friends in places without ideal dance floors or music. (I like a variety but hanging out plus dancing was not coming to me).

Then, these last two weeks happened, and it was a mirror of my co-volunteer time back in Pisco and Cusco, but this time as a digital nomad trying out a much different lifestyle. Splitting my time between hostels, hotels and Airbnb apartments in various Peruvian neighborhoods played a good part. Getting time to regroup and switch up neighborhoods and go back to community in hostels helped me connect with more travelers and residents.

Having a bar upstairs in a hostel is particularly helpful. I met a few people from Peru along with a Colombian doctor. Though I have connected with various people while walking around and hanging out, considerable time would pass without me finding people who in addition to the fun treks and sight-seeing, also wanted to relax with music and dancing. This second to last hostel was one answer. Some people naturally have a way of making me feel at home: In addition to these four local people, I clicked with an Italian traveler and her friends, leading us to another ideal club, where we could dance with each other and others from Peru. The scene reminded me that I had also connected with an American guy and Venezuelan expats similarly, about a month prior to this.

Once I started college and imitated the dance moves I saw in pop culture and improvised with my own, I recalled how I had likewise done so in my childhood. During those previously shy phases, I would simply dance alone in my room, in our basement or when I was home alone.

There seems to be some added meditative element. There also seems to be a release like a sigh of relief and joy complementing the expression. My dancing inhibitions also come and go. I can very much understand motivation being based on mood and other elements. My wavering confidence has the potential to reappear.

What strikes me now is appreciation for my recent dance partners. There is also cause to appreciate all the partners that came before whether we were in a club, home, dorm room, restaurant, open space outside, etc. I am more pleased now to think back over a lifetime of so many meeting of the minds under good beats, soothing rhythms, shared smiles and connections in a multitude of glances.

Chances

June 20, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

Safe travels. Risky travels. They go beyond the hikes, treks, finances and living outside of my home country, away from some creature comforts and to what I am accustomed.

There is more. There is the extension of social risks as well as psychological and emotional vulnerability connecting with people, being accepted and being culturally cognizant. Also notable is the overarching need to be accepting of myself – ourselves. 

Travel seems to naturally set the tone for possibilities and the result is both scary and fascinating. When I travel, I am reminded how much I can experiment and now I am acclimating between tourist, (former volunteer), and resident, while also working.

Therefore, I find myself out here as quite readily the walking contradiction – a people-person who enjoys being introverted, enjoys hanging out with other travelers and local people while also solo traveling. 

I knew I wanted to get back to this. I am welcoming change, taking the more social and personal risks, while also understanding I need my introversion and comfort. Touring plus working plus grocery shopping is more my new normal. 

In the vulnerability, there is also the promise of greater confidence and a healthy mindset, and in my case, substantial healing.

As I shift to find my best balance, some days are more innate, and I easily get lost in the experience of all my surroundings and connecting with others. On other days, no matter how much I am a patron, dining and enjoying or maybe just feeling awkward and doing similar, I still have that feeling of how it would play out nicely with another person or a few people, (as it has). Interestingly, this also makes me realize how much I appreciate my solo time exploring as well. As I noted in How To Go, being willing to experiment with and without people adds to my choices. I could not say then or now that I would or will always feel encouraged, but just ever aware that I am free and capable to try a lot more.

Imagined This

June 18, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

Surprising clarity about my preference for living in Peru strikes me repeatedly. It hits in different ways. Beginning as a feeling of belonging when I first stayed for months in parts of 2010 and 2011, staying with me when I returned to the US, played with when I revisited in 2019 and here again as I experience the main city instead of the others I was in before.

I could live elsewhere, yet the current decision has seemed to narrow down to choosing between Lima and Cusco. I picture myself enjoying both long-term. The key may mean trying both again, but this time, just as a digital nomad rather than a volunteer. 

I was trying to consider Mexico. I enjoyed Merida, but perhaps more to visit. I enjoyed Oaxaca, yet my mindset was very much wrapped around touring and relaxing there. I was momentarily considering relocating to other Mexican cities (not Guadalajara) as well, but being back in Peru has reiterated my initial desires of living here. 

With further thought: This also does not have to be final, but very possibly some part of my final choices (living in 1 or more countries, including the US).

I am reminded I can change my mind. I can also still try what I am drawn to, what I was dreaming of, mark one experience off the list, fine tune this one or the next one, or set it aside altogether.

Experimenting brings some fear but less daunting vibes, knowing I have been here before and even what I have not done is just a compass for what to try.

Traveling Gratitude

May 31, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

Since Guadalajara was tepid to cold, I appreciate having Merida before and Oaxaca after, all the much more.

There is the possibility I had situated myself in the wrong Guadalajaran neighborhood in a mismatched hostel. There is the possibility I was there at the wrong time with standoffish co-guests and staff. They seemed friendlier to one another. Fortunately, I had not experienced such a feeling before nor have I experienced similar, following this one, save a few people who don’t click or clash within the transient groups.

There were the intermittent nice people in the city, but the overall feeling of being in the way, while doing what anyone else was doing, seemed to be a running theme. I had to suddenly realize how my usual experience abroad had spoiled me with kindness, warmth, and excitement. Other places were not without awkward or tense times. Those times were just so far from the norm.

Nice encounters could certainly be nice throughout my visit to Guadalajara, but I still missed some typical courtesies, which I extend as well in my interactions. I am glad Oaxaca reiterated my good and even flattering experiences in Mexico and that Peru is cementing my affection and joy of continuing my travels.

Was this Guadalajara or the city-particular reception to me or just a coincidence to the spaces in which I found myself. Maybe? There were moments I even felt like some of the truly kind people looked somewhat concerned or particularly attentive to me.

I acknowledged my excited expectations had finally waned and coupling my accommodations with a final hotel stay gave me some needed reprieve, for I could hibernate for a day, doing what I wanted to do indoors plus the staff was friendly. I picked up my personal city walk a day later. I opted out of the Tlaquepaque and the Tequila train tour to put money towards my next good times. I am open to doing both later.

I was momentarily concerned that my own energy would shift into a single bitterness. I am eternally grateful for Merida, Oaxaca, and Lima currently. (I may revisit Cusco and the Ica region of Peru again soon).

I do not want to judge or accept only one 7-day stay as my final impression of Guadalajara so I will leave this here and enjoy the time I have traveling now, while continuing to be thankful for all I have been able to do, including the tough lessons learned along with the beauty of the places and the pleasant people who continue to dwell there. 

Intermission

April 29, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

I went on to Guadalajara instead of Oaxaca first and now I can’t tell if I am seeing Guadalajara through the opposite of rose-colored glasses because I had so many immediate visions of what it would be like to be in Oaxaca seeing as it has been described as such a mecca of brilliant cuisine and artistry. There was this in addition to seeing the reminiscent expressions or longing looks on people’s faces when I mentioned I wanted to go there after Merida. Oaxaca will be third now. I think.

I am interested in Guadalajara as well, but I am not as in touch with what I might like to explore. I have some general ideas. Nothing written in stone. I just arrived yesterday from my layover administrative trip to Houston which also gave me something extra to wonder about, like why did that feel like another type of needed vacation in addition to the week in which my computers were out of commission in Merida.  No computers meant I could actually just focus on hanging out with people, sight seeing, leisure time and my self-reflections there. Houston was a different break.

I have to stop here for a bit reluctantly, only because my computer issues persist and I want to be able to freely share a lot more details. I will add another post tomorrow and following another electronics purchase, I will add to these blogs. Thank you for bearing with me and sticking with me. I always look forward to sharing with you.

Accommodation me

March 31, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

In my last post, I wrote about a lot of random incidences, circumstances in which I had to work around. So…

I checked into a boutique hotel for the day.

There was enough of dealing with mulling things over in my head for the moment.

I knew I needed the break from thinking and a taste of more luxury than a lot of Airbnbs could offer me. I also needed a break from some truly nice hostels. The mental break was needed and it is not the first time I have decided to do so. That is all I have to say about that. . .

. . . well except it was a mini vacation from too much regular work and a vacation from the work of life

Also, this was a ready reminder of the particular kinds of things I may need, (which perhaps could be a lot of what we all need). My needs include regrouping and revisiting my thoughts. At times, I require a particular kind of rest, focus, stillness, reorganizing, only talking to people who make me feel supported and vice versa and the potential to earn a living at a nicer less-demanding pace.

Being in a private AirBnB for a couple of weeks currently is what I need and have now.

Hostels have been a great budget-friendly choice for me as well. They typically have a built-in friendly community and activity vibe but are not always the most conducive to completing projects are growing side gigs.

Each accommodation type seems to showcase a variety of perks and limitations, depending on one’s needs and preferences and so far I have found I can be uplifted or face obstacles in each. I do not like to be too alone but sometimes I really need some space.

I like saving money but I also don’t mind the elements of luxury. It probably speaks well to my nomadic movement and of course has a lot to do with how well I project my budget and advocate for my owed compensation. Finally, a lot just informs me of my own blueprint and perhaps how I can inform others with their decisions.

Behind and all around me is the map of my supposed preferences and completely before me are the unwritten encounters that will shape me.

Today, We Leap

February 29, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

I like how rare this is. We only get one leap day every four years, and I am reminded I have reignited the plunge I sparked in 2010. I am reminded I have the capacity to do what is unique and strange again. Like many friends (bus, train and flight-bound), I have been nervous along the way but as I noted: My expectations and inspiration far outweigh any doubt I easily identify as a potential obstacle growing into regret.

Everyday, I am reminded I am different in a country not my own. In the country that was my own, the difference began to meet rejection early on. Fair moments, revelations and acceptance could do their work, yet fall short of those experiences which shape our formative years.

Now abroad in Mexico, somehow, the difference seems more welcome, reminding me of affectionate conversations and quality time I had during Pisco Sin Fronteras (Pisco Without Borders). Looking very different from the other Westerners that went to Peru to volunteer then, I wanted to be a part of improving infrastructure after a natural disaster and be someone who shared experiences with people who worked along with us and could face the same judgments I could.

As I wrote of a new life that is healing to me, I sometimes feel like a casual liaison between home and new international places who can be friendly and say a lot or not much at all. I get to be a person who is free, friendly, pensive, outgoing and reserved.

I am consistently aware of how different I am. Only this time, the difference isn’t as daunting as having to be in a space where I could be instantly judged poorly on any micro or macro level or feel expected to represent a variety of people despite my own independent ideas and presence.

This time, being as different as I naturally am feels welcomed abroad by local people, new residents and other visitors like me. Affection and innocent curiosity is exchanged for the microscope (though this can still appear). The boxes to be fitted in don’t remain so close as they used to be. Many of us have already chosen something so left of the norm. Abnormal becomes the usual.

I know there is no perfection. I know both being welcomed and unwelcomed exist in all our spaces, but there is such a stark contrast between first worrying I could easily not find homes away from my native home yet managing to stumble upon comfort again and again.

Unplan

February 28, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Today was an unplanned continuation of my birthday (February 27th). It was not even meant for my birthday but truly could have been because of the celebration of my new life and our lives overall. Whereas I spent last night with my good friend, today, we, together spent the majority of today with 5 more like-minded individuals. How it all happened that we traveled here to Merida solo, with past and future stories of continuing travels and all met eventually today in one spot near the Art gallery exhibition for Afro/African American Cuban Art and stumbled upon an eclectic coffee shop, ordering beverages and chatting some more, parting ways respectively to meet again and visited our very familiar Cuban restaurant with a resident artist and lastly ended at a Vegan restaurant that has improved even more since I got here in December. How it happened. That is just life. Knowing some of the ladies for a while from here, meeting perfect strangers and instantly connecting and shaking off the stresses that came from everyday work in the States. That is just life.

I am still working but more fulfilled. I am pleased I made it here before my birthday, knowing I could have done little or next to nothing and still felt the joy of getting to this sanctuary in which I am readily reminded that I am already in one of my vacation spots when I get done with each project.

Tomorrow = more work. Tomorrow also = rest, rejuvenation and possibly more exploration. Tomorrow may also just =  way more ease in being still, surrounded by art and history and performance, events both seemingly random and anticipated. Tomorrow quite possibly just means more of finding out what makes me comfortable in everyday surroundings and unexpected excitement.