Author: admin

How not to be hard on yourself

December 31 by Cassandra Johnson (Merida, MX)

You have accomplished a lot and/or been through a lot even to get to this point. Think about it. Life is no easy task. Even if certain parts came easy or without struggle, remaining happy and true to yourself are not always easily prescribed. They don’t always coincide.

I had to ask myself, why not try something new and different, simultaneously noting that different is really more in step with what I imagined my everyday life could be. I am not satisfied with every option or circumstance but bad or good, the steps have informed me about my preferences and even my own power.

Traveling at my own pace for as long as I would like: (How relieved and pleased I was that I did not have to buy an onward ticket when I landed here in Merida). This is the way for the immediate future as it was transitioning from DC to PR. Though I have limitations, this way is so much more indicative of my potential freedom.

Officially making it to the city I was picturing, I hope to also be landing in Oaxaca, Guadalajara (and now Tequila- as added per suggestion), I am now at home in my movement (see prior post) ultimately planning to make it back to Peru (as duly noted – considering my affinity and memories there).

I am following a winding path and why not.

Here’s our chance to find out (after all, we know life can be challenging and we know we can get past difficulty). We will always have a chance of not getting it right. We also have a chance of getting closer to what is right for us.

home is where I am getting to

December 29, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson (Merida, MX)

I sat in my very long layovers from San Juan, Puerto Rico to Merida, Mexico, being in Chicago and Houston respectively, and thought I can’t wait to get home. Home? I then realized this just meant the next place I would live for a while and not a place I had even been before. This perspective was surprising and very true since where I was traveling to was not necessarily permanent and was only first introduced to me through my love of Sortilegio. Coincidentally.

Understandably, home naturally once meant somewhere I was already comfortable and to which I would be returning.

Suddenly realizing I could not wait to be here in Merida now felt the same as looking forward to settling back in somewhere and feeling comfortable and satisfied again. I could rest and explore. The feeling resonated especially with my flight ticket being open-ended. This is a very homey feeling. I do not expect to move here but recently, one-ways have meant not necessarily feeling the pressure of time.

Of course, extended time at the airport and just dealing with travel add to the feeling, but I handled the layovers surprisingly well and just became increasingly excited for my next accommodations. Furthermore, within my now locations, I feel myself getting excited about neighborhood and hostel and AirBnB hopping as well (even eyeing a short resort stay in my near future). Home is getting to feel more like having these options and variety. Each option has pros and cons but I  like being in a new neighborhood I can check out and returning “home”/ to wherever my current accommodations may be.

There is a new peace in deciding my true tastes in food, sightseeing and living each day and becoming more accustomed to how each setting has its own uniqueness. It is a test to adapt creature comforts to my new surrounding but sometimes it is easier and sometimes even better than I could have even imagined.

This is it until I become a more permanent expat/immigrant/snowbird, resident. When I am ready, I will know…

Shopping with Strangers

November 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

I can’t forget Clara. I really wasn’t all that committed to getting a lock for my locker at my temporary hostel (perhaps between Air B&Bs) but as I asked each employee in Spanish at (local and chain) stores, gas stations and convenient stores and I was told the next store up or nearby would have some, I became more dedicated and as I went to the next next, the next adjacent and next nearby. I was going to be okay with just getting it at Walgreens until I checked at Loiza 99₵, (the dollarish store named after the street I was on and which I have come to adore). I implored here about the lock and was told to go to the Norte Shopping Center. The instructions sounded doable but, oh boy, maybe not so much. I left for Norte Shopping Center optimistically and immediately after leaving, I was called back into the store. An elderly petite customer from San Juan had apparently offered to walk with me there. Man, did I have no idea where I was about to attempt to go. She took me through much more of a shortcut. We walked slowly and chatted, but I am sure she got me there faster.

Only what I didn’t realize is that we were happening on a shopping center with actual bargains, a place without any tourists. I also didn’t know we would be chilling while looking at clothes and Christmas items together. I was half wondering if this was my Angel Aunty and I thought exactly yes, as we walked diagonally to the area and she laughed contently remarking on the places in the neighborhood and making casual observations about the pretty painted homes we passed. Simultaneously, she admonished some dangerous areas on the street, puddles, etc or drivers who didn’t seem to be paying attention. The young, middle age and elderly Puerto Rican men all stepped aside politely and gave us just one curious look here and there.

I waited for her to finished getting some new shoes. She had picked up a Christmas piece at Calle 99 cents and she just added these to the bargains. Clara and I walked back as I confided to her that I had also stopped back in this area to check on a friend who wanted to stay here longer but was having some reservations about being able to do so. I only heard from the friend once that day and finding out she lost her phone, I did not know what to do next but wait a couple more hours and then head back to the place I was currently staying.

Clara and I stopped at her bus stop and right before her bus came, I felt like this could just be  “See You Later” (“Hasta Luego”) or “See You Around”. She said “Ahhh” at my desire to be here for a bit and being conditioned in the days of my now lifestyle, I wanted to see if she was on Whatsapp, Instagram or Facebook. Well, um, lol, I dared mention Facebook and she chuckled and scoffed while also mentioning people talk too much on there. 😊. I was thinking, Mark Zuckerberg is not reaching everybody he would like to reach. I am on there, but she was not inclined in the least to do the same. She could just get to be my friend who I could see again or maybe one of the many people I can’t help but meet and connect with for the day or several days. Like my customer service days, you never knew, and how kind life can be just to be kind, just to laugh with each other and exchange contact information when you can or maybe missing saying goodbye to a temporary roommate and perhaps exchanging only partial goodbyes. We may meet again and we may be moved how nicely we are able to stay in touch and often, we are just moved to spend our casual days with like-minded individuals.

Kindred Spirits and Throwback San Juan

buy me a hot chocolate

As sappy as this sounds

November 29, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

I am back and this is about my not so smooth landing. Spirit Airlines was actually probably one of the most effortless parts of getting back to San Juan, Puerto Rico – so sorry to them for having such a comically bad reputation.

No breezing through airport TSA this time. Both pieces of major luggage were stopped and especially checked. One reason: I am not exactly sure what I was thinking with a regular size of contact lens solution. Luckily the agent let me slide after testing its content.

Moments before, even more baggage delayed me at the Amtrak terminal. I wanted to fly out of Baltimore for good rates, so it made sense to take the train from DC to there.

As sappy as this may sound, I think I am still chasing dreams. Ironically, the prospect does not make my goals any easier. However, I feel more satisfied along with my continued longing and I currently find myself traveling like I want to but I still have a lot to adjust.

I am imagining an ideal lifestyle (as I have for a while now), one that includes community and having more time with family and friends. I am working on a better quality of life. What I value is now being shaped even more from a combination of experiences I have already experienced. They have just not been sustained to date. I have met more people recently who share the same perspective. They want to maintain this quality of life while staying on budget or increasing what they can budget.

I have offered some encouragement and ideas. I also work to maintain the advice and encouragement for myself. I could have enhanced my current finances which developed from a combination of me giving up my so called “good job” and taking on freelancing full time.

The new development includes not necessarily accounting for delays in payments along with bills that always arrive on time. (So do as I advise rather than as I do.)

Still, though my landing included deciding to move from one hostel to an AirB&B to another hostel that I really really like, I know I would not have had the same experience if I had decided to only downsize my DC life. I would still be wondering about what I am doing now: Starting my nomadic trip and spending time in discussion, chilling, laughing, dancing and cranking out work projects so I could get back to the former.

The lesson it has actually given me is that I should have started sooner. I could have implemented my plans earlier and while I will not beat myself up, I will now know I was even more capable then. More capable when I first had the notion. More capable when the thoughts first turned my attention.

However, I appreciate what people describe as failing forward or to loosely recall Oprah’s encouraging words: A misstep is more like a course corrector, informing us to go another way. We have to figure out the tweaks, here or there, whether they be small or large.

Me. I do not really know but I do know I like it here in San Juan a lot for now, as a place for me to grow and enjoy as I make my way back to Peru again. Seemingly appropriately, I have returned here in November 2023, as the weather easily reminds me of 2019.

This time, during my first week (beginning November 1st), I found comfort in the friendly people both visiting and who live on the island.

As I dream, I also imagine the coincidences of being in places at certain times and getting to know people I otherwise would never have known, had I been here before this month or months later. The timing works and gives me both something to look forward to and look fondly back on.

I am happy to stay for just a bit more and dare I say, the mosquitoes are pleased with this as well. 😊 Working on that.

buy me a hot chocolate

Two Stories

October 31, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Well, that’s life. About October 5th, 6th, 7th, I was feeling pretty optimistic. I was determined not to let the month get away from me. I did a lot but there were still moments that seem to daunt me. Yet, what else could I do and let’s be real, what else did I want to do.

Still I realize all the preparation and busy work of cleaning up, selling, storing and adjusting were also a distraction of how I really will miss DC as well. Having lived there since 2006 and even this last place since 2014 really struck me as I walked out of the echoing rooms and into the lobby to hand in my keys. From surreal to real but then again, there is also this:

I’ll be right back after the flight lands.

Out there

October 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

I actually found a to-do list that is nearly finished. Granted, this particular one (I have many) only had about 3 things on it. Still. 😊 Some semblance to progress.

Over this past month, as one closet seemed empty and a bit neater, one room became more jumbled. Yet, progress can sometimes appear a bit messy and not exactly how you would envision it. My intentions and actions began with some type of order but not much could stay neatly in place as the more I reviewed items and the more I had to dismantle furniture and areas of my place, the process took on a life of its own, depending on my job work load, other commitments, desires and people’s responses to what I was selling and giving away. To get to the point I am in now, I could control the overarching momentum of this move but not everything. Both sides of that led to my liberation. Still, I also made sure I had my very necessary social time with friends and family. I leaned into the peace and laughter they give me.

Still, I am a bit surprised at myself as I walk around my soon to be former apartment now starting to echo but I won’t stop being anxious until my nomadic plan starts to seem real again, not until I’m in that flying seat to San Juan, Puerto Rico, with only virtual matters in my head, like online banking and my new Traveling Mailbox.

It’s comforting to think of the freedom of not being tied to this particular spot, yet I will have some very small storage I expect to downsize and eliminate in the coming year or two. I’m thankful I finally found a guy with reasonable pricing and a very strong physique to help me with this last part of lifting these items and doing it ever so quickly. I will remember that he made the last few days of my time here ones with more ease. I take it as a sign of people reminding me I’m worth this and how much community is necessary.

I really am grateful for a lot. I appreciate how there are people who like my offers and there are people who didn’t break my bank (like the gentleman above) and who were genuinely enthusiastic about working with me.

My hiccups have been ever present so knowing I could overcome some has fueled my energy. Other moments, I imagined giving up or perhaps just giving in and trying another route I do not actually think I want.

I like the sense of knowing a lot of this is directed by me already. Sure. I want to relinquish the plan-making to someone else now and then, but there is also a lot of encouragement in knowing my whims could lead to very real dreams. We will see.

Why We Follow

September 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Those Aspirations. I see why we cannot secretly let them go. I see why, if we seemingly talk ourselves out of them (not naturally just changing them), we can’t always forget.

I felt some weight lift off my shoulders yesterday as I imagined visiting new places again while submitting my 30-day notice. I gradually became less tied to how this could also be perceived. I took a little break from the warnings to be careful in “strange” places and talking me out of going.

This may just look different. Though it does feel good, admittedly I also feel odd and also know I can again intermittingly get tied to those perceptions above. Unwittingly.

It may look like giving up stability. Honestly, it is giving up one kind. On the other hand…

I also see being a digital nomad as having a lot more potential freedom and choices to explore before deciding on what stability means again.

That weight off my shoulder was just one benefit. I could also sense the physical and emotional wellbeing of letting go of the stress that comes with maintaining a lifestyle in this cosmopolitan area (though I loved this area!) Having more time with friends and family is more necessary and welcome to my wellbeing now.

I felt less rancor creeping in at what I could be missing by working harder and longer and only playing part of the time.

My energy feels better directed, not just aimed at meeting goals that are no longer right for me.

Each timeframe is different.

I feel a growing grace and empathy, knowing how scared many of us can be, at any stage, to give up what we know for things not promised. However, we have come this far because of our capabilities. We have proof more is possible.

We have permission to get information wrong and view missteps and unforeseen circumstances as the chance to redirect.

We have permission not to have all the answers. We have room to commend ourselves. We can tread carefully, take our time, or take a leap. We each get to seek out the goals best for us, increasingly reminded to also give ourselves peace.

made me do it

September 27, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

Finding a home for my Cuban cigars was one thing. Giving away 1 end table out of 2 was another. Securing my virtual mailbox was just completed this morning and giving away my beloved bookcase is in progress.

There is still so much but spaces are clearing. My hope is growing and so is my uncertainty. I hope for the best but naturally I can’t squash the fear. I can fantasize about what is on the other side of picking up and traveling again but I can also feel my nerves taking over from time to time. The fear, the anxiety and the excitement have to live together for now. It’s helpful to know people are doing it and it’s being done all the time. Still, wish me luck and thanks for always cheering me on.

Now that I have started, I can’t stop.

I started in August this year. Likewise, I started back in 2010, played with some getaway moments. I dived in during the past but had more of a safety net to dive back into (but I do have to remind myself I was extremely nervous then as well). I have to remember how now that I have experienced it, I have a better picture of how to navigate new surroundings, happily. Yet, I also know how uncomfortable life can be when one is just getting their footing. Additionally, we know there can be some issues. There can be moments we don’t particularly care for and ones we absolutely dislike.

Sentimentality too. I really like DC (a reminder that this was another part of my fantasy life realized).  Hearing the musician on the metro platform last night particularly made me pre-nostalgic for my second home. I will miss that. I will miss a lot but as they say, you don’t know what you don’t know. There is even more to experience. I never could have imagined how much I would have fell for the landscape and culture of Peru, much like I fell for the nuances of DC. I can only imagine what a place looks to be like. How a space makes you feel is a whole other matter.

Like my previous somewhat dares, I am again more excited about the prospects than fearful of what I can’t even imagine discovering.

Now, I have started, I can’t stop. I can’t imagine.

August

August 31, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

2006 to 2023. Have I been here a little longer than I expected? I suspect I am just surprised how much time has passed. I was open to different professional and personal outcomes, but I see most experiences lead me back to the same clarity.

August 1st: I completely accepted that I am again ready for another setting, more interested in connecting with friends and family more often.

Similar to yesterday’s reflection, I am fairly set on how much I am just going to look forward to visiting here.

August 4th: Downsizing proves to be just as much effort as I have been forewarned about. Naturally I did not want to see this as daunting for my own wellbeing. Couldn’t this just be extra busy work? Couldn’t this still be seamless?No. Not at all. I also need a lot of other aspects to fall into place like the availability of people and their interests in acquiring more stuff along with me having the time to deal with all such circumstances. Also factor in unexpected events like today’s impromptu dental appointment😊 (Enter August 31st).

August 12th: Feeling reality. I’m feeling confident and uncertain. These two exist together, somehow. I dismantle some furniture and clean out my end tables. I go through old mementos. I remove unnecessary items from my bookcase. With so many details, I push my trip back (admittedly with some procrastinating comfort). I can’t push back my desires. This could get messy. This is also okay.

The month flies like so many with me determined not to forget my everyday demands.

August 26th – DC United Soccer – My good friend and I spend the evening at the home game and hanging out. Perfect timing for a nice outing. There was the thought of how long ago it had been since we watched the game in person, so much so, we were just now getting to enjoy the new Stadium. I was reminded of my younger more impressionable years when I first arrived here. I was reminded of the now defunct stadium we once cheered in.

Everything was welcome in its own time.

August.

The challenges remain.

The goals do too.

Pending

August 30, 2023 by Cassandra Johnson

This city (district) doesn’t exactly feel like mine anymore. I was imagining a near future in which I would now be a temporary visitor here. I was imagining myself as a tourist who knows all the ins and outs of this place. I would still navigate it comfortably.

I have lived here since 2006.

Different times, different occupations, different favorite spots. Now some of those favorite spots are closed. A lot of really nice places have remained. I don’t imagine the museums and galleries ever disappearing, just changing somehow.

I know this place well. Another home.

I worked in neighboring Virginia during my initial years here while living in adjacent Maryland, enjoying the MV of the DMV, but of course always hanging in DC and spending most of my last years living here. I have been fascinated with DC neighborhoods like Dupont Circle, Georgetown, U Street, Le Droit Park, Gallery Place, Farragut North, all of downtown and some more and it is funny how various subchapters have unfolded where I ended up spending part of certain years or several months frequenting the same spots. How interesting it is to be drawn to certain venues and paths making the way back to various apartments or hanging out with friends in intriguing or simply cozy destinations.

Of course, there is always the monumental backdrop. There is always what naturally draws tourism like the Reflecting Pool, like Abraham Lincoln’s statue towering even though his position is seated surrounded by his most notable speeches and quotes. There are those cherry blossoms refusing to simply stay put in the Tidal Basin and therefore sprinkling themselves into everyday corners and neighborhoods yet remaining most breathtaking and full at their base.

Experiences: Happy Hours. Giggling over dinner. Failed romantic dates. Unforgettable kisses. Random lines. Overpriced brunches. Surprisingly underpriced happy hours. Favorite dance clubs. Crowded bars. Some random fun. Convenient subway/metros and early-to-late buses. A district/city so ready for the influx of Uber and Lyft. Green spaces amongst the buildings so conducive to outdoor events like the World Cup on the Jumbotron, Screen on the Green, 2008 Inauguration, Embassy Open House weekend and free cultural festivals. Sooo many free museums.

Certainly, D.C. I will miss you. So, maybe I am stalling for an additional reason other than simultaneously attempting to sell, give away and discard my things. Amidst excitement, this place has left me with a familiar bittersweet feeling in my admitted propensity towards sensitivity (both good and bad). I want to stay and at the same time, I am insatiably excited to leave. It has to be stated. You were very much a part of my growth as much as OHIO and the international stops here and there. You always will be.

So while it will be different not settling back in here again, I can lean into my own reflection of Ours to Claim. I am now more excited to more readily see friends and family in my new mobile life, fortunate DC was a vision I also came to see.