February 26, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson
Time suddenly contracted: Giving my landlord a 30-day notice without having another place where I would be returning, donating my car, leaving a temporary job where they wanted to hire me permanently. The decisions were necessary in my view but also so final.
They were more freeing than I would expect. I comforted myself with the ideas of facility and availability. How easy did I think it would be to return to the US and start working again, rent a new apartment, and just have to take the bus, train, or my feet everywhere. How simple. Leaving the way I did, I had to suspect there was some element of ease to my return, when I did return. I was incorrect in some of my perspective, but it got me to this.
Sometimes I have to take one opportunity cost or more so I can see some of my inspiration turn into life.
The final steps, which I decided were necessary, got me to my alternate opportunities though they also urged more second thoughts. I had to keep some greater fears to myself. I was surprised this was finally happening. My dream to travel and help people abroad was beginning. My experiences also gave me more ease in places I would later visit in the future. For the first time, as a volunteer’s journey, as the elements played out in real life, my mind so easily told me to stop and accept the tried and true and reminded me that I could be giving up security, safety, and putting friendships on pause and perhaps even a budding romance. The more I did, the more I had to go. Some of the time when people repeated what I said I was going to do with surprise, I was inwardly convincing myself of the finality of my plans as well. Sometimes, one just knows the last circumstance needed is twin doubts.
If I left the comfortable grind of everyday life, what would happen to me. Did I have a place? It was safe to say I would be bunking in Peru for the next immediate months and who knew after. I also did not know my fellow volunteers/new friends/travelers would have me wanting to explore more of this other side of South America. So there I was in a mixture of my own dreams and my own making. I was scared. I could barely wait.
When I describe leaving the comfortable grind, I had to remind myself there was a grind I needed to address in not realizing some other aspirations. My stability is alright but interestingly does not help with my mental balance and security is not the easiest element to focus on when wondering about a path I had imagined myself taking long ago. I even felt a little late but was happy I was going. I had found and applied to the one group I felt would fit me well (boy would I be curiously surprised when I encountered them on a Friday night in between volunteering shifts.😊
I was going and staying and about to get some interesting insights on staying a little longer and maybe even for the duration down the line.