Category: volunteer travel

Save yourself

June 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Who knows you better than you know yourself? I was speaking to a friend recently (who was innocent of what was happening in our conversation on all accounts). I realized he was talking about his future vacation spots and his idealized romantic future as if I shared the same outlook. While I was excited, it was more happiness for him, rather than vicariously. The places he wants to go and the career goals he has set for himself are not my own. I was realizing this more and more as he expected me to share a wistful moment. I did not. I could not and I was happy I snapped out of it. 

Similarly, I recall when I was asked about what I had done previously, traveling solo to a place that my aunt in Alabama thought was dangerous. She followed up with  … “you won’t do that again now, will you?” Just prior to that, she had referred to me being brave, but maybe not with the most complimentary tone. The “won’t do that again” frightened me more than being alone in an unfamiliar place. It occurred to me that it threatened to take away my dream. It was just a different angle that left me thinking twice.

Her fear was something unspoken that had caused me not to travel sooner. Getting the courage to do that and even to move to my current location took some convincing of myself. I still find it hard not to hear the contrary thoughts, the possibility of failure and some implication to how strange some of what I may consider is.

Odd how someone can speak an affirmation on another person’s behalf, including the scenario in which a friend sought for us to be on the same page in our dreams and whether we were reaching them or not.

If I did not trust in myself better (even on my low days) or if my imbalance did not give me clues that I am unsettled and still growing,  I might think I could be satisfied with what they told me. I could tell myself I can go those routes which they would find most acceptable and most comfortable.

Though I may not be sure of everything, I am also okay. I know the passions that have lingered for me even when I am wondering, and I need an eventual reminder that my space is not to be filled with another person’s “appropriate” plans for me.

This happens a lot for some of us, I notice. With fear and uncertainty, we could falter. I remind myself I cannot plan from a place of both my own fears and the fears of others. We do know ourselves best, even in confusion, sometimes even in my temporary delusion. Still, no one can replace our truest thoughts. At the beginning or the end of our process, we have to be real with ourselves or remain dissatisfied.

We are the most familiar with all the interests and needs we require to be happy and secure, without harming others of course. No one could thoroughly guess or be so inclined to give you what you need or will they necessarily be driven to do so, despite the greatest intention.

Not necessarily selfish on anyone else’s part, the call just gets louder to pursue personal interests, limiting the regrets. Every individual can envision an enhanced path. May we have access and the will to explore it.

Paradise is Less

June 28, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Other than some of the logistics for temporarily volunteering abroad, I could never have clearly imagined what all the time in between would look like. I had fantasies of tastes and pretty landscapes from my research, but nothing can compare to the actual experience overtaking your senses.

I knew what I should see around Pisco, Ica and what more I would like to see. I wanted to visit the Afro Peruvian town of Chincha, about an hour bus ride away. I also knew I wanted to leave the desert town after a while to make sure I did a mini trek to Machu Picchu.

Still, there were more ruins, historical sites and architecture I would experience through Arequipa. There was still the nightlife. I had planned for a substantial amount, hoping to make it to every desired stop.

I would reach many milestones. I was determined and inspired by my National Geographic travel guidebook. However, what I did not expect was so much more abundance coupled with a true sense of peace. I did not know how naturally we would be on the beach, down by the water where the Peruvian fishermen were (some of whom we knew from working together). I did not know the city of  Paracas was also going to serve up some of the best ceviche I would ever have on a one-day trip with four other friends and I did not know that just across the street from our shared volunteer hostel, there would be a home doubling as a delicious Peruvian cuisine spot. This could be any day abroad then and yet it was the food I would find especially sought after back in my new DC home.

Taking a tuk tuk ride into the market area also greeted us with some delicious Peruvian and chaufa (Chinese food) options. ..… and the town of Huacachina’s reasonably priced dune buggy rides and sandboarding were an easy 1 and a half day weekend away for most of the group. We took an abbreviated mini break from hostel living to this oasis before jumping back into our weekly routines. I recall the epicurean pasta and other cuisines still being reasonably priced although the activities and views could have made our stop much more costly, especially since we were beginning to touch upon a touristy area.  

The cities of Havana, Viñales, Trinidad, Cienfuegos, and Matanzas in Cuba each had their own luxury as well. Tobacco fields and honey harvesting farms. Staying in private well maintained homes with local people through casasparticulares.com. The popular Coppelia ice cream parlor. Chatting and getting tips from local people while mixing in official tourist activities.

It is ironic how finding something special and equally relaxing has gotten to be more allusive back in the States. Whereas sometimes I am homesick for certain comforts where I grew up in Ohio, where I attended college and where I now live in DC, I am often more easily distracted by the picturesque landscapes and breathtaking sights like Colca Canyon. I am more ready for the easy access to sandy beaches, savory foods and dancing. Even more, I am not surprised to get this satiation at a fraction of the cost. I do not readily expect the same when I try a new state-side spot.

In another instance, I was so busy adjusting to my new position at my last in-office job (only side-freelancing at the time) that I let the IHVQ organization choose my accommodations in Puerto Rico. I had wanted to do something in relation to Hurricane Maria for some time and once I got all my requirements in, IVHQ offered some discounted accommodations. Relief. I didn’t have to exhaust myself in a detailed search this time. Immediately not lost on me was the beach just up the street. Restaurants spanned the block and there was a chance to enjoy coincidental events and island activities.

True enough, I have not always ended up in simply enjoyable spots or the safest areas. My accommodation were in a nice location, however, and I knew a beach within walking distance would have hit my wallet so much more back home on vacation and/or in touristy/getaway destinations.

Guayaquil, Ecuador’s  boardwalk was also easily accessible and lined with restaurants leading to a cool museum while facing a breathtaking view of the Guayas River. I walked along the boardwalk to the amusement park area and to the artsy cultural neighborhoods of Las Peñas. I wandered down to the market and Iguana Park, where the animals roam freely, sheltered in their selected spot.

It is also duly noted that higher price can complement luxury and I have enjoyed such venues mostly due to my previous work.  Still, I am struck how much the scenic routes and the vibe of community and serenity can also be so much less. The views, the food, the weather, the water, the people relaxing, playing. Trading in my fast-paced schedule for a co-touristy and local vibe is an unexpected part of the exchange rate. Paradise can be less. Some parts are free.

How About Us

May 31, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

How much of our outlook is adapted to outside influences? When we are competent at our jobs, and skillful at our passions, how much do we enjoy or appreciate it based on ourselves? Based on the outlook and acceptance of others? When do we appreciate praise yet know for ourselves that we can celebrate ourselves too?

This is a reminder for those people who, like me, enjoy a compliment, enjoy an achievement or a unique trait or hobby about themselves but pretty quickly think about how relatable we are to others. Naturally, we need community and acceptance, but I am sure we have been notably shaped by those first and repeated times when we were faced with disapproval. Getting messages and implications in our everyday encounters and beyond did not help us feel forever comfortable in our skin and certainly not with our interests.

I know we have all had chapters, perhaps in different surroundings and with different groups of core people with whom to socialize. What I think about mostly now is how even when our environments change, even when conversations change, and we move in and out of social circles (sometimes quite literally), we have to remember ourselves.

Seeing how the outside changes, (you may feel this too), I sometimes see myself give a little more importance to how I am perceived rather than what I still really enjoy about my personality and my attributes. We have to remember ourselves and like I noted in That Nothing is Better Than Something, we have to be aware of what we really want. Checking in is reaffirming and a true piece to how I am better achieving my goals.

The gloomy days can go ahead and come, but I rebound a lot better when I know more about what I like, what I want and what my real personality is, including the “weirdness”.

Ironically, the more comfortable I am with expressing my interests or being okay with just being quiet taking in other people’s experiences and how they express themselves, I meet so many more kindred spirits.

I sometimes forget to stop and appreciate a lot of how unique I am while I can appreciate other people’s tastes, forgetting those hairstyles I created, that joke I landed, those awkward mistakes I made…  Maybe you also more easily recognize in others what you may dismiss in yourself.

Nice how much they know about that sport or game…, how interestingly he sings, dances… tells a story… That person is good at taking notes. This person finds the cutest matching clashing outfits. Of course, the list goes on, intricate as we are.

As I walk that a step further, I know the importance of remembering how good we are and how flexible we can be as people. We can do more. We do not have to settle on one preference or another. We can be good or attempt to become good at something. We can live our lives and we are definitely okay to simply celebrate how unique we are.

Buy Me a Hot Chocolate

That Nothing is Better Than Something

May 29, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Crumbs will get you in trouble, crumbs from relationships, crumbs for work, crumbs from what you expect for your life, When I started compromising what I wanted in a career, I realized a lot of people do. The field and title I had at my first job out of college was nice but not exactly the ambassadorship I envisioned.

When I moved from Ohio to enjoy the DC area (the DMV), I enjoyed it but also lived in Maryland and worked in Virginia before I later moved into DC proper years later. I was more the M and the V. I passed through the District all the time. I hung out there, but this too was not exactly my vision of being immersed in my new domicile.

That handsome guy in the DC area seemingly checked off all the boxes. I had liked him from a distance. Once we broke the ice, we were in touch every day. Only the sense of humor I appreciate also included an element I did not like and my desire for chill paired with going out did not fit his insular lifestyle.

While compromise can be a necessity or useful, I found myself over-compromising. In all the above experiences, I was trying to eke out little things I thought could leave me happy. They are just examples but really speak to more instances, how I want to hang out, what I want to eat, how much I want to dance. . . .so many tiny things could leave me wondering, wanting more.

A little tweak here. A little tweak there. It is more recently that I realized I did so many little things not quite matching my desires. As I started to ask honest questions about where I wanted to work (from anywhere) who I wanted to work for (myself), I see how I increasingly closed down my true wants in the past. Doing a lot of what I want has happened. A lot has not happened as well. Now it is more apparent when less people can meet me where I am (sometimes quite literally) and overall, we are empowered not to inconvenience each other so much.  I want people to enjoy themselves and us to enjoy each other as well.

Compromise should be given not in the ways that build resentment or discomfort and for me, a taste of what I want is sometimes just a distraction. Sometimes it is inspiring, but I have to check in with how I really feel especially if I dislike some elements, like my aforementioned prospective’s behavior. The truth is I did not need any part of it at all and that similarly continues to be true when I look at returning to my previous industry.

When I became a freelancer, I hit reset, asking myself how I can do more of what I love. I venture to say so many people may not get the time to ask. During my week, it randomly depends on the day.

However, taking away the work of commuting,  I can drill down to what I like about now and what I dislike. There are definite parts I would change. I can look up and be reminded how I can shift a little more and how I really want to feel in my environment. Have my goals changed? As we can design so much of what gets our time, how do we honestly want to spend it.

Better with You

April 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Many times, what you want to do has been done before. Someone could tell you almost exactly what to expect as you map out your goals. I think about this now more than ever. I regularly hear you should seek advice, as I am watching someone’s content and in our growing self-democratized spaces, we do seem to have a lot more access to information. It also means there is a lot more to sift through to find what’s relevant, but for the most part, understandably there is someone you can connect with who can aid you in your efforts. The same is true of people in our everyday lives.

Take the steps that can more easily guide you, while saving time. This seems simple. I hear what they are saying, and I also see how easy it is not to completely accept the advice.

I practiced more of the opposite all my life. School work. Professional work. Striving. When it came to projects, tasks and long term goals, it seemed easier to proceed with doing it all on my own and reverting to that is so tempting. In work, I just found it natural to be self-sufficient, either not to bother others, or ironically to help them and our consumers more.

My thoughts were on working quicker and not needing to rely on others.  Looking back, however, my stance was also detrimental. While I could feel some empowerment, I was also painting myself into a corner. Tough work patterns were easy to recognize in friends, but I was more easily an advocate of them than myself. Sure, I increased my knowledge, but I also increased my work. Then I carried my heavier workload over to my personal goals.

The above advice for help is much clearer. Otherwise, I would be limiting myself. Community is part of my life but not as much as it can be, not as much as I can be guided, and I can reciprocate that guidance. I have a lot to share instead of just powering through, succeeding, hitting walls, course correcting and unnecessarily wasting time. I learned a lot from writers and content creators, but replicating some of their success means that it’s also okay to be in community with them. No one has just done everything alone.

So as I have faced a lot of bureaucracy being my own business advocate, I welcome more earnest information. Joining the Stephanie Perry Crew has been inspiring. Changing a self-reliant mindset will be easier when I see people doing what I want to do, as she says.

This is my opening to less hard work in a weird way because I so used to value that in itself. Now, I see the flaws too. I could work harder doing something the wrong way.

I know the relief when colleagues or the like have helped me with no complaints and no expectations. I need to walk the walk with other people just as well as being seIf-determined and self-sufficient in many ways.

This is my beginning, joining the lovely ladies of Stephanie’s group and also opening up and sharing as much of my experiences with them, helping as much as I can.

Change

April 29, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Different just has to be different right now.

Not that I’m down for a misadventure (though it can happen, and you can see it here too), rather I’m just dreaming of life’s next page turner.

Buying into change has often meant me imagining something incredibly better. However, I am seeing less need for external enhancement and more desire for personal development. Likewise, previously convincing myself of change meant downplaying what I may be leaving behind. Alternatively I can still appreciate what I got to do (some of which I could keep doing) while being open to simply seeing more.

In the same way I have written about needing variety in work, socializing and downtime, there is a restlessness creeping into my focus. Maybe I will wake up different tomorrow. However, this has not been the case for months (maybe even a year).

Just as I want to read/hear more from other people’s perspectives, I also want to see more. I do not want to take in just anything but instead follow a loosely outlined path. You see, I had once started and then stopped:

When I left my first job three years after moving to DC, (I arrived in 2006), I knew I had to embrace my interests more and I knew I did not necessarily have to leave on poor terms (but trust me, I have left on not the smoothest terms before).

When I left this particular job, the surest feeling was being unfulfilled, and I wanted more of a leadership role including the possibility of national travel. I also hoped to work in my international interest. I got all three and got confirmation that following a healthy curiosity can open doors, perhaps some windows. Ironically, this next company was already operating in the red until all of us, including the CEO were ushered out. The economic decision came down from the Board of Directors. I could actually use it in my favor. Instead of lamenting forever about my final days as we were training our corporate-take-over replacements, I made my first real plans for volunteering abroad. In retrospect, the job led me to my ultimate goal, my ultimate segue into living overseas.

So I realize I do not have much to disparage about any of my past. I miss the Midwest and love that it gave me my upbringing and university life before DC. Of course, that’s always home.  I was once fulfilled there too and then ready for change. I was ready to sign up for something different, not necessarily so much better, but maybe. There has been good in both staying and going everywhere, as far as I can tell. Of course, I wish I could have everyone I love all the time everywhere.

My new experiences can now just be the welcomed difference. Reasonably. They can be life changing if they like and probably on varying levels, that is natural. Mostly, I want to add to my perspective and see what else guides my way as long as there is real curiosity and wonder lurking.

This brings me to my rationalization for leaving some potential memory-making behind. I have to pick my next state whilst being abroad. So shall this be my chance to share and grow with you as I figure out how to go and where to come back to.

One of the Ones

March 31, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

The pain of saying goodbye. I write of this because it affected my life comprehensively. I am no stranger to grief, which of course does not make it any easier, just familiar. I saw our relationship coming to an end but did not want to talk about it. How much more inviting it was to pretend. How fun it was to think he was not exactly right for me but that we would be together in some kind of fairy tale rom-com. They say opposites attract and almost sure enough, although we had similar core values and tastes, we also had some significant opposing stances. I realized I was really falling for him, especially when we were just connecting on our beliefs and not on an overarching issue like fiscal policy.

We were close, or so I thought, but first, let me go back a bit.

We met in Fall and what was romantic turned to friendship. The scenario seemed reversed, so all the more reason I thought this could probably end better than previous designs on my heart. The movies show a cute chemistry of couples disagreeing while falling for each other, which we seemed to mirror.

The stories do not seem to especially zero in on the struggle of miscommunications and the baggage we may carry from past hurts. What became very real to me was how much I did not want to be hurt and how I ran for the hills before he pulled me back, for which I both thanked and blamed him. I walked into some familiar disappointments that I thought I could avoid. However, I also matured in opting to be more open and vulnerable. Being long distance made it harder and I wondered if it could have been easier or even tougher if we saw each other every day. Who is to say? Also, I knew there were a lot of platitudes, and I began to wonder how much of our excitement was sustainable and how much was being in love with love. I questioned our staying power. Initially, his excitement was overwhelming. I tried to reach a slower pace that was not me simply being guarded.

I write of this to be transparent about the recent challenges of a relationship ending. I write of this in appreciation for what now seems to be fading behind me. I more so reflect on the irreplaceable gratitude I considered in my last post.

Here was another part of my growing process. In spite of just being disappointed, I am thankful. Even a day that felt like a digression was another day heading away from the initial disappointment. The painful moments of letting go were not constant. They stung but were not meant to last and I can appreciate the relief from any issues we had been facing. I can take comfort in the humor and affection that always gets to be what it was. The experiences will always be what we have and how we got to enjoy each other. I would rather be here and have learned, knowing I got to be there and knowing I get to be better.

Ours to Claim

March 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

As I found myself doing my gratitude recognition and being prayerfully mindful of the simple things I have like my basic needs and even many desires, I realized what I can easily overlook. I usually recognize what is recent and constant but had to note, there is something more. There is another more grounded foundation for gratitude. This aspect can be irreplaceable. There is the appreciation for the multitude of experiences passed, places I got the honor of seeing, circles in which I moved, and people who accepted me in the most respectable, affectionate ways and then there are people to whom I had the pleasure of providing help, encouragement and support.

The memories of circumstances, events, past friends and current friends will always have their place. You and I cannot be robbed of these fortunes. There is an appreciation for experiences and circumstances I will always hold dear or from which I was able to recover and learn. We are all fashioned with a unique story. I am sure we can think of interesting people we have met, people that find us interesting, misfortune we have escaped or surpassed, and just simply being somewhere maybe especially fun or peaceful. The fact is no one can take away the moments you were able to live through and the personal way they made you feel. They will always have space and credit for being a part of your process. We get to be here and unlike new developments, there is an irreplaceable gratitude we can affix to the lives we have lived, to date.

Getting to experience the college student’s life was one stand out. Immediately following high school, I got to be the first in my immediate family to go away for this honor. I am lucky my parents and several of my teachers normalized this path for me. You get quite the momentum when people support your progress and or/ treat your path as given.

Being able to explore my cultural interests has been another spotlight. Volunteering freely here and in South America was a reminder of being in a brave and comfortable enough place to decide to uproot my life and provide some assistance for others. I can always appreciate the extended leap I took. Otherwise, I could have never counted so many international people among my friends.

Thanks to my parents, I also feel there is this work and study ethic forged inside my brothers and I, adding to our perseverance and endurance.  I cannot say all forms of striving are healthy or necessary (it can go left) but I am happy to see many instances were efforts equal purpose and achievement. The incredible influence that my parents, their parents and our ancestors have on us is something I can be grateful to hold within me, especially when I am down. Eventually, I get back to hope.

I am grateful no one can take away our experience. No one can take away all we got to do and see and who we got to meet. For better or worse, as I get older, I am remembering how I have survived and in what I have relished. I am remembering to have appreciation for moments passed. Different circumstances, different settings, different crowds. Remaining grateful for what comes now, I am pleased we get to have so many priceless gems tucked away.

buy me a hot chocolate

The Long Game

February 28, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Full stop. Forced to slow down. I was a little sick for a few days this month. The beauty is having no choice but to slow down. The other beauty is feeling gratitude for how you normally feel and reveling in the return to normalcy, feeling more gracious, more ready to accomplish your work naturally or just relax.

Today is a leftover of one of those days in which I can tell I have fully rebounded from choosing to eat what disagreed with me. Lost energy recovered and a lot less of an uphill climb today, the seeming setback just added a little more to the time I needed to prepare myself for work again and to finally be able to move on to my new organizational goals.

The next steps mean dismantling the façade of everything I own seemingly put away in the right spaces. I still need to address what may be stored away and what I need to dispense of for much lighter travels.

Perhaps saying goodbye to a lot of closet space, shelves, boxes and drawers will give me clarity. I have needed a change for a while.  Occupationally, I have made progress, but perhaps I am a little more stagnant in my environment. Going away from time to time does not seem to serve my complete curiosity.

Looking over my place, I am sure there is so much I thought I needed that no longer has the same purpose. There is also probably a lot of not knowing what I have. There could be an emotional analogy in how I have put items away, meaning to go back to them long before now, meaning to finish projects or think through ideas.

Keeping what I think I need will probably change and undoubtedly, I will have a hard time parting with some of the stuff. As I have moved to different apartments in the area before, I am also familiar with the surprise of simply holding on to other things like random papers and writing. I am now going through items and sense this is a good exercise for shifting my mindset and clearing space for another perspective. It would be nice to feel freer and lighter and I am curious how much of what I acquire is really me at all.

Some sentimentality and obsolete resources are no longer needed. I am okay with moving on, although there will be a bittersweet crossroads. I know that feeling too (and could be an explanation for my simultaneous stalling). I notice my past self even keeping some reminders of struggle, thinking this helpful in seeing how far I have come. I wonder was it really. Depending on the motivation and the mood, it seemed to be. I wonder how much I have changed without my stuff. I wonder how much of my stuff is really me.

buy me a hot chocolate

Apart From This

February 27, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Recent days have been a nice reset after all the constant hard work.

Every week in February has been especially busy until now, leading up to another yearly notch in my time here.

Seemingly, the break has been much needed, before I prepare to pick up the pace again right after my birthday. I am excited to be a little more mature (maybe) and quite a bit savvier (and silly). I hope. I suspect. I have been through a bit more, happily and a bit roughly and it appears to ring true that this shapes a person’s outlook and hopefully provides some degree of more wisdom. Some of this wisdom has been geared towards letting go.

I feel the support in all the different routes I must choose. I appreciate you all for affording me the opportunity to figure out my possibly nomadic or simply moving goals here. I appreciate the support from friends and family who fully imagine me following through, however long I take. Normally I am that pessimistic optimist who wants and hopes for good things but has that feeling like she is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Thanks for watching me grow and get better at not preparing for something to go wrong?

Now, during some considerable time off, I want to enjoy my comforts and acknowledge what I have finished. I get a pass to work smarter. We all do. With over 1500 multi-faceted translation projects complete and other work under way, I plan to continue, just not in the same ways, rather more rest and ease in between, including taking care of myself and enjoying various relationships. This birthday break plus mini sabbatical was good practice.

The encouraging videos of Stephanie Perry (vaycarian) are soaking into my system more gradually as I work on this year being such a transition to a smarter easier life. More than likely, I may take more than a year to get there, but also, really?

Whereas momentum has been a positive in getting me over some humps, momentum also had a dangerous speed. I did more for less. I spent up a lot of my free time. I worked on fruitless issues and work. Maybe, a lot of us do in instances, to prove something to ourselves. We hope we create a worthy outcome, but I like the message I get from Stephanie and the other ladies. You can just be. You can just reinvigorate yourselves and dole out or not dole out your energy as you see fit. I am inspired by their practice and seeing others do the same.

Moreover, I am not even certain people can notice every detail of what we may try to do in work or volunteering. They may be able to, but I have not witnessed such thorough recognition. The argument may be that what is done is not about them, however I see actions so often intertwined with validations.  Inasmuch as others can appreciate other’s efforts, we have to stop short of taxing our bodies and minds. We can do what we choose, but I worry and hear of many people taking on too much for the wrong reasons and running themselves down. They make uneven sacrifices.

What about our health and having energy for ourselves and the right people. How about the freedom to just be, at some point. Stephanie underscores so much for me. I credit her and think how I never thought about how many common structures in the U.S. reiterate the growing issue of not being enough. Not doing enough. We may even discount what we do as not such a big deal or just being natural. We set an impossible weary bar.

2020 was a breakthrough when I broke away from having a traditional boss/bosses and gave up the necessity of commuting pretty substantially. During my gratitude and prayer practice, I remind myself how I could be in a totally different place and not just have the remnants of continuously doing doing doing. I could still be in the midst of this outlook instead of trying to do less.

If you are unrecognizable to yourself in your appearance or you feel spent when you do get a chance to sit down, give yourself credit and consider not doing much more.