Tag: fear

Stretch

July 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

More space made it easier for me to fight the idea that I need to declutter. My spacious 1-bedroom apartment (a special gift to myself versus my younger days in studios and of course much younger days in the university dorm) means I have been able to keep clothes in a couple different closets and important papers put away that probably are not all that important.

I would think I was leaning towards the ownership of a home. After all, that is an accomplishment I also hold in high esteem. Ironically, however, I find I am currently in a chapter where it is time to do the opposite. I cannot exactly say that I am minimalist or trying to become a minimalist. I cannot say that I am going backwards. Perhaps, I could be just a bit. I am definitely taking a step back from the current view. Alternatively, I am continuing on but finally ready to do so in a different setting on a more permanent basis. So, the effort is not so much minimalization as it is that I just can’t take all this on the road/in the air with me.  

Additionally, what a relief and what freedom to be reminded I do not need to make a final decision yet about my next home. What relief and exactly the kind of freedom I need to pick up long-term wandering again.

Being both restricted from travel and trying to come back from my initial long term trip to settle down was a bit halting for me, although at first I did not realize how much so. I guess it was a tiny bit unnatural though I enjoyed moving to and living in DC and staying in the area to advance some goals, enjoy friends, scenery, food, museums, festivals, art, history and everyday experiences. I settled here enough to mature even more and learned it is okay to tweak my dreams. As  they say, it is time to move on.

Soon to be the District’s visitor, I am excited to share my next stop with you in the next few months. I narrowed it down to a couple of places, just for a start and a light workcation, which I am pretty sure is on my eventual way back to Peru. We will see. How nice to not have to make up a mind sometimes. I’m glad you are here and that I found the Vaycarian community especially. With you and them, I feel a little firmer about my footing. Knowing many others share my thoughts is encouraging. Imperfection is going to happen. My fears and excitement are wildly intertwined. Thank you for letting me know this is all okay.

One Ways

January 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Strictly spontaneous.

Contrary but true. I realize I have to let my path take on a life of its own and the most planning I can do now is air tickets to my quasi destinations plus organizing all the administrative stuff that comes with a move.

I’m happy to take my welcome income with me on the road and in the air for a change of pace. I only wish I could be ready sooner. Still, I want to live up to the notion I had, and others realize I could have, of working from anywhere. I am still curious, however, if changing locales will distract me when I am otherwise not supposed to be having downtime.

I could maybe just pick up and go in several months. However, that excitement sounds as overwhelming as going a year from now, even though I have done this before. I still have some familiar reservations of turning away from those comforts and securities of just staying put, even where I feel restricted. I have a strong sense of freedom of trying somewhere different or even being somewhere tried and true (like home in Peru).

However still choosing to go, I instantly noticed the overwhelm of deciding to make a big change. Excitement lays my foundation, but uncertainty is just as familiar too. Fortunately, whatever you wish to do is being done by someone and as I looked at the work laid out before me; I was recently comforted by some forgotten advice. I was thankful for the nomad YouTubers I have especially been enjoying lately (Picky Girl Travels the World and Stephanie Perry), but especially a friend to both of them (Ivana Robinson) She quickly reminded me how next steps can unwittingly become too broad or too vague.

Ivana’s example was the item on her friend’s to-do list which read: “update website”. Naturally, the item kept moving down the list and further along the calendar. This is not to say every venture needs to be broken down, but her friend pointed out how much of a tall order this was to tackle. Similarly, I was recalling how many items were currently getting postponed on my calendar.

Ivana was suggesting a step back, maybe start off pinpointing what exactly you want to update. This alone would be one step forward. She proposed more examples amounting to just one task completed per day or per week.  She said maybe spend another day on just your bio, etc. There went my spirit lifting again. Good thoughts. I had forgotten how I primarily captured a lot of momentum in small ways before accomplishing some substantial goals. Work outs. Travel. I have been down these paths before. There is a big picture to reach but little pieces go towards each moment forward.

Although I have the panoramic outlook of being away for a long time, I was ultimately led back to the building blocks. The initial steps can begin simply. How soon I forgot. There was a lot of planning and organizing in my past. I did as much as possible in the time I had and managed to be more than okay. Simply beginning means a lot but also just knowing what I truly want, what you truly want, is the back story for everything we must choose.