September 30, 2025 by Cassandra Johnson
Tossing around stories with friends for Happy Hour or during dinner following all too familiar office politics, I kept an optimism that maybe countered the arbitrary criticisms leveled from my boss. Maybe the natural optimism came from a young lifetime of hoping and daydreaming.
I always felt like there was more to everything, so much more to come. Maybe all the books and novels in my arsenal did that too. After the fairytales, into the stories, through the essays and falling out of the plays, there was some underlying promise of relief, release. Good times. Deep laughs. Good meals. A dive into all that my senses could soak up was my trained escape from a heavy day. A lot of goodness could be outlined by the security and fun I had in a childhood of fun with siblings and a family I could trust with my quirkiness and true thoughts. My already fantasizing mind was filled with optimism to counter my criticisms. My backdrop of support, affection and progress stood up to bad experiences and mistreatment.
This was the norm I became increasingly aware of when I embarked on my own, from large campus and graduate from The Ohio State University to eventual work life in DC . I was pretty excited about both. Work became increasingly less exciting, however. I know there is something more.
Turns out a lot of work holds space for office politics and underpayment. I saw this come about even if it was not already present and it didn’t seem to be so bad. It hurt my boss’s mind that I could be discredited and only be temporarily discouraged and angry. I knew that my progress and sustainability really was based on the need to be okay and the hope that my good times would visit me again and again. My dreams had shown themselves to be kind to my reality, so I swallowed a lot of the work stress.
Even just letting the workday wash away from me in my apartment after work or at the gym was a lot to start to let go. Eventually, I wanted more. I needed more freedom while I also worked on doing something meaningful.
Stretching out on the sofa or cuddling into my armchair, eating my favorite meals, I got to relax maybe just for the evening or for two whole days before Sunday dread and Monday morning. Everyone at work looked forward to Friday, a telling tale of this not being the ideal environment or way we would prefer to spend our time, although there were varying levels of getting into the activities of the job. I would not mind and enjoy some parts, while dreading other aspects of my work. Is it just natural?
I could no longer do it. I needed to go away for a while, maybe forever and I found myself back in San Juan, then Mexico, Peru, Colombia, Ecuador, Guatemala and Panama City. I needed to take these trips again, away from the toxic work environment, working on my own to get back to myself and not fighting through infringing work ideas but rather more of me, getting to know me and focus on me, being independent, working on my own, being my daydream.