Category: volunteer travel

Today, We Leap

February 29, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

I like how rare this is. We only get one leap day every four years, and I am reminded I have reignited the plunge I sparked in 2010. I am reminded I have the capacity to do what is unique and strange again. Like many friends (bus, train and flight-bound), I have been nervous along the way but as I noted: My expectations and inspiration far outweigh any doubt I easily identify as a potential obstacle growing into regret.

Everyday, I am reminded I am different in a country not my own. In the country that was my own, the difference began to meet rejection early on. Fair moments, revelations and acceptance could do their work, yet fall short of those experiences which shape our formative years.

Now abroad in Mexico, somehow, the difference seems more welcome, reminding me of affectionate conversations and quality time I had during Pisco Sin Fronteras (Pisco Without Borders). Looking very different from the other Westerners that went to Peru to volunteer then, I wanted to be a part of improving infrastructure after a natural disaster and be someone who shared experiences with people who worked along with us and could face the same judgments I could.

As I wrote of a new life that is healing to me, I sometimes feel like a casual liaison between home and new international places who can be friendly and say a lot or not much at all. I get to be a person who is free, friendly, pensive, outgoing and reserved.

I am consistently aware of how different I am. Only this time, the difference isn’t as daunting as having to be in a space where I could be instantly judged poorly on any micro or macro level or feel expected to represent a variety of people despite my own independent ideas and presence.

This time, being as different as I naturally am feels welcomed abroad by local people, new residents and other visitors like me. Affection and innocent curiosity is exchanged for the microscope (though this can still appear). The boxes to be fitted in don’t remain so close as they used to be. Many of us have already chosen something so left of the norm. Abnormal becomes the usual.

I know there is no perfection. I know both being welcomed and unwelcomed exist in all our spaces, but there is such a stark contrast between first worrying I could easily not find homes away from my native home yet managing to stumble upon comfort again and again.

Living meta

January 31, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Status: Translating Mexican documents and currently in Mexico (next trip, leaving Merida, Mexico for Oaxaca, Mexico) and noting that the next document to be translated is from Oaxaca.

It’s hard not to feel I am where I should be when past experiences and fantasizing about seeing more of the world are now mixing again. Still I can’t say it’s all fun and games, being the life I want it to be is definitely still to come between working nomadically and feeling comfortable and secure all the time. It ebbs and flows. I note the current reality as a beautiful struggle.

So, I wanted to be a freelance translator when I took up traveling again. I had traveled with my non-profit job and had a hard time forgetting I needed to be back and what still needed to be done once I did get back. Though I had fun, those thoughts lingered. This time is different. I don’t have to be back and sometimes I worry that I have to come back. Sometimes, I miss not being back.

For now, I am liking my changing schedule. Not so random days can include lunch with a one-day roomie from France in which speaking the language we have most in common is Spanish, having lunch in a restaurant with larger than life pictures of Gandhi and Amy Winehouse, stopping into the University of Yucateca in Merida and eating green curry Asian and European food with a Mexican spin while listening to US/British American rock and pop like “Maniac”. Yet, this is still nothing to say of what the current city is most notable for including the cenotes, Mayan ruins, Mayan traditions, colonial influences and Yucatecan food. Taking everything in is magnificent and occasionally a feat.

Recall the adventure book where “you choose” the ending as you go if you will. My less than dramatic version means: I take a break here, hit up a museum there, have lunch with friends, hit up a bar, go to Cantina Negrita, go to Tropico to watch Karaoke and have the best margaritas I have ever tasted, go to the nicest most economical Cuban restaurant (La Cubanita) in the area and lavish a bit more on an establishment here in there on the street, Paseo de Montejo. Still, there are shows all weekend, festivals, events, an abundance of pets and strays in a dog and cat friendly city complementing a focus on biking, roller blading, skateboarding, abundant park spaces, and working and studying friendly people all around. Where I am still fitting in is through working, touring, relaxing, stressing, luxuriating and appreciating. That is all for me and that is everything.

Am I? On Vacation?

January 30, 2024 by Cassandra Johnson

My thoughts in mid-December: “This feels really good”.

Christmas had proven easy. I had the best taste of family time ever when my brother and friend came to visit in December. They arrived right before the holiday and there was a true sense of mainland USA arriving from back home during my time in Puerto Rico. Life with them was fun, nice and complete, so much so that I knew I was also mentally ready to move on to Mexico.

I had been excited about going but was feeling really sentimental and accustomed to San Juan, Puerto Rico, and not so resource ready for my next move. With them there and more resources, I felt a little more settled.

I was finally getting back into traveling. I didn’t think it would be so long following 2019 and it just seemed even more right to start back up in the same place again. I had revisited Pisco, Peru not too long before that and Guayaquil, Ecuador leading up to that. Still, this was a bit too long for my taste. A lot was also based on the need to request vacation time from my former employers.

Now that I tend to majorly get contract work through an agency, I realized that come Christmas, I was pleased not to have assignments given to me on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day and in turn realized I enjoyed the prospect more than working through the holidays as I had done previously. It was just okay for those times I was not on the road and in the air visiting family and traveling. Sometimes I easily convince myself something which is not so bad is welcome or a minor inconvenience,  but these days I am learning to be even more real with myself.

Following my everyday decisions and deciding regularly how to spend my travel days encourages me to choose what really fits me and let go of what I actually no longer want to deal with or at least how I can work on changing things like working through weekends or holidays. Those breaks are a nice reset.

Showing my brother and friend how some of the different neighborhoods connected, showing them my favorite spots and spending time chatting and hanging out in the main excursion areas, attraction areas and restaurants/bars put the period I felt I needed to the end of my stay in San Juan. As much as I enjoyed the connections I made, there was an added comfort to having family and long-time friends around that I had been missing since I left for the island. Mexico would prove to be the next place.  I assumed there I could get about to making more permanent plans (continues tomorrow)

Out there

October 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

I actually found a to-do list that is nearly finished. Granted, this particular one (I have many) only had about 3 things on it. Still. 😊 Some semblance to progress.

Over this past month, as one closet seemed empty and a bit neater, one room became more jumbled. Yet, progress can sometimes appear a bit messy and not exactly how you would envision it. My intentions and actions began with some type of order but not much could stay neatly in place as the more I reviewed items and the more I had to dismantle furniture and areas of my place, the process took on a life of its own, depending on my job work load, other commitments, desires and people’s responses to what I was selling and giving away. To get to the point I am in now, I could control the overarching momentum of this move but not everything. Both sides of that led to my liberation. Still, I also made sure I had my very necessary social time with friends and family. I leaned into the peace and laughter they give me.

Still, I am a bit surprised at myself as I walk around my soon to be former apartment now starting to echo but I won’t stop being anxious until my nomadic plan starts to seem real again, not until I’m in that flying seat to San Juan, Puerto Rico, with only virtual matters in my head, like online banking and my new Traveling Mailbox.

It’s comforting to think of the freedom of not being tied to this particular spot, yet I will have some very small storage I expect to downsize and eliminate in the coming year or two. I’m thankful I finally found a guy with reasonable pricing and a very strong physique to help me with this last part of lifting these items and doing it ever so quickly. I will remember that he made the last few days of my time here ones with more ease. I take it as a sign of people reminding me I’m worth this and how much community is necessary.

I really am grateful for a lot. I appreciate how there are people who like my offers and there are people who didn’t break my bank (like the gentleman above) and who were genuinely enthusiastic about working with me.

My hiccups have been ever present so knowing I could overcome some has fueled my energy. Other moments, I imagined giving up or perhaps just giving in and trying another route I do not actually think I want.

I like the sense of knowing a lot of this is directed by me already. Sure. I want to relinquish the plan-making to someone else now and then, but there is also a lot of encouragement in knowing my whims could lead to very real dreams. We will see.

Why We Follow

September 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Those Aspirations. I see why we cannot secretly let them go. I see why, if we seemingly talk ourselves out of them (not naturally just changing them), we can’t always forget.

I felt some weight lift off my shoulders yesterday as I imagined visiting new places again while submitting my 30-day notice. I gradually became less tied to how this could also be perceived. I took a little break from the warnings to be careful in “strange” places and talking me out of going.

This may just look different. Though it does feel good, admittedly I also feel odd and also know I can again intermittingly get tied to those perceptions above. Unwittingly.

It may look like giving up stability. Honestly, it is giving up one kind. On the other hand…

I also see being a digital nomad as having a lot more potential freedom and choices to explore before deciding on what stability means again.

That weight off my shoulder was just one benefit. I could also sense the physical and emotional wellbeing of letting go of the stress that comes with maintaining a lifestyle in this cosmopolitan area (though I loved this area!) Having more time with friends and family is more necessary and welcome to my wellbeing now.

I felt less rancor creeping in at what I could be missing by working harder and longer and only playing part of the time.

My energy feels better directed, not just aimed at meeting goals that are no longer right for me.

Each timeframe is different.

I feel a growing grace and empathy, knowing how scared many of us can be, at any stage, to give up what we know for things not promised. However, we have come this far because of our capabilities. We have proof more is possible.

We have permission to get information wrong and view missteps and unforeseen circumstances as the chance to redirect.

We have permission not to have all the answers. We have room to commend ourselves. We can tread carefully, take our time, or take a leap. We each get to seek out the goals best for us, increasingly reminded to also give ourselves peace.

made me do it

September 27, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Finding a home for my Cuban cigars was one thing. Giving away 1 end table out of 2 was another. Securing my virtual mailbox was just completed this morning and giving away my beloved bookcase is in progress.

There is still so much but spaces are clearing. My hope is growing and so is my uncertainty. I hope for the best but naturally I can’t squash the fear. I can fantasize about what is on the other side of picking up and traveling again but I can also feel my nerves taking over from time to time. The fear, the anxiety and the excitement have to live together for now. It’s helpful to know people are doing it and it’s being done all the time. Still, wish me luck and thanks for always cheering me on.

Now that I have started, I can’t stop.

I started in August this year. Likewise, I started back in 2010, played with some getaway moments. I dived in during the past but had more of a safety net to dive back into (but I do have to remind myself I was extremely nervous then as well). I have to remember how now that I have experienced it, I have a better picture of how to navigate new surroundings, happily. Yet, I also know how uncomfortable life can be when one is just getting their footing. Additionally, we know there can be some issues. There can be moments we don’t particularly care for and ones we absolutely dislike.

Sentimentality too. I really like DC (a reminder that this was another part of my fantasy life realized).  Hearing the musician on the metro platform last night particularly made me pre-nostalgic for my second home. I will miss that. I will miss a lot but as they say, you don’t know what you don’t know. There is even more to experience. I never could have imagined how much I would have fell for the landscape and culture of Peru, much like I fell for the nuances of DC. I can only imagine what a place looks to be like. How a space makes you feel is a whole other matter.

Like my previous somewhat dares, I am again more excited about the prospects than fearful of what I can’t even imagine discovering.

Now, I have started, I can’t stop. I can’t imagine.

August

August 31, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

2006 to 2023. Have I been here a little longer than I expected? I suspect I am just surprised how much time has passed. I was open to different professional and personal outcomes, but I see most experiences lead me back to the same clarity.

August 1st: I completely accepted that I am again ready for another setting, more interested in connecting with friends and family more often.

Similar to yesterday’s reflection, I am fairly set on how much I am just going to look forward to visiting here.

August 4th: Downsizing proves to be just as much effort as I have been forewarned about. Naturally I did not want to see this as daunting for my own wellbeing. Couldn’t this just be extra busy work? Couldn’t this still be seamless?No. Not at all. I also need a lot of other aspects to fall into place like the availability of people and their interests in acquiring more stuff along with me having the time to deal with all such circumstances. Also factor in unexpected events like today’s impromptu dental appointment😊 (Enter August 31st).

August 12th: Feeling reality. I’m feeling confident and uncertain. These two exist together, somehow. I dismantle some furniture and clean out my end tables. I go through old mementos. I remove unnecessary items from my bookcase. With so many details, I push my trip back (admittedly with some procrastinating comfort). I can’t push back my desires. This could get messy. This is also okay.

The month flies like so many with me determined not to forget my everyday demands.

August 26th – DC United Soccer – My good friend and I spend the evening at the home game and hanging out. Perfect timing for a nice outing. There was the thought of how long ago it had been since we watched the game in person, so much so, we were just now getting to enjoy the new Stadium. I was reminded of my younger more impressionable years when I first arrived here. I was reminded of the now defunct stadium we once cheered in.

Everything was welcome in its own time.

August.

The challenges remain.

The goals do too.

Pending

August 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

This city (district) doesn’t exactly feel like mine anymore. I was imagining a near future in which I would now be a temporary visitor here. I was imagining myself as a tourist who knows all the ins and outs of this place. I would still navigate it comfortably.

I have lived here since 2006.

Different times, different occupations, different favorite spots. Now some of those favorite spots are closed. A lot of really nice places have remained. I don’t imagine the museums and galleries ever disappearing, just changing somehow.

I know this place well. Another home.

I worked in neighboring Virginia during my initial years here while living in adjacent Maryland, enjoying the MV of the DMV, but of course always hanging in DC and spending most of my last years living here. I have been fascinated with DC neighborhoods like Dupont Circle, Georgetown, U Street, Le Droit Park, Gallery Place, Farragut North, all of downtown and some more and it is funny how various subchapters have unfolded where I ended up spending part of certain years or several months frequenting the same spots. How interesting it is to be drawn to certain venues and paths making the way back to various apartments or hanging out with friends in intriguing or simply cozy destinations.

Of course, there is always the monumental backdrop. There is always what naturally draws tourism like the Reflecting Pool, like Abraham Lincoln’s statue towering even though his position is seated surrounded by his most notable speeches and quotes. There are those cherry blossoms refusing to simply stay put in the Tidal Basin and therefore sprinkling themselves into everyday corners and neighborhoods yet remaining most breathtaking and full at their base.

Experiences: Happy Hours. Giggling over dinner. Failed romantic dates. Unforgettable kisses. Random lines. Overpriced brunches. Surprisingly underpriced happy hours. Favorite dance clubs. Crowded bars. Some random fun. Convenient subway/metros and early-to-late buses. A district/city so ready for the influx of Uber and Lyft. Green spaces amongst the buildings so conducive to outdoor events like the World Cup on the Jumbotron, Screen on the Green, 2008 Inauguration, Embassy Open House weekend and free cultural festivals. Sooo many free museums.

Certainly, D.C. I will miss you. So, maybe I am stalling for an additional reason other than simultaneously attempting to sell, give away and discard my things. Amidst excitement, this place has left me with a familiar bittersweet feeling in my admitted propensity towards sensitivity (both good and bad). I want to stay and at the same time, I am insatiably excited to leave. It has to be stated. You were very much a part of my growth as much as OHIO and the international stops here and there. You always will be.

So while it will be different not settling back in here again, I can lean into my own reflection of Ours to Claim. I am now more excited to more readily see friends and family in my new mobile life, fortunate DC was a vision I also came to see.

Not That

July 31, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Realizing we are not simply what we do is eye opening.

We often can be expected to show “what we bring to the table” for work and when partnering up in romance.

From another perspective, we may not realize how we can better and more naturally be characterized by our passions, disposition, temperament, how we treat others and how we treat ourselves.

Achievement and attainment do not completely tell the story about who we are and how not to succumb to feeling like we cannot do or be enough.

Naturally showing up at the table: This can be a different side of my crumbs observance. There is a danger of being overly demanding of ourselves, overly evaluating outside objects and objectives. Marketing preys on that, asking or telling us what we are supposedly lacking, and how we can be filled up with what is being offered. Of course, items and experiences can add value to life and meet our needs and wishes. Achievement can add ease and innumerable benefits to our own lives and others. Getting there is just not the everything it can present itself to be. You begin as everything and expand from there.

We naturally influence others by our personality, passions, concerns, doing or nothing-doing and they influence us.

I credit the vaycarian group I follow for highlighting this for me too, reminding me of tiny whispers I had heard of this before. Achievements are not what makes you worthy nor exactly what can make you valuable to other people. Reaching objectives is noteworthy. Going towards them in the way you do is inspiring. Still, your life can prove influential no matter what. All the good intentions, hopes and attempts are exemplary.

Achievements can be tools for more service and fulfilment for us and others. They do not subtract from our inherent value when we are not fulfilling or have not fulfilled them.

I would be lying to myself to imagine how giving up goals is a complete answer or correct. They matter. I enjoy a nice challenge and the celebration as well. I enjoy witnessing that energy from others too.  Still, I lean into this realization and reminders. The objectives do not need to be a complete substitution for who we naturally are, nor for all the experiences on our way to Point B.

Stretch

July 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

More space made it easier for me to fight the idea that I need to declutter. My spacious 1-bedroom apartment (a special gift to myself versus my younger days in studios and of course much younger days in the university dorm) means I have been able to keep clothes in a couple different closets and important papers put away that probably are not all that important.

I would think I was leaning towards the ownership of a home. After all, that is an accomplishment I also hold in high esteem. Ironically, however, I find I am currently in a chapter where it is time to do the opposite. I cannot exactly say that I am minimalist or trying to become a minimalist. I cannot say that I am going backwards. Perhaps, I could be just a bit. I am definitely taking a step back from the current view. Alternatively, I am continuing on but finally ready to do so in a different setting on a more permanent basis. So, the effort is not so much minimalization as it is that I just can’t take all this on the road/in the air with me.  

Additionally, what a relief and what freedom to be reminded I do not need to make a final decision yet about my next home. What relief and exactly the kind of freedom I need to pick up long-term wandering again.

Being both restricted from travel and trying to come back from my initial long term trip to settle down was a bit halting for me, although at first I did not realize how much so. I guess it was a tiny bit unnatural though I enjoyed moving to and living in DC and staying in the area to advance some goals, enjoy friends, scenery, food, museums, festivals, art, history and everyday experiences. I settled here enough to mature even more and learned it is okay to tweak my dreams. As  they say, it is time to move on.

Soon to be the District’s visitor, I am excited to share my next stop with you in the next few months. I narrowed it down to a couple of places, just for a start and a light workcation, which I am pretty sure is on my eventual way back to Peru. We will see. How nice to not have to make up a mind sometimes. I’m glad you are here and that I found the Vaycarian community especially. With you and them, I feel a little firmer about my footing. Knowing many others share my thoughts is encouraging. Imperfection is going to happen. My fears and excitement are wildly intertwined. Thank you for letting me know this is all okay.