Tag: leap of faith

Some time before

February 26, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

Time suddenly contracted: Giving my landlord a 30-day notice without having another place where I would be returning, donating my car, leaving a temporary job where they wanted to hire me permanently. The decisions were necessary in my view but also so final.

They were more freeing than I would expect. I comforted myself with the ideas of facility and availability. How easy did I think it would be to return to the US and start working again, rent a new apartment, and just have to take the bus, train, or my feet everywhere. How simple. Leaving the way I did, I had to suspect there was some element of ease to my return, when I did return. I was incorrect in some of my perspective, but it got me to this.

Sometimes I have to take one opportunity cost or more so I can see some of my inspiration turn into life.

The final steps, which I decided were necessary, got me to my alternate opportunities though they also urged more second thoughts. I had to keep some greater fears to myself. I was surprised this was finally happening. My dream to travel and help people abroad was beginning. My experiences also gave me more ease in places I would later visit in the future. For the first time, as a volunteer’s journey, as the elements played out in real life, my mind so easily told me to stop and accept the tried and true and reminded me that I could be giving up security, safety, and putting friendships on pause and perhaps even a budding romance. The more I did, the more I had to go. Some of the time when people repeated what I said I was going to do with surprise, I was inwardly convincing myself of the finality of my plans as well. Sometimes, one just knows the last circumstance needed is twin doubts.

If I left the comfortable grind of everyday life, what would happen to me. Did I have a place? It was safe to say I would be bunking in Peru for the next immediate months and who knew after. I also did not know my fellow volunteers/new friends/travelers would have me wanting to explore more of this other side of South America. So there I was in a mixture of my own dreams and my own making. I was scared. I could barely wait.

When I describe leaving the comfortable grind, I had to remind myself there was a grind I needed to address in not realizing some other aspirations. My stability is alright but interestingly does not help with my mental balance and security is not the easiest element to focus on when wondering about a path I had imagined myself taking long ago. I even felt a little late but was happy I was going. I had found and applied to the one group I felt would fit me well (boy would I be curiously surprised when I encountered them on a Friday night in between volunteering shifts.😊

I was going and staying and about to get some interesting insights on staying a little longer and maybe even for the duration down the line.

You and Me

APRIL 26, 2020 BY CASSANDRA JOHNSON
Image Credit: Gellinger on PIxabay

Thank you for being here with me again. I’m excited I’ve reached some more subscribers. Sharing my stories here was a bit of a leap of faith. Still is. I appreciate all the encouragement both on this platform and in everyday situations.

I get a message speaking to me every few days and played out in different ways, both verbally and in actions I witness. This is in addition to different overarching and more subtle ones. From some of the influencers I follow, the recurring message is a reminder to be myself in every moment and in case you need the reminder: Also think of what it means to be the real you. Always.

When I was very young, before I knew what a blog was, I wanted to write stories, novels, poems, a book. I loved the play on words. People putting energy and meaning to paper meant the world to me.

I’m fortunate my mom gave me so much encouragement when I would lose myself in what I now know as the source of creativity. Emerging later with a poem, she would be my first audience. She would recall my latest one whenever my aunt was visiting from their home state. “Go and get the poem you wrote.” My heart would be dancing, my feet practically running out from under me. Returning so fast, I would read it proudly, though at the time, I was a shy child developing self-image issues. These are the times I was taller than life.

I got a sense if I could read something, I could learn it. The clarinet naturally aligned with my identity in band and symphony for umpteenth years. I began reading music like the many books I checked out of the local Middletown library. I inhaled them. On one occasion I leaned especially nonfiction, picking up Pelé’s autobiography and a couple of training books, deeming myself officially ready for high school soccer tryouts. There was nothing like the physicality of the conditioning and drills I would endure, and the real world negative and positive experiences. Still, my internalization of words and characters on paper somehow got me to the next and the next, even if that just translated into encouragement and possibilities.

I developed more affinity for the art of language, especially Spanish, as I navigated from junior high to high school. I fancied a vision of some future diplomacy work. Exploring and volunteering would be next. My best-laid plans are in some of my travel stories. Turns out my itineraries were best followed and altered after delving into books, guides and forums like Lonely Planet and National Geographic. Seeing it, (and occasionally planning too much) I finally left to play and live in some spaces I once only imagined.

I see it could be easy to forget even just tiny remnants of what piques our interest before hopefully recalling them again. I know just a few of mine are writing, translating, traveling off-beaten tracks, and connecting with the stories everyone has. What intrigues us doesn’t have to be static, but it’s sometimes helpful, at least for me, to recall that feeling. I sense we all have a sense of what makes us feel alive, when we feel most energetic and interested rather than blasé.

Sometimes, we can look outward and not always fully recall what truly matters the most to us and what we truly want to reflect and share with others. It can happen when trying to fulfill certain everyday expectations and obligations. Every one of us is unique so such metrics can be off putting.

The message coming to me recently from a lot of influencers is that it sometimes took them a while to get back to who they have always been. How easy it is to get caught up when seeking some particular permission or acceptance. Funny how the need to evade rejection or judgement sometimes creeps in or even stuns us.

What I gathered from their lessons is that whether the metrics are perceived or real, the quickest way to the fullest life is being true to yourself in all you do. In turn, you’re true to others. The message was encouraging, seemingly simple, though easily forgotten when moving about the world. A simple reminder I sometimes need when making a choice and a reminder to you in case you ever need it.

Your time is always appreciated. Thank you sharing it here with me. 😊