Now that I’m pretend caught up with my work (salaried, that
is), I’m noting just how long overdue my post here is. I appreciate your visit
and the chance to share again and most notably I am realizing I have some
actual time to think.
Puerto Rico was exactly where I needed to be a couple weeks ago and a sure sign of the difference in being in alignment with your purpose and being where I am now. I’ve touched on when I’ve been most in harmony and though I know enough to get by in not so congruent circumstances, I am most assuredly leaning towards my new newness. I have some purpose and I don’t want to keep you or me waiting.
My next volunteer trip is calling me back to Puerto Rico – that is – following the one I am taking in November. I thought I might want to keep things varied and share my path along varied routes, but I am leaning towards revisiting and volunteering in Puerto Rico again with another organization. IVHQ sounds lovely and I’m looking forward to it. Still I’m curious about Helping Hands as well.
I thought I would travel various routes to volunteer, and later return to past places (as I did with Pisco), but I am just following my intuition now to help out with disaster relief and sustainable development.
We shall see exactly what I think of or realize next. PSF was amazing and I don’t expect to ever replace it, but as I grow into new roles and a new lifestyle, we shall see. I dare invite you always to check out some places I’ve been (since I can speak to them personally) and anywhere you think of – feel free to invite me as well. I think we’ve reached a new chapter in which folks are more and more conscious of all the small and big effects we have on each other and the environment everywhere.
Right now, I’m planning on two weeks in February. This will end with my birthday week and like Returning to Pisco, it will be gift to me to be around people with the know-how to move past every obstacle.
(I promised myself that I would share a post as soon as I got back from my San Diego work trip. Forgive me if it is a little raw – I began it before I left and keeping it true to form to what my heart was telling my mind at the time, I’m only adding a little more. It’s incredibly short but I’m also here to just say hello, from time to time, as well.)
To be perfectly clear, writing here gets me clear. When I
pretend to myself that I’m not exactly sure of what I want to do next, I am
most honest when I come to write and share with you all here. I’m more honest
about what I would truly like to be doing, where I would truly like to be.
All the people who inspire and support me get me closer to inspiring myself. I know that is everyone reading right now and the thought leaders I follow. I can let go of the reins of everyday life’s societal induced goals and have an honest conversation with myself about what really matters. I can do this instead of working my mind around to fitting the “acceptable goals” of the 9 to 5 life followed by supposedly aspiring retirement ones. I can do this without getting sidetracked with the worry of some folks thinking I’ve gone off the deep end. I can laugh and hope this is exactly where some do think I have gone.
Recalling that I’m going to wake up with myself every day as
along I am blessed to do so, I can be as cheeky as I want here, believing in my
way and others’ righteous ways as well. There is not just one way to be and the
goal (as Oprah says) is to get closer to being ourselves every day.
I can put myself out there with every moment that passes, be
scared, hold back and then find myself drawn to experimenting with life’s
safety limits again. It’s interestingly fulfilling to be dissatisfied with the
status quo and I hope to have you join me one day in person (volunteer with
me) or I hope to meet you viaemail, post, phone,
Skype, WhatsApp, Facebook, LinkedIn or Instagram. I hope the
path gets even clearer as we get more real and do more of the right things for
ourselves and others.
I don’t really get crushes often though I see guys I definitely find very attractive in the DMV area (my current home that is the DC, Maryland, Virginia area ) but there was something about this guy I met a week ago that has my interest more than piqued. It’s cliché to say but again, clichés can be true to say or write so I’m going to go with it: There was just something about him.
He pulled up in his Mercedez Benz (and that’s not why – this is purely for description purposes) and he seemed so purposeful, self-assured, gentle and present, though it would turn out he had a lot going on. Yet, that added another nice dimension. His life reminded me of … well, mine right now. I’m learning my way into a new job at the same company and stepping fully into the overwhelm while eating my feelings as well😊 I felt it exactly last week during this work travel when my really good friend and I made the most out of those dessert portions of our meals. The difference between he and I, or so it seems, is that he was without the stress level. I have my job and other outside interests to which I am committed and I am fluctuating between the good type of surrenderand feeling sometimes buried. (Still, I’m convinced it will all come together or apart in a good way.) I’m most right when I’m writing, translating, reading, volunteering andtradingand I know it means gravitating towards what fuels me the best. The advice I’m getting is to let go of so-called everyday obligations and I will actually get more and more done.
The work trip ended, and I was waiting for this Uber comfort ride back to the airport from my hotel. Turns out this is a seasonal side job for my crush, and I noticed how well he listened and how deliberate his words were. We chatted and when he asked what I do, there was a space there that really took in my answers. It’s not that there is this negative thought that others are not listening nor that they don’t care, but there was a notable feeling of acceptance and acknowledgement in this moment that sometimes may get lost in conversations when we are anxious to share stories. I do it to others as well. It’s not intentional, but I believe, very human, in our efforts to express who we are and be heard. In this instance however, the wide space of being noticed was quite evident and with natural reciprocity, my focus was outward too. Nothing to prove. No room for misinterpretation. Rather just a willingness to share a more-than-surface conversation.
He may happen to visit this post along with other ones. I don’t
mind. He asked if he could see the site and I welcome it too.😊
I highly recommend Judith Orloff’s thoughts and insights
courtesy of the below pictured,
The Power of Surrender. Any aspect of life you can think of is
covered here and how we can embrace more ideas of moving into or away from so
many parts of our life that serve or don’t serve us. Doing so without
resistance is really key. Not squashing our dreams, not overdoing certain
actions and understanding intuitively what is really playing out for us. How should
we proceed or perhaps when should we just be?
I was pretty much savoring this book as one of my last reads
during the partial metro shut down and even had my additional type of surrender
letting it go, yet it now does and can serve as my guideposts, a kind of bible
to go back to, to reference, at times to simply enjoy and get to understanding
that every light and shadow is an integral part of life. No spoiler alerts but
there are some enticing portions on health, happiness, love, soul mates, soul
friends, embracing your calling, embracing your sexuality… accepting the
surrender of death (your own and others and understanding interesting elements
of letting go and holding space in respect for the last in a particularly
special way).
Embrace illness, sadness, solutions and give into joy…the
list goes on.
Incidentally, it was also understandably entitled the Ecstasy of Surrender: 12 Surprising Ways Letting Go Can Empower Your Life. I have moved on or rather immersed myself in more teachings/thoughts on evolving mindsets (in addition to my preceding years of similar studying). Moving on from this one is not really an accurate description, however. Only literally. There are so many lessons, complementing one another, ideally continuing to intertwine along the way.
Orloff, Dr.
Judith (2014). Power of Surrender: Let Go and Energize Your
Relationships, Success and Well-Being. New York, NY: HAY House UK LTD.
Thank you IVHQ for outlining this volunteer trip for me. From step to step, this is exactly what I need right now. While in the past, I have had time to research every option from what to bring, the most ideal place to stay and what to expect, you have exactly spelled out the overview for me. This is what I need in the best way because my time here seems limited between my main job (which is currently two and a half jobs), my freelance translating, trying to stay fit, dating, constantly educating myself intellectually and spiritually, and spending much desired time with friends and family. I’ve added a lot to the list. I don’t plan on looking back with any regrets.
While I still need to organize my own schedule around my week-long stay in Puerto Rico, it is comforting to know my latest volunteer organization has built in steps and reminders along the way. I feel reassured knowing I will land in San Juan with a ride and a co-volunteer housing destination. In this way, the final step will be like Pisco Sin Fronteras (PSF)and I will know right away whether I have landed with the right group, something I knew right away when I stepped into the Pisco volunteer yard enclosure and something I felt right away when I read the background mission of PSF as well, something that unfolded more with the few pictures I saw and a single video stating we would be learning from local people and learning from and with other volunteers who after all, were some of the most bad ass representatives from their respective countries. That description of the respective volunteers was not my own 😊 while at the same time, it turned out to be very true.
I have my eyes on another group in Puerto Rico that I am
considering connecting with at a later date. For now, we will see how everything
hopefully comes together between working several jobs and keeping myself loved,
loving, happy and sane. I appreciate you here. Thank you for another chance to
share.
Returning home in late August/early September put me back with the comforting feelings of being surrounded by brothers, being chill and thoughtful, now acting as hosts within their own families. There was Voyager playing on Netflix (personally, my favorite installment of Star Trek – for my brothers it’s Deep Space Nine). I enjoy that hum of our commentary as we appreciate and make fun of certain elements of shows and life from almost a purely silly, appreciative, and intellectual standpoint. There is now a mix of nostalgia. What I am reminded of is the sound in the background throughout all our growing up. There is nothing like having my 3 brothers, with our unique interests bouncing off one another with our various creative talents being played out in each other’s company or in solitude. This gift of life includes built-in friendships, not getting along and the unique bond of being raised together by the exact same 2 people with all the parenting/familial lessons they know well and maybe not so well. I’m reminded during that time (now my beloved parents are sadly gone from this world) that my parents wrote out an interesting world for our Midwestern upbringing by way of their respective southern ones. Daddy was from Alabama. Mama was from Georgia. They ended up in Middletown, Ohio, were introduced to one another there and the rest is history. That small city was where we children were born and raised. (My brothers live in surrounding cities now). I could live in DC, where I am now until the end of time and I have been told my tenure could give me the ability to claim DC similarly. Yet, the very idea of that is still laughable to me, a bit absurd, especially when I think of the roots and energy and foundation implanted in me in the swing state. I can’t not claim it, despite its also racist painful, alienating spaces and experiences and, in fact, the pain aka the dirt is also a part of my roots – what makes me thoughtful, inclusive and empathetic today.
One of the new Ohio Johnson arrivals is my vibrant 3-year-old nephew and I decided right away that he is a rough and tumble, sweet, affectionate, rambunctious, boy. He, in turn decided early on that my name is also “Mommmy”. Truly, it is as if I made him up. This is how I would have invented every detail from the long lashes surrounded by an adorable, adoring face. Even the naughtiness and respectfulness are something I would have conjured up with just the right mixtures. This is not to mention the little actions and reactions that are very unique to who he is. Playing with him, reading to him and teaching him is at times akin to a meditative level as one gets lost in the world of youth, feeling tired but uplifted, while seeing the world through their eyes – seeing what brings them joy or disappointment. Children are great teachers, magically expending our energy, while at the same time giving us life! I understand again how natural it would be to flow into being a parent, developing with children as their needs change and they grow.
On being “Mommmy”: Despite the fact of my sister-in-law and I not looking alike, I can see he has endearingly decided that we are different versions of each other. Quite the compliment! He would call to me as he was being carted off to bed very reluctantly or wanting to eat or play with something he shouldn’t have. He was quite the explorer, like many children curious about everything around them. (We can learn so much from them).
Journey to Journey
I spent a very formative and special amount of time in Columbus, Ohio as well. I am also an alumni of The Ohio State University (yes “The” is an official part of the title which I rarely include but it is fun to know and people love to tease us about our official stance). A lot of people were impressed I chose this school as others were starting closer to southwest Ohio and I had the later knowledge of realizing just how renowned a school it is as I was enrolled there. My reasons for attending were the desire of a large campus with nice programs, of which there were many. I had quite a lot of choices. The campus was a mecca of opportunities, experiences and places nearby to explore. I learned a lot in and outside of the classroom and I also chose this academic venue for its amazing diversity-both locally and internationally represented. College life was not all glorious, not without its challenges but it led to many triumphs, fun meaningful and funny experiences, cute and painful dating experiences, included. There was some soccer – more played than watched, there was eating without gaining weight, there was dancing, there was late night studying and all-nighters, there were friends from every area of the world and so much more. Every moment, I realized early on, was one that I absolutely did not regret. I’m glad I chose to live, play and work at this school. (It also didn’t hurt that it happens to be a Big Ten Champion football school with a rivalry (vs Michigan) like no other! I play around with this with friends and even my girl boss who are fans of wrong schools. It can be fun. My COO – who is actually a Virginia Tech fan and alumni, even pretended to accidentally throw away my plushie Ohio state bobble-like head yesterday. He looked at it closer, saying he had mistakenly taken it for trash. I had joked with him long ago when I brought it in how I knew he was tempted to own it and not to steal it when I wasn’t in the office. I ain’t mad at him. I actually erupted into giggles. I have absolutely got to give folks credit for expertly delivered trash talk. Incidentally, later today, I may take in the game.
Officially official
Bye for now,
readers. I wanted to bring you this lighthearted yet deep (lol) follow up post
today. You may recall You May Go Home
Again. I will deliver 2 more September installments to you as well. Feel
free to like below and share. I look forward to sharing more travel, volunteer
and random stories and thank you again for sharing your time with me!!
Heart strings being tugged at once more, it appears that the island life is in my near future. This is true, at least for a temporary stay. I simply know it to be true since I got that familiar feeling that comes with a volunteer mission I feel in my being before I’ve even realized all the necessary steps and scheduling. Puerto Rico is next and my recent actions told me so. It is telling in the way I’ve already requested the days away before knowing if I will be accepted as part of this organization’s hurricane recovery. One moment at a time. If I can’t participate in one way, I will look at others.
Visiting my Where is Next? will
tell you where my mind has been going. Visiting my fifth post will
tell you where I began. Visiting selectothers
will tell you how I’m riskysafe and subscribing here will keep you updated
along the way.
I am grateful to have you here for these few moments and hopefully more to come. Looking forward to sharing additional past and future thoughts and experiences!
You may
always go home again. Yes. Despite the near contrary expression, I believe this
to be true. Whether it be your home away from home, where you were born and
raised, or just where you feel most yourself.
9 years
after volunteering in Pisco, Peru, I was there again and welcomed with
open arms by people I knew and to whom I’ve remained connected. I was welcomed
by new “curious friendly” * stares as well. Truthfully, the latter was just as reminiscent
of the comfort I found my first time in South America overall. I won’t say all is
rosy, but the overwhelming majority of experiences are very receptive ones.
As I also
travel back to Ohio to visit, I know going home to family is solely being wherever
they have landed. You can always go home to family, to the loved ones that love
you, no matter where they may be. The affection is multiplied by my brothers’ welcomes
and from the extended family through them.
Changes, in my perspective, only reside in how we should grow. We should not want to be the same. We should want every day to be wiser and more comfortable in our own skin, but we can also know the significance of homes as foundations that can help us grow. Also, true for our passions. We can tell where we feel the most at home by what makes us come alive. Where we find our heart with people and energy is where we find our home and we should always be traveling there.
Intriguing mishaps can meet you no matter the distance. These
would be ones like those unfolding on my early morning metro commute one very early
August morning. These would also be those hiccups that presumably seem to be
mere circumstance, but sometimes, I wonder. I wonder if certain stumbling
blocks are the signs and whispers (which I’m incidentally listening to for
guidance) — are they signs of my own misdirection. Literally and figuratively.
How about those obstacles? I happen to feel like I am at a crossroads so
naturally I wonder. When I make one decision or change my mind, I wonder. Which
step is next? Is something not seemingly working out because I need to go about
it differently or do I need to not go about it all?
Mishaps also have a brilliant way of instilling gratitude. Gratitude
could just be there on its own but there are times when I see it underscored by
the knowledge of what the downside has been or could be. As simple as the experience
of being caught out in a monstrous storm versus having a sunny day off from
work.
It was just earlier this month – heading to work. I have become
oddly accustomed to waking up much earlier to allow for the extra time it will
take to get there. You see, there is customary maintenance underway on the metro
and that means that the service for both the Blue Line and Yellow Line are
interrupted a couple stops before I get to my regular stop. Consequently, there
are free shuttle buses covering the gaps. This is when gratitude battles with
agitation = Round 1. I am actually quite grateful for the inconvenience
convenience. I remind myself.
I’ve taken this as an opportunity to engulf books – one of
my pastimes which I’m pleased I’ve avidly gotten back to not neglecting (over
the past several years). Before getting
to the shuttle, I take two trains and it’s no rush, because as I was mentioning
I’ve decided to get up early to allow for trains possibly not showing up on
time, breakdowns on buses, etc. This was the perfect day to be prepared for
both.
The second train I transfer to took about 20 minutes longer to get to the shuttle bus destination because of a down circuit at another station. Once on the shuttle bus, driven by a friendly Ethiopian American gentleman, we journeyed what seemed steadily along. However, this was not the time to get comfortable. Not yet. Not the moment riders collapse away into their respective phones and other reading material. So, it seemed, the bus suddenly could not start back up once the bus driver stopped to open the door before crossing a railroad track (the obligatory traffic regulation).
I thought the two out-of-service buses eventually pulling up
alongside him were going to rescue us from the highway. I thought this laughably
but still fully imagining the possibility. Out of Service rotating on
the bus signage where a number and destination usually was meant they weren’t
currently running a route.
A couple of anxious passengers began standing and moving up
front, towards the bus driver. They had to be thinking similarly. We had been sitting
in silence for a considerable amount of time as the bus driver tried to restart
the bus. Once, he powered down completely, the lights turned out briefly, but…nothing.
The two moving buses, however, mainly held up a few cars in
the next lane, while one of the respective bus drivers did board our bus to see
if she could help him. This also made complete sense, except for, they were oddly
not communicating with us. She finally asked where we were headed. I found this
oddly hilarious since we were not one or two random hitchhikers but rather a
bus load of about 40 passengers headed to a couple of designated stops specifically
designated by metro along a typical work route. She said she could get us to
King Street. We were so thankful for her. (I thanked the first bus driver as we
left him. He had gotten us as far as he could and now could get help without a
bunch of anxious eyes on his back).
Our new driver immediately took us to a point that has recently
become very familiar. This is where usually about 1% of the bus riders exit while
most of us get off at the second shuttle stop, closest to our employment. (There
are various shuttle buses available at other stations too, if one happens to be
traveling beyond those other temporarily closed connecting stations).
This particular day, we assumed there would be a second stop to come. We were incorrect. She said she was not a certain type of bus and we all had to get out here. I write “certain” because I’m not sure exactly what distinction there was. She didn’t say “not a shuttle” so mystery still remains there.
I felt myself inwardly – maybe not so inwardly – smirking throughout
these events. To work on limiting the anguish and knowing that I got up early
for a reason, it became one of those times, I touched on in an earlier post, on
which you will look back and laugh, but you actually find it so random that you find yourself
laughing in the moment.
Getting off the bus, I made a quick turn on to King Street, knowing I would walk the rest of the way, At least we were in the vicinity and off the highway. People were standing outside now, hesitant and agitated before figuring out next steps. I thought to myself how they didn’t realize their fortune. I thought they have obviously never been dropped off by a local vehicle taking them in the wrong direction in Havana before. (future blog post to come😊).
Overall, life is now a far cry from dealing with car notes
and car problems (though I have missed my middle-aged Ford on some grocery
store and additional weekend errands). My recollection here is just the other
side of some trouble with modern convenience but I also pause to say I am
grateful for the high probability of on-time and quick service that gets me
where I need and want to be. Since I gave up my car before heading to Peru the
first time, I’m pretty fortunate to live in a large enough area with a good
public transportation system. An added plus is living in such a walk-friendly space.
Universe just simply took a moment to say: Here’s a reminder
of the importance of leaving an hour earlier during a partial metro shutdown😊
Also, here is the importance of temporary solutions, good
systems being made better, a number of helpful people when it’s not always
expected, and a fairly healthy portion of self-reliance.
