September 30, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson
What I also realized about the uninhibited life was an added self-assurance. How easy it was to state my cases and/or preferences.
Some of the most comfort I had disagreeing with people I really liked was far from home and where I would not have expected to feel so secure. Even when I was wrong (and had to make up for it), I realize how much more self-assurance came with what I was doing, what we were doing, what I really wanted and not getting everything perfect.
I speak my mind when necessary in the States, but usually leave a lot more room for others to voice things themselves (and so not always when necessary). Both angles probably have their ups and downs, but I really seem to be quite comfortable coming out of my mouth with something with conviction when I am already on an adventure. I might be risking an awkward situation but somehow do not seem as worried. Maybe I am less sensitive, less worried about the perceptions of others. Again, I note the uninhibited life (linked above). Yet, I seemed to be liked just the same. What if it is more? I guess the friendly, helping nature I still offer abroad helps but I cannot help but notice I am considerably less reserved in stating my opinion or about trying something that could be exciting or end up a complete disappointment.
I guess there is a certain comfort in already being outside your comfort zone, having made it comforting. Before I departed, how nervous (though excited) I was to be abroad, how unsure I was if there could be any danger. I really did not know much about what was certain. Yet, finding your niche and finding more friends, you can be more certain of your daring nature and personally this could be what helped me be more adamant as well.
I remember telling my new friend in Puerto Rico that I, in fact, was not the reason we were late to our first day of volunteer service. (We actually were not that late) but definitely off track. In the moment, I just knew it took two and we both had a hand in our goal that day. Understandably, in his frustration, (I believe just human nature) he sought a target. I was rather satisfied with that not becoming the narrative that got produced that day. How easy it could have been once getting there and asked, “did you find everything okay?” We were over it and into what we were meant to do in no time and just enjoying the sights in between.
I remember telling my friend in Peru that there were plenty of people to fill in for me one day when I wanted to properly see another friend off (what if I did not get to see the friend who was leaving anytime soon). I felt as stubborn as I must have been as a small child. No way I was letting Margaret leave without going sandboarding with her and spending a whole day with her and others where we had met.
I remember taking my friend to task for what I thought was inconsiderately taking my sleeping gear, although this definitely falls into the aforementioned category of things that I should apologize for (a true misunderstanding). We were still close after that. Thank goodness. I am glad he did not hold it against me.
On the less confrontational side, I was more apt to be out and about too, ready to be dragged along or doing the convincing of others, myself.
Knowing who you are does seems to come with the territory of putting yourself out there, trying new things, daring yourself to travel alone or with others to a totally unexpected place. I am true in a sense to in my everyday goals, when I am not away, but somehow I sense a little more reservation, perhaps leaning towards stability and knowing what’s coming. Understandably, I get how this speaks to safety and security but eventually it also gets me quicker to craving an adventure at some point. I am learning from both life versions, both truly me. Learning. Taking notes.