Category: travel

How To Go

November 30, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

Keep showing up. Keep checking in. What is it you really want to do? I repeat those encouraging words to myself although I have felt awkward these last couple of months. Awkward but excited.

I decided to be in venues by myself in addition to hanging out with friends and usually it is admittedly easier to have friends along with you. There are different levels. Museums and the like are easy places to go. Restaurants and sports bars have a different energy.

I am glad I showed up anyway as a matter of not always taxing my friends with my random plans and just as a matter of mixing it up, trying some new things nearby, relatively easy to get to or especially interesting to just me. Just chilling, I am never late nor early. I do at times feel like there is that initial customer radar, the passing glance of: “What’s her story?” “Date coming?” “Friend coming? “Stood up!” “Rowdy person?” Quiet one?” The radar subtly and not so subtly flickers out. Sometimes it doesn’t come, and servers and other employees are already pretty chill. What is intriguing is that I instantly feel more comfortable doing this abroad and I maybe chalk that up to the perspective I wrote about in The Uninhibited Life. I do get comfortable here and people are really friendly and/or flirtatious. I just never know, and I really think I have been more often pleasantly surprised this way.

By the end, I am encouraged to keep reminding myself not to limit what I do to whether I am with people or not. I am reminded you are always meeting people, or you can be chill and relaxed too. Travel underscores this so well.

So I know the encouraging words will not always encourage me. So I do appreciate the company of friends.  However I also want to keep being curious and doing what is a little different. No judgment if I don’t always have the nerve but nice to know I have the possibility to experience adventure, comfort and my freedom.

Success?

November 29, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

I mentioned how much I tend to overwork in my last blog and realized this was true for other companies as well as for myself (though notably in conjunction with a company as well).

Consequently I decided to make serious plans for socializing. Determined to find some balance,  I needed to keep those plans. A lot could become of the next message I sent myself. I could fail and get discouraged but I also knew I had to set a better standard of balance between work and being good to myself.

Primarily, I was a little surprised that “being my own boss” could be challenging in ways outside of distraction and wanting to goof off. Zeroing in on my goals, I had gone the other way. Alternately, I am not all that surprised. My whole family puts in quite a lot of hours and while I can become distracted, I still expend a lot of energy on my projects, even when delayed.

I also recently heard some YouTubers talk about the pressure many of us feel to be productive. So even if we are not earning, many people feel like they need to accomplish a lot on their daily to-do list. We may even carry those sentiments into vacation mode.

I had some success. Maybe? In a way. From watching my university alma mater play that following Saturday with fellow alumni in the area, brunch with my former boss the next day and meeting with a good friend at a local bar to watch most of the election results come in, I was seriously on a good social track.

I additionally sat in ease over my delicious wrap and mimosa at Busboys and Poets as I realized I am better diversifying my income. I had been somewhat dabbling into possible side income but only now see true leverage among not being dependent on one source of revenue. The prior results were almost negligible, and it seemed so much easier to be at my previous job, having stable benefits like PTO. The fact is, however, I just can no longer imagine pursuing my true dreams from that angle.

I know balance does not always come in equal parts. The process is just more about not being too unhealthily unbalanced, especially in work and pressurized situations. Surely I have to note that week after week was not being spent with friends and family the way I had imagined.

For the sake of sanity and health, I realize we have to also take some moments to wind down and hitting reset is the only way we can continue to operate.

Overtime

October 31, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

I tend to overwork. I now confirm this is for others and for myself. I did not do as much yesterday and the day before (Sunday and Saturday) but to my credit that is because I did not receive as much to do for freelance translating and to my credit, I have been taking off when I need to spend quality time with friends and family.

Put simply however, I still have been waiting a bit late to factor in how much I can take on.

The good news: I am in a better position to focus on personal goals and financial freedom.

The bad news: I am so used to working hard in general, I have to rethink how to accept taking things easier, sleeping more, and having more simple times with myself and others. I get a chance to embrace more of what I know really matters.

Better news: I look less stressed and there is absolutely next to no work politics.

The list continues:

My pros and cons can be flipped on different sides, but mostly I am realizing this is a mindset along with organization where I can make sure I work enough, but no longer to the detriment of health, downtime and time with people.

So watch to see that I follow through when it comes to catching a game with my fellow Ohio State Alum buckeyes this weekend at the bar and lunching or brunching with my good friend and former cool boss.

This is the beginning of getting another life lesson done. Being on my own and being flexible does not mean filling my time with more work. This is the beginning of teaching myself how to work as long as I enjoy it (including healthy challenges). This is the start of me showing myself how to fit in the quality time of me and others, learning to travel while working… travel while playing… feeling what it is like to be more at ease.

Good and lost

October 30, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

I lost myself in the best way over these last couple of months. I felt how I did most days when I began traveling on my own, getting away from limiting thoughts just related to myself and following moments that captured my focus.

As I was getting increasingly enthusiastic about my student’s latest accomplishment, I realized something I had practiced unknowingly before. I knew the feeling but could not put a name to it. Now I have a better understanding of how lost I have been recently… how lost I can get.

You see … in my spare time, I teach English to a number of people with lessons online or we just have conversations to help them grow their communication skills with our chosen/random topics and my tips. Although one of my most recent students and I were excited about future prospects, I really came away knowing we were wrapped up in the present moment. Time flew and has been flying each time.

So I have been carrying on lately, not absent of visions of dreams and goals but trying more so to mimic the calm the mind has when I’m interacting with my students. I’m only just a bit ahead in where we can go in our lessons and we are getting to know each other. The clock takes care of itself and lets us know when we have 5 minutes, 2 minutes, 10 seconds and then our goodbyes.

I want to be more grounded in daily activities, especially with the help of other people. I want to be everyday-satiated like travel-me, teacher-me and translations-completed me.  I see there is some peace to be had there. There is peace away from a demanding world.

The world otherwise seems to demand our planning. We easily get to forgetting the idea that we can be okay right now, not one step ahead, too much into what is next or lingering in some unhelpful past feelings. We could easily think to ourselves how happy we will be to live there in that achieved future or recall how vividly beautiful a past experience or relationship was.

As the teachings go, (mostly I read Eckhart Tolle), you really just always have the present moment. The past and future could be guides, can be celebrated and appreciated but recall that moving out of one and into the other simply once was and will become the present.

I like this lesson just from being caught in truly how excited I am for students to be sharing their lives and goals and with this particular one, to be caught up in how she is nicely improving and what she is doing during the last of her university days.

Here we are, being truly alive and not lamenting or hoping to either extreme. We will naturally reminisce (I think that’s lovely). We also naturally plan for the future (that’s normal and needed for hope). I still feel that’s okay just like I feel it is okay and natural to have a range of emotions. It is only getting stuck in the past or distractingly projecting ahead that keeps us from our present chances at having satisfaction.

Certain

September 30, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

What I also realized about the uninhibited life was an added self-assurance. How easy it was to state my cases and/or preferences.

Some of the most comfort I had disagreeing with people I really liked was far from home and where I would not have expected to feel so secure. Even when I was wrong (and had to make up for it), I realize how much more self-assurance came with what I was doing, what we were doing, what I really wanted and not getting everything perfect.  

I speak my mind when necessary in the States, but usually leave a lot more room for others to voice things themselves (and so not always when necessary). Both angles probably have their ups and downs, but I really seem to be quite comfortable coming out of my mouth with something with conviction when I am already on an adventure. I might be risking an awkward situation but somehow do not seem as worried. Maybe I am less sensitive, less worried about the perceptions of others. Again, I note the uninhibited life (linked above). Yet, I seemed to be liked just the same. What if it is more? I guess the friendly, helping nature I still offer abroad helps but I cannot help but notice I am considerably less reserved in stating my opinion or about trying something that could be exciting or end up a complete disappointment.

I guess there is a certain comfort in already being outside your comfort zone, having made it comforting. Before I departed, how nervous (though excited) I was to be abroad, how unsure I was if there could be any danger. I really did not know much about what was certain.  Yet, finding your niche and finding more friends, you can be more certain of your daring nature and personally this could be what helped me be more adamant as well.

I remember telling my new friend in Puerto Rico that I, in fact, was not the reason we were late to our first day of volunteer service. (We actually were not that late) but definitely off track. In the moment, I just knew it took two and we both had a hand in our goal that day. Understandably, in his frustration, (I believe just human nature) he sought a target. I was rather satisfied with that not becoming the narrative that got produced that day. How easy it could have been once getting there and asked, “did you find everything okay?” We were over it and into what we were meant to do in no time and just enjoying the sights in between.

I remember telling my friend in Peru that there were plenty of people to fill in for me one day when I wanted to properly see another friend off (what if I did not get to see the friend who was leaving anytime soon). I felt as stubborn as I must have been as a small child. No way I was letting Margaret leave without going sandboarding with her and spending a whole day with her and others where we had met.

I remember taking my friend to task for what I thought was inconsiderately taking my sleeping gear, although this definitely falls into the aforementioned category of things that I should apologize for (a true misunderstanding). We were still close after that. Thank goodness. I am glad he did not hold it against me.

On the less confrontational side, I was more apt to be out and about too, ready to be dragged along or doing the convincing of others, myself.

Knowing who you are does seems to come with the territory of putting yourself out there, trying new things, daring yourself to travel alone or with others to a totally unexpected place. I am true in a sense to in my everyday goals, when I am not away, but somehow I sense a little more reservation, perhaps leaning towards stability and knowing what’s coming. Understandably, I get how this speaks to safety and security but eventually it also gets me quicker to craving an adventure at some point. I am learning from both life versions, both truly me. Learning. Taking notes.

Rhythm

September 29, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

Seeing people in the limelight seems like glamour exists alone or at least is so highlighted that not much pain seems to exist. No matter how much one may hear of a struggle, easier is imagining someone on top as you see them having some luxury. Hard to imagine them chiseling away at their craft, sweating it out, losing sleep, losing money, losing motivation but I have to imagine this is also a lot of people’s experience before they make it look effortless.

Rihanna must be right. I take a page out of what I think must be in hers,  JLo’s and the books of many others about work, including a lot of successful people who are not necessarily famous, who I also admire.

Being successful at passions you are pursing is satiating, whether that means being well known celebrity wise or considerably fulfilled in other respects. Attaining goals is a reflection of ourselves and what is possible and even just putting in the effort is reaffirming.

For that matter, I am still going at it. Being in charge of me is not necessarily easy sailing. I keep getting the reminder.

Funny, I do not think I would receive criticism from others for going back to my old work but probably the most stinging critique would come from me. I know I have wanted to explore for a long time so this would not exactly be okay for me, perhaps probably better off for a moment but mostly I would definitely come out mentally worst for the wear.

There would be a different kind of easy that comes with throwing in the towel. I am happy to put in the work. I am happy with the new freedom. I just have to get more accustomed to the idea of working every day, even some partial days as I am still at what I consider my first steps. This is when I think of some particular people like those above.

Artist and influencers of all kinds just happen to be who we see the most. I imagine them still grinding away or most definitely before they had enormous success. Some may find it odd that I work for extended periods of time on any day although I take breaks. I recognize a need to build first before having more of my values met. More time with family. More time with friends. More time traveling. More time volunteering.

Considering there are still no guarantees, I want to see how attainable work and non-work objectives can be, still taking some breaks daily and regularly to stay healthy, especially to get through so much focused work on longer shifts. Variety is needed.

Trying to settle on the right timing for me, luxury is not necessarily unwelcomed. We shall see. No denying all the flash packing, open bars, tasty food and naps in between.

Lost Time Appreciated

August 31, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

I came across an old email from 2013. The email was for a bible study revamp. The email also served as a reminder of not being entirely where I was accepting of myself.

I wanted to observe many spiritual expressions. I liked this one because it reminded me of what my parents could have been doing when they were my age and much younger in their respective states. However I got my wires crossed in action sometimes.

Fortunately, I have found more of a spiritual lifestyle that speaks to my support but a lot of what I did before became motions and not feelings. I wanted to do more for more people but did not feel as if I was perfect enough. Silly because no one is perfect. Yet in helping, I felt I needed to get at least all the processes right.

I got compliments but the shortcomings steered my attention more. Why is that sometimes? Still working to focus on the good. I spent many hours on some lessons and greeting, chatting, trying to do more but sometimes I felt even less of myself.

I know the lessons of being accepted. I know equally the lessons of being rejected. They just get a little trickier as you get older when on some levels, processes can seem okay or okay enough. Different thought leaders fit my lifestyle at different times. I learned lessons about already being okay and striving out of a sense of being well-intended and positive, rather than just out of obligation.

The revamp was a single example where I felt I did okay but when I left the project, I felt little importance, not that I was supposed to feel important. (Yet we all should, right?) It was a bit of a mystery to be unfulfilled but to also know it is because you are wondering about something different for your life.

I can lead but not so much be leader in all spaces, (there I definitely was not) and not because of the people who I cared for but ultimately because it was just not my journey – not idealistic to the place or ways I belong.

After all, I then had real proof of belonging in some really good relationships and some really good spaces volunteering abroad and here – fitting more naturally like I fit with my family.

Being different was not equal to not fitting in, especially when I still felt accepted and driven by what I like. I don’t mind being the common or the odd duck. I was feeling neither in the new space I was in, and unfortunately not for lack of liking a lot of cool people, this was just not exactly me.

So I asked myself about those many minutes I spent waiting somewhere, being late, staying late, creating something and worrying if it would be okay, if I would be okay. I wondered if some time was wasted – how I could have been spending time otherwise.  Maybe. However, not really.

I was keyed into more of what I wanted. Most of all, I am more grateful for how I have changed and stayed the same (true in a lot of instances). At my core, I always knew some ways I would always like to behave and projects I would prefer.

I am grateful for the people who cared. I am grateful when I no longer need some praise or my excuses.

Not always belonging is a gift sometimes, even in a spiritual space or place where you think you could be accepted for being you or at least feel like you can be you. Rejection can be a life saver and most definitely a time saver. Sometimes, pathways do need to be etched out but for me in this instance, no. It was only necessary for the time I was introspective and how I could contribute, not at all indicative of this being my home forever.

Still, I know this to be the right place for a lot of people. Understandably. I know just how people alternatively got a better sense of fitting in where I do not. Just life. Thank goodness we are such a variety and thank goodness we are the same in a lot of ways. We want to be respected, care for others and know we are cared for too.

Elements of a Dream

August 27, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

Big dreams at times seem almost abstract. People may even notice they seem more accessible the younger we are. Children can have the biggest dreams about who they want to become, how they live and especially how perfectly and/or exciting adult life will be.

We can be daunted at different stages. Sometimes such a result can arrive very early on. Shyness alone could be a powerful teacher or very literally, some of our first schoolteachers can be the ones to discourage or encourage whether we step back or move forward respectfully. Parents, other adults and other children also find their spots as inhibitors or positive catalysts. Sometimes well-meaning warnings prohibit us from meeting our efforts as well.

Additionally, purposeful negativity, sinister words and actions keep us from our motivation or alternately stimulate the wills of those who always or at times are adamant against the disbelief and discouragement and set about proving people wrong.

Daunting is daunting however, and natural failures could be the precursor to drives taken forward or those drives taken back. Present at the worst end of the spectrum is mistreatment also affecting our mental and physical capacity to move forward.

The path ahead?

What have I learned from others in listening, reading, writing and watching?

I have learned the biggest guides to staying the course can come from various foundations, but they consistently appear in moments of hope and inspiration and are what we should seek out (no matter how small) to eventually provide momentum. Momentum, in turn, means encouragement. There is the sure sign of our ability to progress. In varying amounts, it can be the catalyst, when we take notice and appreciate each accomplishment. There is possibility at every level.  

I found lately that goals not specifically imagined are not the same as goals not reached. Dreams not specifically pictured are not the same as dreams unfulfilled.

I imagined volunteering abroad. I imagined myself traveling in general. I thought of working for myself as a freelance translator and I wanted to build my social time around quality moments with family and friends without the limitations of company rules. I am doing them all.

Though not exactly in the details I could have imagined, I am slowly doing more of what matters to me and less of the other.

Works in progress and works accomplished. I am preparing myself to grow, ready to take advantage of the time I have here.

Unofficial

July 31, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

Lima used to be the layover. Just one night plus a half of an afternoon before living more remotely.

However, this same remote year, the major city eventually turned into the destination for my upcoming birthday and the same departure point for heading back to the US before I was quite ready to head back.

I was relaxed, still partially anxious. The days prior were good, some brilliant, some just not particularly eventful but the day meant for celebration was one of those epic fails I will need to revisit on a future posting date.

For the moment, I was curious to see what I could do in Lima before leaving in a couple of weeks. Apparently, a lot. I had seen a lot elsewhere in Bolivia and other parts of Peru while volunteering, so I was looking forward to what I could do right before leaving South America the first time.

Although I had spent the last couple of weeks hanging out in Lima, I thought a structured tour-guided outing might prove useful. I sometimes like to mix those in with unplanned exploring, site visits, dancing and hanging out so I can get a layered perspective. I saw the designated tour buses leaving from the main square, seemingly daily. I booked a tour for an upcoming day.

Yet, Lima this time was seemingly just meant to be an offshoot of my own design, some of which included hanging out with my unexpected friend Daniel on my last few days, getting to see our friend in the midst of her hospital recovery, Carnival and a bad adventure in Surco (#revisit birthday).

Since I ran into Daniel (who I had met volunteering in Pisco), he distracted me considerably during that official planned tour. I tried to focus but realized I was fortunate to already have had all the tours and trips I had throughout my travels and I was rather more fortunate to have met so many people like him.

I realized we were just too excited about catching up and accidentally leaning in whispering too long between tour explanations. I heard some details before eventually realizing I was just fine with being distracted. From time to time, Iife reminds us to give up control. There is enough time to follow agendas and many many second opportunities.

Since I had coincidentally ran into him at the picturesque word-of-mouth hostel just days ago, his company reminded me of my foundational goals living abroad: lending a hand to community organizations, immersing myself with lovely language and culture and being open to whatever each day may bring.

The setting meant so much more with both local residents and other travelers like him.

Restaurants, grocery stores, the main square, Carnival events (surprisingly the hospital), and everyday apparent history: Lima the first time around was uniquely just what we made it and what it made for us.

I am more than okay with ideal consistent weather and good reasons for being distracted😊

Dive

July 28, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

Nice how often I get to and got to play interpreter before I more recently became a full-time freelance translator. I will say translation (writing) is my preferred method, but the prior practice and interactions were catalysts for one of my ultimate goals and sometimes just background settings.

Language immersion has been my joy. Writing and reading is a sweet escape and pieces of an intellectual high. I participated comfortingly in the literary interpretation discussions we would have in class over any number of themes: the classics in Greek, Shakespeare, (oh the word play – what sometimes seemed liked translating English into more English was its own sport), history, art, literature from every continent, our own social studies with humanity interlacing our pains.

Challenging was fascinating too. I liked the debates.

I listened and was listened to. Perspectives.

Real life finally became more of what I wanted. Debating, interpreting and translating. Peru was one of the foremost backdrops. I gained more momentum and motivation especially about what I really want to do with my life.

One spontaneous day was taping for the nearby local television station in Paracas. A second surprise was interpreting at another nearby city’s local community center. I felt thoroughly caught off guard by the NGO Director but to his credit, if he had told me, I probably would have gotten fairly nervous and performed a lot less naturally. I would have second guessed myself about publicly speaking in my native language as well.

The first was just an interview but since I did not know the extent of what people would be inquiring about at the community center, I was able to focus on what everyone brought me in the moment. I could present what he was saying in his overall speech from English to Spanish and in turn, let him know what their questions and comments were.

When people are looking at you and waiting, the rest of the day suddenly seems irrelevant. Before I really was aware of the practice of being present, so many moments like this got me there. They happened a lot when I was living remotely and just volunteering and just sitting near the fire in the cool desert evenings. Moments suddenly just happened and there was no thought of needing more entertainment than we could provide ourselves.

Another part of my life goals was laid out before me. Thanks to David for tricking me (I was not the only one). Sometimes we just do not know all we are capable of until we are called to do so much more.