Category: backpacking

Distracted

March 28 by Cassandra Johnson

I am in the Politics and Prose bookstore, in my now DC neighborhood and I wander to the back wall of the travel section.

The last time I was there, I picked up the Lonely Planet edition of Cuba, a book showcasing the off-the beaten-path places to see in the country which still are noted accordingly, and the ones which are not because of the ironic knowledge. Still I like both the tried and true and the little known.

Going back to the office was challenging after 10 days in Cuba, however this was never so real as how I felt after living in Peru and Bolivia.

Not being ready to be back in the US and facing off with the reverse culture shock I had been forewarned about, I realized I could temporarily transition back by staying in a traveler’s hostel before securing another DC apartment. I would also continue my search for desired NGO and/or development work which I was for now more certain I had the field experience.

Years ago, my horizon had been so broadened that I was ironically too open-minded about my own chances and how people would see me back in the States. The ready circumstances or chances I had to orchestrate the next steps was not how I imagined them to be. Perhaps my heart was just too much abroad. Perhaps, I was unfortunate not to get the chances I needed in time.

I did work. I became ill and after finally getting better in the ER and hospital, I leaned towards what was supposedly stable though dulling to my senses. Unfortunately, the work was similar to what I only wanted to do for a little time when I moved to this area years ago, before doing more with international development. I was at another non-profit trade association and unfortunately, I became skillful at the department in which I worked and my knowledge of the operations as I was inclined to do. I imagine most of us are inclined to master our day-to-day responsibility and what is expected of us, so I became proficient at those operations and once again unfortunately, my tenure geared more towards the inner workings of a trade association. Perhaps in a fortunate way, I had to seek out my own international endeavors and my life still mirrored the experiences I sought out during and after my college years. My friends were international and locally from different backgrounds and I was friends with those who represented the mainstream and my own minority background as well.

Perhaps seeking out my own development work here and disaster relief abroad has molded me into being more appreciative of what I have been able to do and kept me from being burned out. Now I get the chance to select from a second passion and do that as I travel. Still, I recall the confusion of coming back and trying to make everything fit and employers keeping me to the box that I submitted to as well because though the work was something to which I was acclimated and had many perks, this was not my first choice. I dedicated about 15 years to organizations that did not truly speak to me. Thank goodness for travel, cool coworkers, other interests on the side and a willpower, though delayed at times, which will not let go.

Some time before

February 26, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

Time suddenly contracted: Giving my landlord a 30-day notice without having another place where I would be returning, donating my car, leaving a temporary job where they wanted to hire me permanently. The decisions were necessary in my view but also so final.

They were more freeing than I would expect. I comforted myself with the ideas of facility and availability. How easy did I think it would be to return to the US and start working again, rent a new apartment, and just have to take the bus, train, or my feet everywhere. How simple. Leaving the way I did, I had to suspect there was some element of ease to my return, when I did return. I was incorrect in some of my perspective, but it got me to this.

Sometimes I have to take one opportunity cost or more so I can see some of my inspiration turn into life.

The final steps, which I decided were necessary, got me to my alternate opportunities though they also urged more second thoughts. I had to keep some greater fears to myself. I was surprised this was finally happening. My dream to travel and help people abroad was beginning. My experiences also gave me more ease in places I would later visit in the future. For the first time, as a volunteer’s journey, as the elements played out in real life, my mind so easily told me to stop and accept the tried and true and reminded me that I could be giving up security, safety, and putting friendships on pause and perhaps even a budding romance. The more I did, the more I had to go. Some of the time when people repeated what I said I was going to do with surprise, I was inwardly convincing myself of the finality of my plans as well. Sometimes, one just knows the last circumstance needed is twin doubts.

If I left the comfortable grind of everyday life, what would happen to me. Did I have a place? It was safe to say I would be bunking in Peru for the next immediate months and who knew after. I also did not know my fellow volunteers/new friends/travelers would have me wanting to explore more of this other side of South America. So there I was in a mixture of my own dreams and my own making. I was scared. I could barely wait.

When I describe leaving the comfortable grind, I had to remind myself there was a grind I needed to address in not realizing some other aspirations. My stability is alright but interestingly does not help with my mental balance and security is not the easiest element to focus on when wondering about a path I had imagined myself taking long ago. I even felt a little late but was happy I was going. I had found and applied to the one group I felt would fit me well (boy would I be curiously surprised when I encountered them on a Friday night in between volunteering shifts.😊

I was going and staying and about to get some interesting insights on staying a little longer and maybe even for the duration down the line.

Progress. Weather Permitting.

January 31, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson
Image Credit by Mesym of Pixabay

Relying on my resilience to go the next route, especially as I am reminded there is a difference between contentment and complacency. Work on my own is good but it can be better, like other elements of life. They can be good. I cannot complain but they can be better. Therefore, hold me accountable to hitting the road virtually and otherwise doing what is truly required.

I can be gracious and want more, realizing a lot of us do not note how much we deserve or are capable of completing.

Life feeds us challenges in circumstances and people, not even so clever. We may even let them believe they are clever (picking our battles) and for me, navigating some of the gloom and those who just cannot bring themselves to believe in me is a challenge. I imagine the challenge this must present in a lot of people’s experiences. Even those who believe in mediocre accomplishments for you can detract from your natural fans and the support system you do have; those people who you may incidentally sometimes not notice as much, because there is no need to defend or prove yourself to them. I try to focus more on the supporters these days; the people who expect a lot and are impressed by what I’ve experienced, completed, and what the future may hold. Hopefully everyone has those people. They do not or refuse to know another version of you.

Was resilience taught? Maybe acquired. Mario Bros said a lot about me. Interesting. Oddly. Obsessively? Work followed by reward. I still believe in efforts and returns and enjoying the challenge (in a lot of instances) and the satisfaction of coming out ahead. Such a simple hard concept but I was driven to lean into it. The song I noted in the post You Are Here taught me this, but then again also maybe this was just another highlight to the ideology I was getting on how working hard pays off.

Of course, one learns differently and sometimes roughly of how the concept is not always true. Yet, the ideal theory seems to also work and how can we not have some faith in that. People with real talent become stars and athletes and star athletes. Movies and books teach us to identify with the happy honest outcome, keen on integrity, and we see the possibility. Hope is necessary.

So I’m turning over this level of achievement and the next pages require even more refinement even if there are some moments I temporarily feel defeated (naturally – thinking I have given in). Sometimes I just need a moment and then I’m hitting the pavement again in person and virtually mostly as it gets safer, putting myself more out there in my freelance and other work. Couldn’t I have infinite chances just so long as I can press pause and/or keep starting the level over. Oh sigh at not being Mario, perhaps, but I will work with what I got.😉

meet me anywhere

DECEMBER 28, 2021 BY CASSANDRA JOHNSON

I made my way slowly back to the capital of Lima in Peru. I knew I had to be there in time for my return flight to the US. I had extended my stay and booked a later flight. I fully believed the people who warned me I was going to experience a reverse culture shock. I was struck by it during my first layover. I did not know how to describe the feeling that came over me in the East Coast airport, but it enveloped me in its starkness. I knew I was conditioned to being a Westerner and missed certain experiences which were uniquely home, but some roots also took hold of me when I was my in my home away from home. For some time, my native US was a bit overwhelming. While I had missed it, I now missed South America too.

Image Credit by Ernesto Rodriguez on Pixabay

Oh digress. For the time being I was soaking in my last days in Peru, creating my own stresses and enjoying my life too. The battle of human nature. There were still a lot of things I wanted to enjoy and experiences with which I insisted on challenging myself.

I spent quite a lot of my last days in Lima near Surco in an area that was known to be unsafe. For safety sake I take the moment to advise that Miraflores is one of the safest and nicest areas you will want to find yourself in for a quick or long stay. Surco can also be very nice, but some spots came with warnings from local friends and acquaintances.

I was near Surco visiting a friend who I became close to during my stay in the city of Cusco in Peru. She lived in the hostel which was mostly composed of us volunteers doing work at the school for neglected youth. She happened to not be volunteering in Cusco but with her living in the same spot, we became close and bonded even more as I told her the unique experience of where I had been – what it was like to be gritty and real in Pisco. I felt a bit responsible honestly for what turned into the accident she would experience there. She wanted to experience and take part in the organization there in Pisco because of my talk although she may say it was a combination of what others talked about as well and her own interests. She also noted (or maybe others did), her accident which landed her in a hospital in Lima where I coincidentally was able to visit her every day was a result of leisure time on a bar’s weak rooftop. There were a few bars we frequented there. Still, I was sad to see her in a hospital bed unable to walk and going through the process of healing before she would finally be able to do so again.

I was also just happy to see her, glad we were together again, filled with some degree of hopeful relief and remembering how she was with us for some of the time on those 3 am to 6 am outings in Cusco’s Plaza de Armas. That was life then and I never imagined the road she would have taken from there to Pisco and finally to this modern capital city.

Any given day

DECEMBER 22, 2021 BY CASSANDRA JOHNSON

The familiarity of the unusual. I made fast friends with a couple at Machu Picchu after we had just been toured around by a guide who inquired if we wanted to be taken through the world wonder together. Going it alone and learning would have been fine but there was a nice touch to officially hearing history and stories from him and the other tour groups along the way. As her boyfriend took a hike there after the tour, the girlfriend and I sat in the cafe discussing our travels. I thought how nicely the day had been salvaged (see my agitated and first wonder of the world recap). After all, I was not supposed to be alone but I had lost my original official tour and hiking package earlier that day.

About a month in, I had a fairly decent idea of an agenda after Pisco, Ica (departing from my initial decision to stay there throughout my entire time in South America) and I was already in Cusco, Machu Picchu. I had a good idea of the cities and countries I wanted to find myself in, but I was saving room for spontaneity too and even delays. You have to expect delays and other possible issues as well.

I also realized I was not ready for my time to be limited. As I spoke with my tour buddy, she talked about Argentina. Her home country was now my invitation. She wrote her address and contact information so neatly. The thing about this time is how I knew her offer was not empty. She fully meant if I made it to Argentina on this volunteer and now backpacking mission, I should visit her and her boyfriend there.

How absurd if I happened upon this information now, right? How unreasonable if I tried to link up with them, but somehow someway in another world and time and perspective, life has taught me it can be uniquely surprising. I never even considered I would go to Cuba, especially considering the barriers, but I was there in several cities over ten days. It may not be entirely insane and normal to see the Argentinian couple again. I am still close to a lot of people, so it makes more sense to see them with detailed plans. So while I have no possible plans to recount those memories together with the friendly pair, I see their invitation as symbolic of the many people I have met and will continue to meet.

My international itinerary stays Argentina bound now for the moment, fully expecting it be part of some repeat visits as Peru has come to be.

No need to apply pressure. No need to take on too much anymore, similar to how some jobs expect you to be wholly self-sacrificing. (Oops sorry: the flashbacks)

No need to be under additional strain, especially not needing to live experiences as a check list per se. Check lists help me regularly but I am ruling out some practices which have shown up unnecessarily, at least where I can help it.

Life is not easy in a lot of ways, but we can also make hard work out of too many expectations and inner and outside pressures. We can do better and cheers to other avenues coming our way.

Then it’s gone

November 30, 2021 BY CASSANDRA JOHNSON

I was sad to leave Cusco but a big part of me was ready. The volunteer work I did during the weekdays there was so different from the work we did in Pisco, so I had some affirmation that I was drawn to the right place when I did my first volunteer work abroad and signed up to do reconstruction work in Pisco, Peru. (I felt I could have stayed for even longer).

I realized Pisco still seems like going back to a second home as I was able to finally revisit.

Reconstruction work was so different from my office job at the time. The work was different for a lot of us, and we wanted it that way. The work was also something people would not expect or recall I had signed up to do. Some people still forget. They think of gigs like teaching English and though I have been involved in ESL, there is something more innate in me when I look at natural disaster recovery. Still yanking at me is the empowerment of both the workers and those who have been struggling to overcome what is so seemingly daunting.

Perhaps because of some struggles I have had in my also knowingly privileged life in the US, I wonder about all the work people can do if they have a chance not to have to worry about meeting their basic needs and furthermore what can happen when they participate in the transition.

After work in Cusco and a lot of play and exploration of historic and beautiful surroundings, I was almost ready to come back to D.C. Almost.

Awake

November 29, 2021 BY CASSANDRA JOHNSON

The attention on my way to the Cuban restaurant on a recent Friday night reminded me of the feeling of casually going out most evenings after volunteering in Cusco, Peru. At the time, the crew was now my three or four closest comrades (being that I had left the scores of volunteer friends in Pisco). We would regularly go the bars and clubs on Cusco’s plaza every night and stay out anywhere between about 3 to 6 am. There were some quieter evenings inside watching a movie, chatting or simply eating out but we most casually spent nights chilling and or dancing to deejays or live music at La Lek, Mama Africa or some other bar/club in the Plaza de Armas (quite different and reminiscent of the other Plaza de Armas – other main squares in L. America). This was easily our stomping ground between volunteering and touring the city.

Only in those cases, (different from this recent November chilly night), imagine replacing the guy on the bus (who had a nice Jamaican accent) with guys from Argentina and Chile who regularly pass through Peru on their “holiday”. Interesting how something unique can become interestingly common. It would be unusual for us not to get approached by a couple of guys from these regions at least a few times an evening or night and the nice thing about traveling to one place is getting even more exposure to other places from visitors outside the current country you’re in and your own. That was Cusco on any night. We had a lot of wandering aspirations in common with our sometimes dance partners or just fellow tourists – and some interesting ideas not so in common.

There was one guy I particularly liked. Now it seems like a lifetime ago. Some moments stick and some people leave quite the impression.

Getting out recently was a reminder of life to come. With my new work arrangement, I am also not on the subway or bus as much – so getting there was more a reminder of the nice convenience more than the necessary part of my life it was to get to my old job. After chatting with another guy (very young), who wanted my number and finally catching up with a friend over good drinks and food, I am ready for the randomness plus camaraderie. After safely getting use to a life a lockdown, it is nice to be back in the midst of people, enjoying good company and diverse cuisines. Dancing is the probably the last thing missing, (at least for now), the familiarity of taking music back from just workouts. Life is promising again, as it always can be with new seasons or just new days. I am reawakening to some potential I had to put on hold.

You Are Here

SEPTEMBER 30, 2021 BY CASSANDRA JOHNSON

Discouragement is part of the territory. Sometimes pain is self-inflicted. Sometimes we consider ourselves not to be reaching enough of our goals fast enough.

There was an incredibly simple song I enjoyed in primary school. Beginning with “little by little”*, there was such a polite nudge and a naturally successful logic to the ending of “little by lot”

I have been known to overwork in some fashions, obsessively moving towards some ends. However, I have become wiser in avoiding so much additional strain. The bruises have their own lessons.

Life’s leaps have not been exactly what I would imagine them to be, but I am fortunate to have the freedom to test my limits.

Work has been my latest attempt but getting to work for myself took considerable courage and I need some more. Nothing is certain.

Imagining exactly what something is like before you try is not expected. Personally, going away to college was one thing. Moving to a city where I did not know anyone was another.

Liberation and fears are included with your steps forward. You get discouraged some days and on other days you see your dreams as plausible.

Experiences up or down can hopefully change us for the better. My stress and pains have prepared me a little more. Discouragement can also have a way of giving us more to consider. Can we get past our believed and true obstacles? Success is the reminder.

Traveling alone to another country was better than I could have ever invented in my head. The trips like the leaps sometimes feel so natural. I have had these nudges to continue going where my goals are shifting and the what-ifs torment me way more than what seems impossible.

Figuring out our own puzzles is reaffirming as well as just giving ourselves the chance to try.

And Again

SEPTEMBER 28, 2021 BY CASSANDRA JOHNSON

I finally got the chance to visit my family again since lockdown. The visit was much needed. I first talked about the gift of getting to see them here. You May Go Home Again.

Now I just need to get there more often.

I need to get there as often as I plan to travel abroad again. Navigating this new world is tricky. I was at first uneasy about flying for the first time since the pandemic, but the airline and airport was pretty organized. It would be nice if we had reached a definitive goal in which we could all be sure or almost certain that we could not get ill, but uncertainty has lingered with us for what seems longer than 2 years. 2020 remains surreal to me. Life still feels adjacent because I think we may have also thought there would be a clear point when we could go without certain precautions, when cases would be mild. I imagine there could be a day when we see this but now the picture looks a lot more like adjusting to the new normal.

Being able to do more cautiously has been comforting. Knowing there is a lot to get through is daunting. Maybe life is not knowing exactly what we need to do next yet and figuring out our most responsible alternatives as we go.

Connection is needed and I am glad I got to do some more this past month. A variety of connection is needed, and better answers are welcome. We can be assured and admit what we do not always know. So I personally imagine I will keep making new decisions as I go. The path may not always be clear. The destination still calls us there.

Good Health

AUGUST 25, 2021 BY CASSANDRA JOHNSON

I think I have determined for me and some others, we may crave more variety than we know, hence the empty feeling of falling into a rut. What we may need is challenging work, a type of routine, dependability, spontaneity, vacation, and rest in different amounts depending on what drives us. Too much of one at any time has left us stuck, I am seeing.

Image Credit: Gerd Alrmann

We may crave variety more than we know while we also need stability. The wistful feeling of falling into some monotony while establishing a reliable routine became more apparent to me recently as routines became incredibly routine. I did not mind doing what was needed but I began to see how we all have to really take care of ourselves and have the proper outlets, entertainment, and recuperation.

In the natural flow of life, I found I seek comforts but also want to be challenged. I want to be pleasantly surprised, feeling safe with some place where I can continue to take risks.

Just when there has been enough rest and vacation, I actually find it nice to have the challenge of fulfilling work where I am accomplishing something.

Just when feeling like work is relentless and not wanting to deal with any stress that comes with communicating work politics and meeting proper deadlines, a nice getaway filled with idyllic scenery is a great touch or a staycation is a nice reset.

Within the layers, we can revel in a night out with friends dancing and laughing or a quiet walk outside with just a headset in tow. Working from a different part of my home office or mixing remote work with office work when I was still at my last company, I began to look forward to both and the change in scenery. Inserting some variety helped me appreciate the options. Distinguishing between what I prefer and what I do not like, which could also change, fit my big picture.

A healthy emotional state can be hard to maintain and should not be expected. We remember being “only human” and “there is no such thing as perfection” but those sentiments still seem rejected, striving in ways that sometimes are not perfectly attainable and forgetting some significant wins.

We still have a lot of possibilities for what life may bring and I would like to find my way by mixing it up. Variety, it’s true, is the spice of life*. Even in our interests, we should consider uncovering as much as we can.