I woke up motivated every day, even in days of non-motivation. Habit and wanting took over. I saw my parents and heard their compliments about my determination and curiosity even long after they had been gone. My intelligence. I heard them and naturally felt comfort in my books, studies, music, writing, languages. I felt it. I believed in just as many ways as I did not and still do not believe in myself. I woke up moving, and even when uninspired, expecting to be eventually driven towards some goals, all goals. My ups and downs and ups.
I read the books and saw movies from their generations and felt inspired and defeated. I was followed around in the store and micromanaged from my office desk. I thanked both my parents and the ancestors for keeping me inspired, showing me and us how strong we can be in spaces of oppression and how far we could go in the spaces of decency, deep affection and support from others.
At past and first glance, I thought about looking forward to what weekends are supposed to be and especially to those extended weekends and random PTO days, here and there. Then, I had a moment. Something different occurred to me, with the help of some hardworking YouTubers, writers and other creative people. Maybe I’d much rather capitalize on these times and power through, in an effort to have my future consist of what feels more like endless Saturdays, commencing and ending with volunteering, writing, translating, traveling, family, friends, discovery and soaking up forever suns and restful nights. Not a bad challenge that leads to that finish line.
I’m fortunate to have a birthday that ends in my favorite month, February. Reflecting on everything, every person I’ve met, knowledge of every ancestor paving the way and all my personal experiences, painful or dear – knowledge of what got me here is padding my steps.
I’ve worked hard before but for some different errant objectives. These were not regretful. Many were quite commendable, but rather for another time and another me not as ready as this one (probably even less developed for the me to come).
Being altogether better at meditating, resting up, working and chilling in between… I’m curiously excited about what and who I get to meet and of course, revisit. More to be shared. More to be seen.
