The Real

DECEMBER 6, 2019 BY CASSANDRA JOHNSON

Before my current travels, I left you with a taste of or rather a lot of my life in the desert of Peru. I shared heading a bit further to Arequipa and Cusco, and especially Machu Picchu. Well, back then, a younger me had decided before my 183-day stay was up, I needed to follow the best advice I knew on how to extend my time in Peru. I knew in order to continue or rather stay again; I would need to leave. I would need to leave the country and reenter it to reset my time. I had planned ahead, at least mentally and although it would cost me some bolivianos (as a US citizen), I knew Bolivia was my next abbreviated stop. I selected it for various reasons before I left the US for South America and for some additional ones once I was there.

People especially get to worrying about you when you’re away in a land foreign from the one you share with them and I imagine there was some relief knowing I was around new friends in various spots. Yet, still, there is a sense of imagining you alone, because truly you are apart from the foundation of the familiarity you shared with them and though you can feel complete on some days, this is also what can feed into your own homesickness and loneliness.

God rest my mother’s beautiful soul. She was no longer with us when I first ventured away from the States. This was only to Canada but knowing how much she worried about my father and each of my brothers, even for example, when I was two hours away at school or even when we were out longer than expected, this would have been a lot for her. Knowing her history, before I was here, I understood it to be linked to her childhood and losing her mother. My heart is warmed and twisted further still realizing that while we may mistakenly think dads not remembering the specifics of crushes, current best friend’s names, or who sits behind you in 5th period science means their nerves are made of more steel, this is not necessarily the truth. My dad was a traveler before my parents met and married, but I found him to be just as worried in his own way – at the same time excited for me – at the same time relieved when my feet were back on Washington DC soil followed by a visit to Ohio. I can’t help but miss all the unique things he would have to say to us in the most unique ways.

Actually, I have to now be perfectly honest with you. This post took a turn. I was ready to share how I entered La Paz, Bolivia. However, I’m holding space for my parents now… for our parents… a moment of recognition for hard work instilled in us, for compassion, for the ability to grow and for gratitude. I look forward to sharing again and I don’t even know what comes next (though I kinda think I do) but I’m happy to have a space to create and express and share and be thankful. Thank you.

Warm regards,

Always,

Cassandra Johnson