April 29, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson
Different just has to be different right now.
Not that I’m down for a misadventure (though it can happen, and you can see it here too), rather I’m just dreaming of life’s next page turner.
Buying into change has often meant me imagining something incredibly better. However, I am seeing less need for external enhancement and more desire for personal development. Likewise, previously convincing myself of change meant downplaying what I may be leaving behind. Alternatively I can still appreciate what I got to do (some of which I could keep doing) while being open to simply seeing more.
In the same way I have written about needing variety in work, socializing and downtime, there is a restlessness creeping into my focus. Maybe I will wake up different tomorrow. However, this has not been the case for months (maybe even a year).
Just as I want to read/hear more from other people’s perspectives, I also want to see more. I do not want to take in just anything but instead follow a loosely outlined path. You see, I had once started and then stopped:
When I left my first job three years after moving to DC, (I arrived in 2006), I knew I had to embrace my interests more and I knew I did not necessarily have to leave on poor terms (but trust me, I have left on not the smoothest terms before).
When I left this particular job, the surest feeling was being unfulfilled, and I wanted more of a leadership role including the possibility of national travel. I also hoped to work in my international interest. I got all three and got confirmation that following a healthy curiosity can open doors, perhaps some windows. Ironically, this next company was already operating in the red until all of us, including the CEO were ushered out. The economic decision came down from the Board of Directors. I could actually use it in my favor. Instead of lamenting forever about my final days as we were training our corporate-take-over replacements, I made my first real plans for volunteering abroad. In retrospect, the job led me to my ultimate goal, my ultimate segue into living overseas.
So I realize I do not have much to disparage about any of my past. I miss the Midwest and love that it gave me my upbringing and university life before DC. Of course, that’s always home. I was once fulfilled there too and then ready for change. I was ready to sign up for something different, not necessarily so much better, but maybe. There has been good in both staying and going everywhere, as far as I can tell. Of course, I wish I could have everyone I love all the time everywhere.
My new experiences can now just be the welcomed difference. Reasonably. They can be life changing if they like and probably on varying levels, that is natural. Mostly, I want to add to my perspective and see what else guides my way as long as there is real curiosity and wonder lurking.
This brings me to my rationalization for leaving some potential memory-making behind. I have to pick my next state whilst being abroad. So shall this be my chance to share and grow with you as I figure out how to go and where to come back to.