October 31, 2025 by Cassandra Johnson
Accepting all I deserve?
It’s coming easier.
I am reminiscent of how not to deny myself. I am reminded not to expect less. I am reminded of insistent examples.
I am reminded of my 31st birthday via my brother and us sharing ideas and outlooks.
I am swept up in the memory of that birthday, of inviting friends to share the date with me, to enjoy our time together. I do not remember being especially hungry. I enjoyed the food. I enjoyed the drinks but I mostly recalled the satiation being filled by the company and their intentions.
I am struck by the memory of a celebration of many friends from different parts of my life coming together and how supported I felt in their respect for each other out of their own interests and their respect for me. I love seeing them in their element and not too focused on me, unnaturally, but very fluidly focused on me and our relationships.
I was captured by them, captured by the presence we stayed in. Wrapping up our goodbyes intermittently as they had to leave, I am struck how I could ask for what I really wanted and be treated so deserving.
What I really was reflecting on is how stark it could be to stay in this mode when life’s pressures mount around you and you’re most likely in work mode.
Interestingly in a space of employing so much effort, a lot more factors like bosses and profit work to the effect of convincing you of not being deserving and of extracting more of you than is willing to be given in return. I have been talked out of acknowledging what I deserve in these spaces but now I am reminded. Examples of being deserving are insistent and luckily, my family/friend support system is as well.