Category: travel blog

The Uninhibited Life

May 31, 2022 By Cassandra Johnson

You could choose to be like someone else or dare to be true to yourself. The irony is that in a space where you have your daily habits, routines and responsibilities, you might find yourself being less in tune with yourself in many ways as you try to follow rules, norms, expectations, and possible perceptions.

What is one interesting natural alternative to quickly meeting your authenticity?

Travel.

No one generally knows us where we are going to go yet. Therefore…

We could reinvent or we could reconnect.

I soon realized part of enjoying getaways also lent to getting back to being a free spirit.

The next backdrop turned me towards Cusco. Home of Machu Picchu and my new home. From Arequipa to here, I was less afraid of who I really was and all too familiar with doing what was different. I was homesick in part but in an extreme level of comfort under my own skin. As the nomad minority traveler, I was feeling rather stable and different. I felt my new friends felt it too. We could be a little wild in exploring and likewise be adventurous in just being true to who we really were. What were our own unique styles, expressions and desires?

I’m not from New York, Vegas, New Orleans or similar parts of the US (only a visitor to even livelier cities). I now was able to regularly enjoy that dancing all night meant until 6 am. It just happened to be in Cusco and there were no differences from weekdays to weekends. Chill nights of course had their place too.

Normal life now also meant easy access to some amazing nature and historical settings. Whether it was an hour or about a half-day outing to somewhere like Sacred Valley or Sacsayhuaman, we got countless chances to plan some historic trips and get the connection to what was once Incan empires and other indigenous living. Everyday surroundings were still infused with them. We got the pleasure of befriending 3 native gentleman who would gift us with impromptu Quechua lessons and uninhibited also meant hanging out with them in the plaza, at any given time.

Teaching on weekdays, while challenging at times, also meant a carefree vibe as we connected with local children and who knew how intense our energy reserves could be, even still dancing the night away.

Most of us just traveling, volunteering or doing both, from different walks of life were transported to this place with some similar objectives.

More rooted in curiosity, appreciation, aspiration and even fatigue lent to our lack of inhibition, which ironically to me did not always necessarily mean sheer abandon but rather a heightened comfort with our true feelings and wishes, a step back from various shields we would wear to get through our normal routines back home.

Normal routines had their comforts and authenticity, but I was realizing the varying types of discipline commanded in work, church, an even how to behave leisurely was easily inhibiting. I welcomed the gentle reminder traveling in the States or abroad could bring. Nothing had to be perfect. The misadventures, gloom, and danger have happened. I just know sometimes taking a break from the autopilot has its freedoms too.

Where we were

May 29, 2022 By Cassandra Johnson

They told us to be prepared for tremors and something else even more destructive. Still we carried on with our days: Morning briefings before heading out to various volunteer projects. Breakfast together prepared by different groups of us on various days. Lunch on our own or sometimes graciously offered by whom we were assisting. Dinner in the evening again (taking turns preparing that for the group as well.) Sometimes we might venture further for dinner, but weekday time was a bit limited. We made up for that on 1 and a half day weekends and some other nights.

The daily structure only varied in the inner details, including socializing, and some illness. Remote South America. Who knew what the day could bring even when we were warned about it.  We got comfortable with very little comfort. We remained motivated only faltering in our fatigue and natural human errors, working and chilling, while our distinctly wild yet generous behaviors played out amongst one another.

This weekday morning felt about the same but somehow also seemed a little off. We now lived in an earthquake zone. Our projects were centered around that recovery. Still when I felt the structure shaking around me in my 4-person room, nothing odd occurred to me except, why was there such an early disturbance. I knew there was a guy selling some items in transit and yelling (always way too early) but it wasn’t him. I also knew there could be the random odd noises. There was the nearby rooster, yet this was so not the rooster. I kind of got the sense this was some kind of city work vehicle and in my sleepy daze, I curiously (and strangely) wondered why a truck was driving through our house.

Just by chance, I had sat up moments earlier. Maybe that was a sixth sense. Perhaps I would have been more dazed had the rumbling been the first event rousing me. Less than two seconds later, I realized the feeling was the earth moving and cursed one emphatic time, as I pulled my sleeping back down towards my ankle (the sleeping bags were a cozy and hygienic addition to our bunk beds sometimes).  Of course, somehow, mine got hung up around my ankles. I slowed my pace and moved into mechanical mode, knowing step by step what I at least felt I needed to do. Naturally, I looked a few paces across from me to see what was happening in the other two bunk beds. My roommate, in the bunkbed below me, seemed to be long gone. I noticed her sleeping bag had been flung across the room. I was oddly amused at that scene but then…  

What ensued had to be one of the funniest scariest moments I had yet to witness. You don’t often get those two feelings in tandem. We can all do strange, or let’s just say, interesting things during a crisis. We can be good at emergencies and likewise have odd ideas sporadically pop into our heads. I was witnessing this, before any of us could even fathom our regular breakfast meeting, when I looked below to the small center of the room and saw my closest volunteer friend Margaret. Like me, she was also moving mechanically, rushing over to one of our two shared desks and rushing in the direction of the door. These moments were still startling but then, suddenly, our fourth roommate decided her best bet was to jump off her top bunk instead of traversing the several ladder steps which could also get her below. She promptly misaimed and landed on top of Margaret. The two of them were now on the floor. We would ask her later why she hadn’t taken those steps and apparently, humorously, and even courageously, she thought it made more sense at the time and would be faster. Now we all realized this made it take a little longer, as they recovered, and we got our bearings as much as could be expected. I felt even more endeared to her because she was now making sure Margaret was okay and taking command of the situation, telling us all to hurry and get out.

We were now where we needed to be after some interesting but notably organized action. We were between our place and Gabriela’s home who doubled as a mother figure to many of us (a great maker of cakes and provider of other services if we needed it). She was having a good laugh, noticing all the bare feet and bare legs of the guys who filed out into the safe zone. The tremors had subsided and now many of them were noticing the mosquitos thoroughly enjoying the skin exposed from the shortish shorts they either slept in or selected to wear in their haste.

I was glad Gabriella could laugh. True entrepreneur by the way. She was in the group of locals who shared the reaction of this being barely anything compared to the devastating earthquake years earlier. Other people feeling the trauma were understandably very upset, saddened and brought back to the time when the massive earthquake had leveled the city. We were fine but it did bring to mind that going through those few minutes walking across a shaky ground had been 10 times more intense for them. How unreal for them to have experienced what destroyed homes and infrastructure and sadly took lives. This was a reminder of why we came. Along with the residents, we were a part of overcoming destruction and now at breakfast, as my roommates and I chuckled over our initial reactions in our room just a bit ago, we were happy for the chance we had to be here. There was fortune in our gratefulness for survival and commemoration. There was fortune in our ability to enjoy one another and the friends we now had and have in Pisco.

By chance

April 30, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

Kat said I should stay in the room with fewer people. (At this time in our life, fewer people meant 4) The thought seems so funny now. What seems so small when I look around my spacious apartment today was suddenly luxury in contrast to the other rooms available.

Back then, I grew accustomed to situations that were mainly just housing/homes in the midst of a lot of outside activity. There were hostels with just enough room and shared bathrooms and shared responsibilities and maybe circumstances did not matter so much then because we were younger (not necessarily young, some of us but not all, but just being younger in general) and maybe because we knew how fortunate we were to be in a situation where we could help others, maybe because this was temporary, and maybe just because we were on a mission. We could forget luxuries and space and privacy we had left in our originating homes.

Instant acceptance and understanding came through just Kat’s messages alone before we got to this in-person decision. Much more than the instant relief we were receiving from being impromptu traveling companions, I knew she was more than cool and gracious in the current goals we shared, and in our breaks (her from school life and me from work), we wanted to do something else that we felt needed to be done. We opened ourselves up to learning more about this region and naturally ourselves. Neither of us had a background in construction but were afforded the opportunity to be around a few people who happened to have this and to use our own unique skills and training in various ways.

I took her up on the room offering. The vacancies were proposed to us at the same time and her perspective made sense. Our first night was spent in a temporary space at a nearby hostel and there was even less room there. Yet, our hosts were gracious and sweet. We were happy to be safe and warm after a stiff bus trip. During that night, we had walked back over to hang out with the rest of the volunteers in the main house (more in Pleasantly Confused). We were surprised, we did not even need to meet the expectation we had to grow into our initial condensed space. We were quickly given the options of the proposed four-person room and her more occupied one just one day later.

She would be there for a few weeks to my intended six months although now I know I would be fine in a number of spaces, either way. In so many ways, I would be okay in a number of spaces and a bit stronger for being open to what was offered. What I saw was not always pleasant but added to my disposition and a lot was indeed beautiful. Kat had coincidentally helped me to the best place for me at the time, to one of my closest friends, who I will always adore.

I could have automatically disregarded my own comfort (as I sometimes tend to gravitate) and there may have been a different story and an opportunity missed but I was learning to take care of myself a little better while taking care of others. We need to be able to do both.

First

April 28, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

We headed to the beach. I was surprised we were so close (within walking distance) but totally expecting it from the travel literature I had seen in and around Pisco, Paracas and the surrounding area.

The boardwalk was damaged in a lot of places and definitely indicative that we were living in two spaces of natural disaster damages and natural beauty.

I walked gingerly with Sana as the rest of our companions (4 or so other volunteers) strolled along beside us and sometimes wandered ahead or fell behind. Local people were laughing, enjoying the sun, swinging their feet off the pier, enjoying wide open spaces. Life was free. I accidentally left my sandals on the boardwalk above us as Sana helped me climb down and the strangers above smilingly shook their heads that, no they were not going to hand them down at Sana’s request. We all giggled. They tossed them gently down and I continued holding them as Sana and I wandered along the sand.

I knew this city (at times also considered much like a town) was not well off and I was honored to be a part of the rebuilding. I was pleased to relax a little and additionally it was not lost on me at all how savory Peruvian food could be. Perhaps that is one of the misplaced reasons I mistakenly fell for Sana a little too quickly with overwhelmed senses and sentiments over dinner with him and my friend. Perhaps but no regrets, either. Only more chapters and sobering lessons learned, and I still recall that one of my first delicious meals in Pisco was with him and her.

These were my first few days in South America. Life happened so fast after a childhood of dreaming of travels. I could barely believe all that would transpire in one day, each day, between hanging out, volunteer projects, amazing food, and of course from time to time, getting ill. Lucky for the moment I did not get ill right away after my first few weeks, but Nasa was local and did have some ways of shielding me.

Romance? Deceptions. Both false and true in my travels that followed. Momentarily, the results were yet to be seen but it was fun being friends with him and knowing him for the time being. I never regret meeting him along the way with so many other true friends plus romances and/or escapades to come. Everything in due time and in good spirit and lessons learned. Celebration and anger existed on the same surfaces and with the full range of emotions, we have to look around everyday and be pleased we are human enough to feel everything and appreciate the healthiness of accepting it all.

To all the kind souls

March 31, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

The news highlights sad truths. I too can speak to tragedies and warn there are so many instances when your best interests are not considered, or people take advantage of you.

I can still further warn you of scams especially while you are traveling. We all know there are a lot of instances when you have to be extra vigilant. Work on your timing. Remember safety in numbers. Et cetera.

Still, you have to think, how would we be anywhere at all if life was as dire as the never ending saga, the news tunes us into each day. Even they burn out into feel-good pieces and highlight some semblance of happy endings and justice. I will give them their credit due.

The day’s trip started late for Kat and me. The thought was for us to be cautious. Both her parents and my family were relieved we met in the Peruvian capital so we could take the four-hour bus ride together into the remote desert. Before that, we had never met. She also was in the Facebook group of people who would be volunteering for disaster recovery. My friend back in DC suggested I reach out to see if there were any other people going my way to the town on the same day. After Juan of Spain, who I was also yet to meet was unable to make the flight, she had responded to me and interestingly, for all the precautions we may have leaned into, we were always safe in the company of strangers from point A to B. Since there are some hard stories of people being scammed, cheated, and far worse (all over the world, mind you), we are right to think about this everywhere, but we are not right if we give into fears and think the worse.

The position we were in was mainly trying to follow the advice for guarding possessions in which we had to rely on each other. There are some bus companies that are better than others and we could only take a bus after our respective flights to the capital the day prior. We were looking to each other for information and  direction. We had a lot mapped out from the organization’s information and on our own but going through the motions in person is a whole other level. She was happy I speak Spanish.

Still interesting, once we posed the one question about our potential 3rd of 4 stops along the way, several passengers from the area were especially attentive of us getting off at our proper destination.

Image credit by Pexels

For all the moments we are forewarned about being taken advantage of and of people not caring, there are so many more thoughtful people and actions through which we remain afloat.  People feel a need, on their own, or through organized moments to help people in wars, conflicts and against lack or resources. For all the variety in the different calls to lend a helping hand in the moment in what is seemingly small or not, for each moment someone feels called upon, we can be appreciative.  There are a number of actions I cannot even began to imagine doing which other people do naturally. What is equally inspiring is just being more willing to be helpful or friendly in our everyday encounters. Customer service associates could really use it. A stranger down on their luck may not even expect it. (I’m reminded of my younger brother recently telling me how he was able to help a coworker who was locked out of his car).

I have a further thought of what catalysts our behaviors can be and how powerful we are when we do not easily think we are. When I was younger, I remember the Quarreling Book was pretty spot on, with its impending domino effect that led from one person upsetting another until the cycle proved to be rather pleasantly effective in reverse.

Kat and I could depend on the kindness of strangers that day. Moments before and after that, I found such dependence became a necessity.

Save the plethora of ulterior motives that leave us vulnerable, there must be twice as many people and circumstances where people are doing even minor things to help someone along the way, towards their own teamwork or just being willing to do so for no particular individual gain.

Even for all the snarky and disgruntled moments, which seemingly assert themselves, there have been way more or enough of the alternative ones to keep us trusting with a healthy amount of vigilance. Kind regards to all the kind souls who want to see you get where you are going, literally and otherwise.

Distracted

March 28 by Cassandra Johnson

I am in the Politics and Prose bookstore, in my now DC neighborhood and I wander to the back wall of the travel section.

The last time I was there, I picked up the Lonely Planet edition of Cuba, a book showcasing the off-the beaten-path places to see in the country which still are noted accordingly, and the ones which are not because of the ironic knowledge. Still I like both the tried and true and the little known.

Going back to the office was challenging after 10 days in Cuba, however this was never so real as how I felt after living in Peru and Bolivia.

Not being ready to be back in the US and facing off with the reverse culture shock I had been forewarned about, I realized I could temporarily transition back by staying in a traveler’s hostel before securing another DC apartment. I would also continue my search for desired NGO and/or development work which I was for now more certain I had the field experience.

Years ago, my horizon had been so broadened that I was ironically too open-minded about my own chances and how people would see me back in the States. The ready circumstances or chances I had to orchestrate the next steps was not how I imagined them to be. Perhaps my heart was just too much abroad. Perhaps, I was unfortunate not to get the chances I needed in time.

I did work. I became ill and after finally getting better in the ER and hospital, I leaned towards what was supposedly stable though dulling to my senses. Unfortunately, the work was similar to what I only wanted to do for a little time when I moved to this area years ago, before doing more with international development. I was at another non-profit trade association and unfortunately, I became skillful at the department in which I worked and my knowledge of the operations as I was inclined to do. I imagine most of us are inclined to master our day-to-day responsibility and what is expected of us, so I became proficient at those operations and once again unfortunately, my tenure geared more towards the inner workings of a trade association. Perhaps in a fortunate way, I had to seek out my own international endeavors and my life still mirrored the experiences I sought out during and after my college years. My friends were international and locally from different backgrounds and I was friends with those who represented the mainstream and my own minority background as well.

Perhaps seeking out my own development work here and disaster relief abroad has molded me into being more appreciative of what I have been able to do and kept me from being burned out. Now I get the chance to select from a second passion and do that as I travel. Still, I recall the confusion of coming back and trying to make everything fit and employers keeping me to the box that I submitted to as well because though the work was something to which I was acclimated and had many perks, this was not my first choice. I dedicated about 15 years to organizations that did not truly speak to me. Thank goodness for travel, cool coworkers, other interests on the side and a willpower, though delayed at times, which will not let go.

Some time before

February 26, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

Time suddenly contracted: Giving my landlord a 30-day notice without having another place where I would be returning, donating my car, leaving a temporary job where they wanted to hire me permanently. The decisions were necessary in my view but also so final.

They were more freeing than I would expect. I comforted myself with the ideas of facility and availability. How easy did I think it would be to return to the US and start working again, rent a new apartment, and just have to take the bus, train, or my feet everywhere. How simple. Leaving the way I did, I had to suspect there was some element of ease to my return, when I did return. I was incorrect in some of my perspective, but it got me to this.

Sometimes I have to take one opportunity cost or more so I can see some of my inspiration turn into life.

The final steps, which I decided were necessary, got me to my alternate opportunities though they also urged more second thoughts. I had to keep some greater fears to myself. I was surprised this was finally happening. My dream to travel and help people abroad was beginning. My experiences also gave me more ease in places I would later visit in the future. For the first time, as a volunteer’s journey, as the elements played out in real life, my mind so easily told me to stop and accept the tried and true and reminded me that I could be giving up security, safety, and putting friendships on pause and perhaps even a budding romance. The more I did, the more I had to go. Some of the time when people repeated what I said I was going to do with surprise, I was inwardly convincing myself of the finality of my plans as well. Sometimes, one just knows the last circumstance needed is twin doubts.

If I left the comfortable grind of everyday life, what would happen to me. Did I have a place? It was safe to say I would be bunking in Peru for the next immediate months and who knew after. I also did not know my fellow volunteers/new friends/travelers would have me wanting to explore more of this other side of South America. So there I was in a mixture of my own dreams and my own making. I was scared. I could barely wait.

When I describe leaving the comfortable grind, I had to remind myself there was a grind I needed to address in not realizing some other aspirations. My stability is alright but interestingly does not help with my mental balance and security is not the easiest element to focus on when wondering about a path I had imagined myself taking long ago. I even felt a little late but was happy I was going. I had found and applied to the one group I felt would fit me well (boy would I be curiously surprised when I encountered them on a Friday night in between volunteering shifts.😊

I was going and staying and about to get some interesting insights on staying a little longer and maybe even for the duration down the line.

Progress. Weather Permitting.

January 31, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson
Image Credit by Mesym of Pixabay

Relying on my resilience to go the next route, especially as I am reminded there is a difference between contentment and complacency. Work on my own is good but it can be better, like other elements of life. They can be good. I cannot complain but they can be better. Therefore, hold me accountable to hitting the road virtually and otherwise doing what is truly required.

I can be gracious and want more, realizing a lot of us do not note how much we deserve or are capable of completing.

Life feeds us challenges in circumstances and people, not even so clever. We may even let them believe they are clever (picking our battles) and for me, navigating some of the gloom and those who just cannot bring themselves to believe in me is a challenge. I imagine the challenge this must present in a lot of people’s experiences. Even those who believe in mediocre accomplishments for you can detract from your natural fans and the support system you do have; those people who you may incidentally sometimes not notice as much, because there is no need to defend or prove yourself to them. I try to focus more on the supporters these days; the people who expect a lot and are impressed by what I’ve experienced, completed, and what the future may hold. Hopefully everyone has those people. They do not or refuse to know another version of you.

Was resilience taught? Maybe acquired. Mario Bros said a lot about me. Interesting. Oddly. Obsessively? Work followed by reward. I still believe in efforts and returns and enjoying the challenge (in a lot of instances) and the satisfaction of coming out ahead. Such a simple hard concept but I was driven to lean into it. The song I noted in the post You Are Here taught me this, but then again also maybe this was just another highlight to the ideology I was getting on how working hard pays off.

Of course, one learns differently and sometimes roughly of how the concept is not always true. Yet, the ideal theory seems to also work and how can we not have some faith in that. People with real talent become stars and athletes and star athletes. Movies and books teach us to identify with the happy honest outcome, keen on integrity, and we see the possibility. Hope is necessary.

So I’m turning over this level of achievement and the next pages require even more refinement even if there are some moments I temporarily feel defeated (naturally – thinking I have given in). Sometimes I just need a moment and then I’m hitting the pavement again in person and virtually mostly as it gets safer, putting myself more out there in my freelance and other work. Couldn’t I have infinite chances just so long as I can press pause and/or keep starting the level over. Oh sigh at not being Mario, perhaps, but I will work with what I got.😉

meet me anywhere

DECEMBER 28, 2021 BY CASSANDRA JOHNSON

I made my way slowly back to the capital of Lima in Peru. I knew I had to be there in time for my return flight to the US. I had extended my stay and booked a later flight. I fully believed the people who warned me I was going to experience a reverse culture shock. I was struck by it during my first layover. I did not know how to describe the feeling that came over me in the East Coast airport, but it enveloped me in its starkness. I knew I was conditioned to being a Westerner and missed certain experiences which were uniquely home, but some roots also took hold of me when I was my in my home away from home. For some time, my native US was a bit overwhelming. While I had missed it, I now missed South America too.

Image Credit by Ernesto Rodriguez on Pixabay

Oh digress. For the time being I was soaking in my last days in Peru, creating my own stresses and enjoying my life too. The battle of human nature. There were still a lot of things I wanted to enjoy and experiences with which I insisted on challenging myself.

I spent quite a lot of my last days in Lima near Surco in an area that was known to be unsafe. For safety sake I take the moment to advise that Miraflores is one of the safest and nicest areas you will want to find yourself in for a quick or long stay. Surco can also be very nice, but some spots came with warnings from local friends and acquaintances.

I was near Surco visiting a friend who I became close to during my stay in the city of Cusco in Peru. She lived in the hostel which was mostly composed of us volunteers doing work at the school for neglected youth. She happened to not be volunteering in Cusco but with her living in the same spot, we became close and bonded even more as I told her the unique experience of where I had been – what it was like to be gritty and real in Pisco. I felt a bit responsible honestly for what turned into the accident she would experience there. She wanted to experience and take part in the organization there in Pisco because of my talk although she may say it was a combination of what others talked about as well and her own interests. She also noted (or maybe others did), her accident which landed her in a hospital in Lima where I coincidentally was able to visit her every day was a result of leisure time on a bar’s weak rooftop. There were a few bars we frequented there. Still, I was sad to see her in a hospital bed unable to walk and going through the process of healing before she would finally be able to do so again.

I was also just happy to see her, glad we were together again, filled with some degree of hopeful relief and remembering how she was with us for some of the time on those 3 am to 6 am outings in Cusco’s Plaza de Armas. That was life then and I never imagined the road she would have taken from there to Pisco and finally to this modern capital city.

Any given day

DECEMBER 22, 2021 BY CASSANDRA JOHNSON

The familiarity of the unusual. I made fast friends with a couple at Machu Picchu after we had just been toured around by a guide who inquired if we wanted to be taken through the world wonder together. Going it alone and learning would have been fine but there was a nice touch to officially hearing history and stories from him and the other tour groups along the way. As her boyfriend took a hike there after the tour, the girlfriend and I sat in the cafe discussing our travels. I thought how nicely the day had been salvaged (see my agitated and first wonder of the world recap). After all, I was not supposed to be alone but I had lost my original official tour and hiking package earlier that day.

About a month in, I had a fairly decent idea of an agenda after Pisco, Ica (departing from my initial decision to stay there throughout my entire time in South America) and I was already in Cusco, Machu Picchu. I had a good idea of the cities and countries I wanted to find myself in, but I was saving room for spontaneity too and even delays. You have to expect delays and other possible issues as well.

I also realized I was not ready for my time to be limited. As I spoke with my tour buddy, she talked about Argentina. Her home country was now my invitation. She wrote her address and contact information so neatly. The thing about this time is how I knew her offer was not empty. She fully meant if I made it to Argentina on this volunteer and now backpacking mission, I should visit her and her boyfriend there.

How absurd if I happened upon this information now, right? How unreasonable if I tried to link up with them, but somehow someway in another world and time and perspective, life has taught me it can be uniquely surprising. I never even considered I would go to Cuba, especially considering the barriers, but I was there in several cities over ten days. It may not be entirely insane and normal to see the Argentinian couple again. I am still close to a lot of people, so it makes more sense to see them with detailed plans. So while I have no possible plans to recount those memories together with the friendly pair, I see their invitation as symbolic of the many people I have met and will continue to meet.

My international itinerary stays Argentina bound now for the moment, fully expecting it be part of some repeat visits as Peru has come to be.

No need to apply pressure. No need to take on too much anymore, similar to how some jobs expect you to be wholly self-sacrificing. (Oops sorry: the flashbacks)

No need to be under additional strain, especially not needing to live experiences as a check list per se. Check lists help me regularly but I am ruling out some practices which have shown up unnecessarily, at least where I can help it.

Life is not easy in a lot of ways, but we can also make hard work out of too many expectations and inner and outside pressures. We can do better and cheers to other avenues coming our way.