Category: volunteer travel

Lost Time Appreciated

August 31, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

I came across an old email from 2013. The email was for a bible study revamp. The email also served as a reminder of not being entirely where I was accepting of myself.

I wanted to observe many spiritual expressions. I liked this one because it reminded me of what my parents could have been doing when they were my age and much younger in their respective states. However I got my wires crossed in action sometimes.

Fortunately, I have found more of a spiritual lifestyle that speaks to my support but a lot of what I did before became motions and not feelings. I wanted to do more for more people but did not feel as if I was perfect enough. Silly because no one is perfect. Yet in helping, I felt I needed to get at least all the processes right.

I got compliments but the shortcomings steered my attention more. Why is that sometimes? Still working to focus on the good. I spent many hours on some lessons and greeting, chatting, trying to do more but sometimes I felt even less of myself.

I know the lessons of being accepted. I know equally the lessons of being rejected. They just get a little trickier as you get older when on some levels, processes can seem okay or okay enough. Different thought leaders fit my lifestyle at different times. I learned lessons about already being okay and striving out of a sense of being well-intended and positive, rather than just out of obligation.

The revamp was a single example where I felt I did okay but when I left the project, I felt little importance, not that I was supposed to feel important. (Yet we all should, right?) It was a bit of a mystery to be unfulfilled but to also know it is because you are wondering about something different for your life.

I can lead but not so much be leader in all spaces, (there I definitely was not) and not because of the people who I cared for but ultimately because it was just not my journey – not idealistic to the place or ways I belong.

After all, I then had real proof of belonging in some really good relationships and some really good spaces volunteering abroad and here – fitting more naturally like I fit with my family.

Being different was not equal to not fitting in, especially when I still felt accepted and driven by what I like. I don’t mind being the common or the odd duck. I was feeling neither in the new space I was in, and unfortunately not for lack of liking a lot of cool people, this was just not exactly me.

So I asked myself about those many minutes I spent waiting somewhere, being late, staying late, creating something and worrying if it would be okay, if I would be okay. I wondered if some time was wasted – how I could have been spending time otherwise.  Maybe. However, not really.

I was keyed into more of what I wanted. Most of all, I am more grateful for how I have changed and stayed the same (true in a lot of instances). At my core, I always knew some ways I would always like to behave and projects I would prefer.

I am grateful for the people who cared. I am grateful when I no longer need some praise or my excuses.

Not always belonging is a gift sometimes, even in a spiritual space or place where you think you could be accepted for being you or at least feel like you can be you. Rejection can be a life saver and most definitely a time saver. Sometimes, pathways do need to be etched out but for me in this instance, no. It was only necessary for the time I was introspective and how I could contribute, not at all indicative of this being my home forever.

Still, I know this to be the right place for a lot of people. Understandably. I know just how people alternatively got a better sense of fitting in where I do not. Just life. Thank goodness we are such a variety and thank goodness we are the same in a lot of ways. We want to be respected, care for others and know we are cared for too.

Elements of a Dream

August 27, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

Big dreams at times seem almost abstract. People may even notice they seem more accessible the younger we are. Children can have the biggest dreams about who they want to become, how they live and especially how perfectly and/or exciting adult life will be.

We can be daunted at different stages. Sometimes such a result can arrive very early on. Shyness alone could be a powerful teacher or very literally, some of our first schoolteachers can be the ones to discourage or encourage whether we step back or move forward respectfully. Parents, other adults and other children also find their spots as inhibitors or positive catalysts. Sometimes well-meaning warnings prohibit us from meeting our efforts as well.

Additionally, purposeful negativity, sinister words and actions keep us from our motivation or alternately stimulate the wills of those who always or at times are adamant against the disbelief and discouragement and set about proving people wrong.

Daunting is daunting however, and natural failures could be the precursor to drives taken forward or those drives taken back. Present at the worst end of the spectrum is mistreatment also affecting our mental and physical capacity to move forward.

The path ahead?

What have I learned from others in listening, reading, writing and watching?

I have learned the biggest guides to staying the course can come from various foundations, but they consistently appear in moments of hope and inspiration and are what we should seek out (no matter how small) to eventually provide momentum. Momentum, in turn, means encouragement. There is the sure sign of our ability to progress. In varying amounts, it can be the catalyst, when we take notice and appreciate each accomplishment. There is possibility at every level.  

I found lately that goals not specifically imagined are not the same as goals not reached. Dreams not specifically pictured are not the same as dreams unfulfilled.

I imagined volunteering abroad. I imagined myself traveling in general. I thought of working for myself as a freelance translator and I wanted to build my social time around quality moments with family and friends without the limitations of company rules. I am doing them all.

Though not exactly in the details I could have imagined, I am slowly doing more of what matters to me and less of the other.

Works in progress and works accomplished. I am preparing myself to grow, ready to take advantage of the time I have here.

Unofficial

July 31, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

Lima used to be the layover. Just one night plus a half of an afternoon before living more remotely.

However, this same remote year, the major city eventually turned into the destination for my upcoming birthday and the same departure point for heading back to the US before I was quite ready to head back.

I was relaxed, still partially anxious. The days prior were good, some brilliant, some just not particularly eventful but the day meant for celebration was one of those epic fails I will need to revisit on a future posting date.

For the moment, I was curious to see what I could do in Lima before leaving in a couple of weeks. Apparently, a lot. I had seen a lot elsewhere in Bolivia and other parts of Peru while volunteering, so I was looking forward to what I could do right before leaving South America the first time.

Although I had spent the last couple of weeks hanging out in Lima, I thought a structured tour-guided outing might prove useful. I sometimes like to mix those in with unplanned exploring, site visits, dancing and hanging out so I can get a layered perspective. I saw the designated tour buses leaving from the main square, seemingly daily. I booked a tour for an upcoming day.

Yet, Lima this time was seemingly just meant to be an offshoot of my own design, some of which included hanging out with my unexpected friend Daniel on my last few days, getting to see our friend in the midst of her hospital recovery, Carnival and a bad adventure in Surco (#revisit birthday).

Since I ran into Daniel (who I had met volunteering in Pisco), he distracted me considerably during that official planned tour. I tried to focus but realized I was fortunate to already have had all the tours and trips I had throughout my travels and I was rather more fortunate to have met so many people like him.

I realized we were just too excited about catching up and accidentally leaning in whispering too long between tour explanations. I heard some details before eventually realizing I was just fine with being distracted. From time to time, Iife reminds us to give up control. There is enough time to follow agendas and many many second opportunities.

Since I had coincidentally ran into him at the picturesque word-of-mouth hostel just days ago, his company reminded me of my foundational goals living abroad: lending a hand to community organizations, immersing myself with lovely language and culture and being open to whatever each day may bring.

The setting meant so much more with both local residents and other travelers like him.

Restaurants, grocery stores, the main square, Carnival events (surprisingly the hospital), and everyday apparent history: Lima the first time around was uniquely just what we made it and what it made for us.

I am more than okay with ideal consistent weather and good reasons for being distracted😊

Dive

July 28, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

Nice how often I get to and got to play interpreter before I more recently became a full-time freelance translator. I will say translation (writing) is my preferred method, but the prior practice and interactions were catalysts for one of my ultimate goals and sometimes just background settings.

Language immersion has been my joy. Writing and reading is a sweet escape and pieces of an intellectual high. I participated comfortingly in the literary interpretation discussions we would have in class over any number of themes: the classics in Greek, Shakespeare, (oh the word play – what sometimes seemed liked translating English into more English was its own sport), history, art, literature from every continent, our own social studies with humanity interlacing our pains.

Challenging was fascinating too. I liked the debates.

I listened and was listened to. Perspectives.

Real life finally became more of what I wanted. Debating, interpreting and translating. Peru was one of the foremost backdrops. I gained more momentum and motivation especially about what I really want to do with my life.

One spontaneous day was taping for the nearby local television station in Paracas. A second surprise was interpreting at another nearby city’s local community center. I felt thoroughly caught off guard by the NGO Director but to his credit, if he had told me, I probably would have gotten fairly nervous and performed a lot less naturally. I would have second guessed myself about publicly speaking in my native language as well.

The first was just an interview but since I did not know the extent of what people would be inquiring about at the community center, I was able to focus on what everyone brought me in the moment. I could present what he was saying in his overall speech from English to Spanish and in turn, let him know what their questions and comments were.

When people are looking at you and waiting, the rest of the day suddenly seems irrelevant. Before I really was aware of the practice of being present, so many moments like this got me there. They happened a lot when I was living remotely and just volunteering and just sitting near the fire in the cool desert evenings. Moments suddenly just happened and there was no thought of needing more entertainment than we could provide ourselves.

Another part of my life goals was laid out before me. Thanks to David for tricking me (I was not the only one). Sometimes we just do not know all we are capable of until we are called to do so much more.

The Uninhibited Life

May 31, 2022 By Cassandra Johnson

You could choose to be like someone else or dare to be true to yourself. The irony is that in a space where you have your daily habits, routines and responsibilities, you might find yourself being less in tune with yourself in many ways as you try to follow rules, norms, expectations, and possible perceptions.

What is one interesting natural alternative to quickly meeting your authenticity?

Travel.

No one generally knows us where we are going to go yet. Therefore…

We could reinvent or we could reconnect.

I soon realized part of enjoying getaways also lent to getting back to being a free spirit.

The next backdrop turned me towards Cusco. Home of Machu Picchu and my new home. From Arequipa to here, I was less afraid of who I really was and all too familiar with doing what was different. I was homesick in part but in an extreme level of comfort under my own skin. As the nomad minority traveler, I was feeling rather stable and different. I felt my new friends felt it too. We could be a little wild in exploring and likewise be adventurous in just being true to who we really were. What were our own unique styles, expressions and desires?

I’m not from New York, Vegas, New Orleans or similar parts of the US (only a visitor to even livelier cities). I now was able to regularly enjoy that dancing all night meant until 6 am. It just happened to be in Cusco and there were no differences from weekdays to weekends. Chill nights of course had their place too.

Normal life now also meant easy access to some amazing nature and historical settings. Whether it was an hour or about a half-day outing to somewhere like Sacred Valley or Sacsayhuaman, we got countless chances to plan some historic trips and get the connection to what was once Incan empires and other indigenous living. Everyday surroundings were still infused with them. We got the pleasure of befriending 3 native gentleman who would gift us with impromptu Quechua lessons and uninhibited also meant hanging out with them in the plaza, at any given time.

Teaching on weekdays, while challenging at times, also meant a carefree vibe as we connected with local children and who knew how intense our energy reserves could be, even still dancing the night away.

Most of us just traveling, volunteering or doing both, from different walks of life were transported to this place with some similar objectives.

More rooted in curiosity, appreciation, aspiration and even fatigue lent to our lack of inhibition, which ironically to me did not always necessarily mean sheer abandon but rather a heightened comfort with our true feelings and wishes, a step back from various shields we would wear to get through our normal routines back home.

Normal routines had their comforts and authenticity, but I was realizing the varying types of discipline commanded in work, church, an even how to behave leisurely was easily inhibiting. I welcomed the gentle reminder traveling in the States or abroad could bring. Nothing had to be perfect. The misadventures, gloom, and danger have happened. I just know sometimes taking a break from the autopilot has its freedoms too.

By chance

April 30, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

Kat said I should stay in the room with fewer people. (At this time in our life, fewer people meant 4) The thought seems so funny now. What seems so small when I look around my spacious apartment today was suddenly luxury in contrast to the other rooms available.

Back then, I grew accustomed to situations that were mainly just housing/homes in the midst of a lot of outside activity. There were hostels with just enough room and shared bathrooms and shared responsibilities and maybe circumstances did not matter so much then because we were younger (not necessarily young, some of us but not all, but just being younger in general) and maybe because we knew how fortunate we were to be in a situation where we could help others, maybe because this was temporary, and maybe just because we were on a mission. We could forget luxuries and space and privacy we had left in our originating homes.

Instant acceptance and understanding came through just Kat’s messages alone before we got to this in-person decision. Much more than the instant relief we were receiving from being impromptu traveling companions, I knew she was more than cool and gracious in the current goals we shared, and in our breaks (her from school life and me from work), we wanted to do something else that we felt needed to be done. We opened ourselves up to learning more about this region and naturally ourselves. Neither of us had a background in construction but were afforded the opportunity to be around a few people who happened to have this and to use our own unique skills and training in various ways.

I took her up on the room offering. The vacancies were proposed to us at the same time and her perspective made sense. Our first night was spent in a temporary space at a nearby hostel and there was even less room there. Yet, our hosts were gracious and sweet. We were happy to be safe and warm after a stiff bus trip. During that night, we had walked back over to hang out with the rest of the volunteers in the main house (more in Pleasantly Confused). We were surprised, we did not even need to meet the expectation we had to grow into our initial condensed space. We were quickly given the options of the proposed four-person room and her more occupied one just one day later.

She would be there for a few weeks to my intended six months although now I know I would be fine in a number of spaces, either way. In so many ways, I would be okay in a number of spaces and a bit stronger for being open to what was offered. What I saw was not always pleasant but added to my disposition and a lot was indeed beautiful. Kat had coincidentally helped me to the best place for me at the time, to one of my closest friends, who I will always adore.

I could have automatically disregarded my own comfort (as I sometimes tend to gravitate) and there may have been a different story and an opportunity missed but I was learning to take care of myself a little better while taking care of others. We need to be able to do both.

First

April 28, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

We headed to the beach. I was surprised we were so close (within walking distance) but totally expecting it from the travel literature I had seen in and around Pisco, Paracas and the surrounding area.

The boardwalk was damaged in a lot of places and definitely indicative that we were living in two spaces of natural disaster damages and natural beauty.

I walked gingerly with Sana as the rest of our companions (4 or so other volunteers) strolled along beside us and sometimes wandered ahead or fell behind. Local people were laughing, enjoying the sun, swinging their feet off the pier, enjoying wide open spaces. Life was free. I accidentally left my sandals on the boardwalk above us as Sana helped me climb down and the strangers above smilingly shook their heads that, no they were not going to hand them down at Sana’s request. We all giggled. They tossed them gently down and I continued holding them as Sana and I wandered along the sand.

I knew this city (at times also considered much like a town) was not well off and I was honored to be a part of the rebuilding. I was pleased to relax a little and additionally it was not lost on me at all how savory Peruvian food could be. Perhaps that is one of the misplaced reasons I mistakenly fell for Sana a little too quickly with overwhelmed senses and sentiments over dinner with him and my friend. Perhaps but no regrets, either. Only more chapters and sobering lessons learned, and I still recall that one of my first delicious meals in Pisco was with him and her.

These were my first few days in South America. Life happened so fast after a childhood of dreaming of travels. I could barely believe all that would transpire in one day, each day, between hanging out, volunteer projects, amazing food, and of course from time to time, getting ill. Lucky for the moment I did not get ill right away after my first few weeks, but Nasa was local and did have some ways of shielding me.

Romance? Deceptions. Both false and true in my travels that followed. Momentarily, the results were yet to be seen but it was fun being friends with him and knowing him for the time being. I never regret meeting him along the way with so many other true friends plus romances and/or escapades to come. Everything in due time and in good spirit and lessons learned. Celebration and anger existed on the same surfaces and with the full range of emotions, we have to look around everyday and be pleased we are human enough to feel everything and appreciate the healthiness of accepting it all.

To all the kind souls

March 31, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

The news highlights sad truths. I too can speak to tragedies and warn there are so many instances when your best interests are not considered, or people take advantage of you.

I can still further warn you of scams especially while you are traveling. We all know there are a lot of instances when you have to be extra vigilant. Work on your timing. Remember safety in numbers. Et cetera.

Still, you have to think, how would we be anywhere at all if life was as dire as the never ending saga, the news tunes us into each day. Even they burn out into feel-good pieces and highlight some semblance of happy endings and justice. I will give them their credit due.

The day’s trip started late for Kat and me. The thought was for us to be cautious. Both her parents and my family were relieved we met in the Peruvian capital so we could take the four-hour bus ride together into the remote desert. Before that, we had never met. She also was in the Facebook group of people who would be volunteering for disaster recovery. My friend back in DC suggested I reach out to see if there were any other people going my way to the town on the same day. After Juan of Spain, who I was also yet to meet was unable to make the flight, she had responded to me and interestingly, for all the precautions we may have leaned into, we were always safe in the company of strangers from point A to B. Since there are some hard stories of people being scammed, cheated, and far worse (all over the world, mind you), we are right to think about this everywhere, but we are not right if we give into fears and think the worse.

The position we were in was mainly trying to follow the advice for guarding possessions in which we had to rely on each other. There are some bus companies that are better than others and we could only take a bus after our respective flights to the capital the day prior. We were looking to each other for information and  direction. We had a lot mapped out from the organization’s information and on our own but going through the motions in person is a whole other level. She was happy I speak Spanish.

Still interesting, once we posed the one question about our potential 3rd of 4 stops along the way, several passengers from the area were especially attentive of us getting off at our proper destination.

Image credit by Pexels

For all the moments we are forewarned about being taken advantage of and of people not caring, there are so many more thoughtful people and actions through which we remain afloat.  People feel a need, on their own, or through organized moments to help people in wars, conflicts and against lack or resources. For all the variety in the different calls to lend a helping hand in the moment in what is seemingly small or not, for each moment someone feels called upon, we can be appreciative.  There are a number of actions I cannot even began to imagine doing which other people do naturally. What is equally inspiring is just being more willing to be helpful or friendly in our everyday encounters. Customer service associates could really use it. A stranger down on their luck may not even expect it. (I’m reminded of my younger brother recently telling me how he was able to help a coworker who was locked out of his car).

I have a further thought of what catalysts our behaviors can be and how powerful we are when we do not easily think we are. When I was younger, I remember the Quarreling Book was pretty spot on, with its impending domino effect that led from one person upsetting another until the cycle proved to be rather pleasantly effective in reverse.

Kat and I could depend on the kindness of strangers that day. Moments before and after that, I found such dependence became a necessity.

Save the plethora of ulterior motives that leave us vulnerable, there must be twice as many people and circumstances where people are doing even minor things to help someone along the way, towards their own teamwork or just being willing to do so for no particular individual gain.

Even for all the snarky and disgruntled moments, which seemingly assert themselves, there have been way more or enough of the alternative ones to keep us trusting with a healthy amount of vigilance. Kind regards to all the kind souls who want to see you get where you are going, literally and otherwise.

Distracted

March 28 by Cassandra Johnson

I am in the Politics and Prose bookstore, in my now DC neighborhood and I wander to the back wall of the travel section.

The last time I was there, I picked up the Lonely Planet edition of Cuba, a book showcasing the off-the beaten-path places to see in the country which still are noted accordingly, and the ones which are not because of the ironic knowledge. Still I like both the tried and true and the little known.

Going back to the office was challenging after 10 days in Cuba, however this was never so real as how I felt after living in Peru and Bolivia.

Not being ready to be back in the US and facing off with the reverse culture shock I had been forewarned about, I realized I could temporarily transition back by staying in a traveler’s hostel before securing another DC apartment. I would also continue my search for desired NGO and/or development work which I was for now more certain I had the field experience.

Years ago, my horizon had been so broadened that I was ironically too open-minded about my own chances and how people would see me back in the States. The ready circumstances or chances I had to orchestrate the next steps was not how I imagined them to be. Perhaps my heart was just too much abroad. Perhaps, I was unfortunate not to get the chances I needed in time.

I did work. I became ill and after finally getting better in the ER and hospital, I leaned towards what was supposedly stable though dulling to my senses. Unfortunately, the work was similar to what I only wanted to do for a little time when I moved to this area years ago, before doing more with international development. I was at another non-profit trade association and unfortunately, I became skillful at the department in which I worked and my knowledge of the operations as I was inclined to do. I imagine most of us are inclined to master our day-to-day responsibility and what is expected of us, so I became proficient at those operations and once again unfortunately, my tenure geared more towards the inner workings of a trade association. Perhaps in a fortunate way, I had to seek out my own international endeavors and my life still mirrored the experiences I sought out during and after my college years. My friends were international and locally from different backgrounds and I was friends with those who represented the mainstream and my own minority background as well.

Perhaps seeking out my own development work here and disaster relief abroad has molded me into being more appreciative of what I have been able to do and kept me from being burned out. Now I get the chance to select from a second passion and do that as I travel. Still, I recall the confusion of coming back and trying to make everything fit and employers keeping me to the box that I submitted to as well because though the work was something to which I was acclimated and had many perks, this was not my first choice. I dedicated about 15 years to organizations that did not truly speak to me. Thank goodness for travel, cool coworkers, other interests on the side and a willpower, though delayed at times, which will not let go.

Some time before

February 26, 2022 by Cassandra Johnson

Time suddenly contracted: Giving my landlord a 30-day notice without having another place where I would be returning, donating my car, leaving a temporary job where they wanted to hire me permanently. The decisions were necessary in my view but also so final.

They were more freeing than I would expect. I comforted myself with the ideas of facility and availability. How easy did I think it would be to return to the US and start working again, rent a new apartment, and just have to take the bus, train, or my feet everywhere. How simple. Leaving the way I did, I had to suspect there was some element of ease to my return, when I did return. I was incorrect in some of my perspective, but it got me to this.

Sometimes I have to take one opportunity cost or more so I can see some of my inspiration turn into life.

The final steps, which I decided were necessary, got me to my alternate opportunities though they also urged more second thoughts. I had to keep some greater fears to myself. I was surprised this was finally happening. My dream to travel and help people abroad was beginning. My experiences also gave me more ease in places I would later visit in the future. For the first time, as a volunteer’s journey, as the elements played out in real life, my mind so easily told me to stop and accept the tried and true and reminded me that I could be giving up security, safety, and putting friendships on pause and perhaps even a budding romance. The more I did, the more I had to go. Some of the time when people repeated what I said I was going to do with surprise, I was inwardly convincing myself of the finality of my plans as well. Sometimes, one just knows the last circumstance needed is twin doubts.

If I left the comfortable grind of everyday life, what would happen to me. Did I have a place? It was safe to say I would be bunking in Peru for the next immediate months and who knew after. I also did not know my fellow volunteers/new friends/travelers would have me wanting to explore more of this other side of South America. So there I was in a mixture of my own dreams and my own making. I was scared. I could barely wait.

When I describe leaving the comfortable grind, I had to remind myself there was a grind I needed to address in not realizing some other aspirations. My stability is alright but interestingly does not help with my mental balance and security is not the easiest element to focus on when wondering about a path I had imagined myself taking long ago. I even felt a little late but was happy I was going. I had found and applied to the one group I felt would fit me well (boy would I be curiously surprised when I encountered them on a Friday night in between volunteering shifts.😊

I was going and staying and about to get some interesting insights on staying a little longer and maybe even for the duration down the line.