Keep showing up. Keep checking in. What is it you really want to do? I repeat those encouraging words to myself although I have felt awkward these last couple of months. Awkward but excited.
I decided to be in venues by myself in addition to hanging out with friends and usually it is admittedly easier to have friends along with you. There are different levels. Museums and the like are easy places to go. Restaurants and sports bars have a different energy.
I am glad I showed up anyway as a matter of not always taxing my friends with my random plans and just as a matter of mixing it up, trying some new things nearby, relatively easy to get to or especially interesting to just me. Just chilling, I am never late nor early. I do at times feel like there is that initial customer radar, the passing glance of: “What’s her story?” “Date coming?” “Friend coming? “Stood up!” “Rowdy person?” Quiet one?” The radar subtly and not so subtly flickers out. Sometimes it doesn’t come, and servers and other employees are already pretty chill. What is intriguing is that I instantly feel more comfortable doing this abroad and I maybe chalk that up to the perspective I wrote about in The Uninhibited Life. I do get comfortable here and people are really friendly and/or flirtatious. I just never know, and I really think I have been more often pleasantly surprised this way.
By the end, I am encouraged to keep reminding myself not to limit what I do to whether I am with people or not. I am reminded you are always meeting people, or you can be chill and relaxed too. Travel underscores this so well.
So I know the encouraging words will not always encourage me. So I do appreciate the company of friends. However I also want to keep being curious and doing what is a little different. No judgment if I don’t always have the nerve but nice to know I have the possibility to experience adventure, comfort and my freedom.
Thank you for being here with me again. I’m excited I’ve reached some more subscribers. Sharing my stories here was a bit of a leap of faith. Still is. I appreciate all the encouragement both on this platform and in everyday situations.
I get a message speaking to me every few days and played out in different ways, both verbally and in actions I witness. This is in addition to different overarching and more subtle ones. From some of the influencers I follow, the recurring message is a reminder to be myself in every moment and in case you need the reminder: Also think of what it means to be the real you. Always.
When I was very young, before I knew what a blog was, I wanted to write stories, novels, poems, a book. I loved the play on words. People putting energy and meaning to paper meant the world to me.
I’m fortunate my mom gave me so much encouragement when I would lose myself in what I now know as the source of creativity. Emerging later with a poem, she would be my first audience. She would recall my latest one whenever my aunt was visiting from their home state. “Go and get the poem you wrote.” My heart would be dancing, my feet practically running out from under me. Returning so fast, I would read it proudly, though at the time, I was a shy child developing self-image issues. These are the times I was taller than life.
I got a sense if I could read something, I could learn it. The clarinet naturally aligned with my identity in band and symphony for umpteenth years. I began reading music like the many books I checked out of the local Middletown library. I inhaled them. On one occasion I leaned especially nonfiction, picking up Pelé’s autobiography and a couple of training books, deeming myself officially ready for high school soccer tryouts. There was nothing like the physicality of the conditioning and drills I would endure, and the real world negative and positive experiences. Still, my internalization of words and characters on paper somehow got me to the next and the next, even if that just translated into encouragement and possibilities.
I developed more affinity for the art of language, especially Spanish, as I navigated from junior high to high school. I fancied a vision of some future diplomacy work. Exploring and volunteering would be next. My best-laid plans are in some of my travel stories. Turns out my itinerarieswere best followed and altered after delving into books, guides and forums like Lonely Planet and National Geographic. Seeing it, (and occasionally planning too much) I finally left to play and live in some spaces I once only imagined.
I see it could be easy to forget even just tiny remnants of what piques our interest before hopefully recalling them again. I know just a few of mine are writing, translating, traveling off-beaten tracks, and connecting with the stories everyone has. What intrigues us doesn’t have to be static, but it’s sometimes helpful, at least for me, to recall that feeling. I sense we all have a sense of what makes us feel alive, when we feel most energetic and interested rather than blasé.
Sometimes, we can look outward and not always fully recall what truly matters the most to us and what we truly want to reflect and share with others. It can happen when trying to fulfill certain everyday expectations and obligations. Every one of us is unique so such metrics can be off putting.
The message coming to me recently from a lot of influencers is that it sometimes took them a while to get back to who they have always been. How easy it is to get caught up when seeking some particular permission or acceptance. Funny how the need to evade rejection or judgement sometimes creeps in or even stuns us.
What I gathered from their lessons is that whether the metrics are perceived or real, the quickest way to the fullest life is being true to yourself in all you do. In turn, you’re true to others. The message was encouraging, seemingly simple, though easily forgotten when moving about the world. A simple reminder I sometimes need when making a choice and a reminder to you in case you ever need it.
Your time is always appreciated. Thank you sharing it here with me. 😊
