September 29, 2026 by Cassandra Johnson
I walked down the street in Cuenca, Ecuador. I could see that my hostel was not far from the bus stop. I had just arrived from Quito, the capital, and I wanted to save the money, that would be spent on an Uber or taxi. I had paid for so many. A break was nice. Still, carrying one heavy pink duffel bag and pulling along one small wheeled purple suitcase was not feeling quite so convenient and definitely not looking so graceful.
Yet, I did it. Mini goal accomplished. I was relieved, after one (confusing to me) street. I had made it within a few miles of the spot I had booked for several days. The several days would end, and then comes a bit of awkward time, A stretch of awkward moments are laced together, in which I might be deciding to extend my stay or preparing to move on. The end of these first few days in Cuenca readily fit this experience. I wanted to continue to stay in Cuenca but liked the idea of also renting a different hostel or hotel there afterwards. It is awkward checking out anywhere for the simple moments of interacting with the staff, with whom I have low-key or high-key bonded.
The same awkwardness extends to guests I may have toured with, went for a coffee with, gone out dancing with, had drinks or just conversation over complimentary breakfasts, passed time with, in a lobby or a coworking space… The moments and interactions are always potentially there. Welcomed. Yet, they can end ever so oddly.
Of course, in this, there is also a win, a position offering comfort when a new acquaintance or friend has been made and you can easily meet up with them, now just from different starting points, still near to one another. I then, felt a bit more practiced at living long-term in different cities, neighborhoods, and countries, knowing I already knew people.
The difficulty that comes with explaining becomes fluid. Similarly the bond can extend to local residents. awkwardly and otherwise, when you also try to explain to them how you are leaving but not completely leaving. “I’ll still be in the city”.
I wanted to stay and live in different neighborhoods, but I also had to make sure my work was right. I also needed to stay. Should I be budgeting to leave and go to more economical parts of the country? Should I be bracing myself for already-poor follow up from my delayed freelancing project payments? What was also awkward was booking days out based on third parties. That did play well into the possibility that if I did not love the place or area, I could pick up and go. (I must say it was nice, however, to do full-month rentals in Peru).
There was excitement, but choosing and looking also shored up my decision fatigue.
So very awkward when the person, host, acquaintances, or friends you have low-key bonded with or high-key bonded with are vacationing or touring versus you daily living there. The grass was reciprocally greener. I suppose, mostly to have numerous encounters, either helped or hid my might. I wonder. I can be grateful and I love as much as I liked. Still, I wonder how much of me is left in those spaces of bonding and how much I exhale from the need to rest and rest, again and again. I’m sleepy😊Sometimes tired😊